Neighbour behaviour what do u think AIBU

[Acalavero]

Hi please bare with me haven't used MN in ages had to make new account,

Ok for years on/off we have lived next door to elderly couple, they mostly talk to SO. I say hi now n then but he got on with them
Elderly man passed away few weeks ago, so the woman who again is friendly with SO cane round to tell him, I'd say she's 60- could be younger, anyway since her partner has passed away she's been non stop talking to my SO.
She completely IGNORES me, example when she came round to tell us about the death my so answers the door I could hear her talking so I came to the door and offered my condolences she heard me but didn't say a word n carried on taking to SO! For at least an hour
She now keeps coming round n talking to him for ages, SO says she's prob just feeling lonely now she also took his number (which she said was to inform him of funeral )
So she rang him at work n told him funeral is two weeks. He can't make it as he is working away so offeredto take her out for a meal!
Ok so far, is this odd? Then yesterday evening she spoke to him again outside - they always speak outside which is weird too doesn't ever seem to want to come in COs I'm there? Has also never bothered with our kids which always bugged me but is happy to talk for hours to so even tho he is losing time with kids/family
So she's come out and said she bought her partner some port when he went through cancer n they never got round to drink it so she's said she wants my SO and his dad to go round and drink it with her, she said it would be better as wouldn't be ideal with kids so basically saying she doesn't want me there!!!
I find it very odd. I'm a nice person but always been quite shy so I admit that through the years I never had any convos with her just hi and byes but still I just can't understand why she doesn't want me there? Iv never done anything wrong to her but she treats me like I don't exist almost and SO is a single man.
To make matters worse I tried to voice some of this to SO and he brushed it off saying she'd just lost her partner so she must feel lonely. Ok I get that so why can't she talk to me then instead of just taking to SO and only wanting to socialise with him? I feel very hurt. SO gives her a lot of time even sometimes getting out the car n speaking to her for ages whilst I'm inside cooking n sorting the kids! Just find it a tad weird, another comment he made was he described her as attractive - there was an advert on tv showing an elderly woman n I said she looks like our next door neighbour he was taken aback at the comment n said "she may be old but she is attractive and nice looking"

AIBU?

Her dh died only a few weeks ago. I’d cut her some slack and not give too much thought as to how she is behaving right now

Paquita
Some people are more reserved. Op is allowed to just say hello without chatting.... it’s not rude.

She's grieving and that makes people behave weirdly. You sound self centred honestly.

Her bereavement aside, and the fact she has always been a bit frosty towards you, I think she is 'one of those women' who will blank other women in favour of men. I know this is a diciser but I think its less common in younger women (I am in my fifties). My mum is someone who will still put on a giggly voice for DH and she is in her 80s. When he first met he asked me if she was alright? She was telling me about a friendly bus driver the other day who calls her darling, she then finished the conversation by saying 'there's nothing in it' as if it needed clarifying.

If your neighbour's DH was a lot older, she may be sees herself as younger than 60. She could be eyeing your DH for hose little jobs around the house. What about her family? Does she have children? Siblings? Could they shed some light on the matter.

I would be more worried about your DH's attitude, nor that I think he is going to stray but he doesn't seem keen to heal the rift. He could be insisting he she comes in gets to know you. We would he offer to take her to dinner? Could you not have fine to the funeral as a representative of the family? Instead of talking to her in the street when he gets out of the car, he could say come in etc. Have a cup of tea. It's almost as if he likes her attention and you being miffed about it.

Why is she also inviting your SO's father? Is she very friendly towards him too? Does Mil condone this too?
I think she sounds quite horrible, she has ignored you and the children all this time, she blnks you when you offer condolences, grieving or not she's weird.
I'd probably make fun of my Dh if he had a much older lady trying to move in on him (as he would do to me too), he'd be mortified.
Sounds like he quite likes her attention.

Thank you for everyone's responses would reply individually but just at work so quickly read through them

I do agree she may just not be as sociable with women... for the posters who said I haven't bothered with her, not true. In fact quite the opposite, when we moved in we had a small child n I was a SAHM so was always in the garden she never acknowledged dd1 , so I assumed she was the type of woman who wasn't fond of kids which is probably true as she has no children and her deceased partner had children but she always speaks badly about them saying she "really doesn't get on with his kids"
So what was I to do? I am always with the kids which is probably why she directed questions to my dp and not to me. But when they (as a couple) talked to my dp I tried to join in but in all seriousness it was like I wasn't there, they'd just carry on talking to him so it's not any different now
It just seems worse because her partner has passed so she seems lonely and wants to talk more
Yes she was friendly with his dad and her partner was too so I see where she's coming from but it's hurtful she doesn't want me there

It is weird and it’s rude of her to act like you don’t exist no matter of her partner died or not.
I’d not be happy that my other half didn’t see why I’d be irked and he’s taking her out to dinner?? Wtaf?

If you've never really spoken to them before then why would you expect her to strike up a friendship with you now?
This ^^. SO is friends with her, she's lonely & grieving, she's reaching out to someone who knew her DH as well so she can talk about him. Perfectly natural. If OP had been friendly with them both all the time then no doubt she'd be talking to OP too.

Is the issue more about your SO having a chat at the door for an hour while you crack on with the stuff that has to get done? If my husband was regularly opting out of the dinner/housework etc and instead chatting to a mate on the phone for example I might not be that happy about it.

Maybe you could answer the door and if she asks for him you could say he’s in the middle of something right now but I’ll ask him to knock on your door later?

YABVU for calling 60 or maybe a bit younger elderly. 🙄

She is 60 or under, not elderly at all.

Just so you know people usually use DP or OH on MN. May help with lots of posts asking what SO is 😊