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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by “pleasant” run in with ex.

22 replies

DreamingOfCalifornia · 10/02/2019 21:10

I seriously don’t know what is wrong with me. I should be pleased really but I’m feeling so hurt by this!
Last night I was at an event for my industry. STBXH is in the same industry however I wasn’t expecting him to be there. We bumped into each other at the bar and had a chat and a drink. Then as we parted ways he chucked his arms around me and gave me a quick hug. Being with him again felt so lovely and for a second things felt normal again.
I had to leave the event afterwards as I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with emotion. I just miss being with him so much but my career means I can’t avoid him. I feel like I’ll never be over him.

OP posts:
CanuckBC · 10/02/2019 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CanuckBC · 10/02/2019 21:12

How long have you been apart?

CanuckBC · 10/02/2019 21:13

How long have you been separated?

Original poster
DreamingOfCalifornia · 10/02/2019 21:14

Since April last year. We were together 12 years.

OP posts:
CanuckBC · 10/02/2019 21:18

I have asked for my double posts to be deleted! It showed frozen and that it wasn’t posting!

I was asking as if it was recent it it more likely to be hard.

The reason for separating can make it really hard to. Slowly, as time passes it becomes easier. It also depends on how often you will realistically see him.

Do you still want to be with him and if so why? What were the good and bad parts of the relationship?

QuintadiMalago · 10/02/2019 21:39

12 years is a long time and April 2018 is not that long ago so it's not surprising that your body and mind remembered the good times.
I hope it gets easier in time for you

Springwalk · 10/02/2019 21:39

I would consider meeting him for dinner and see how you feel then. Twelve years is a long time. Sounds like you both have feelings for each other. Depending on the reason you broke up, then I would consider meeting him again.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/02/2019 21:48

Oh that's grim. Much sympathy to you. But please hold on to the fact that you encountered him, you were civil and friendly, and you didn't either blub or punch him. And the next time you run into him at a work event, it will be easier. And even easier, the time after that.

Heronymous · 10/02/2019 21:56

That must be so hard. I assume the break up was his idea? It’s still quite recent for you OP so it’s bound to be raw. Give yourself some time Flowers

BejamNostalgia · 10/02/2019 21:57

There must have been a reason you split up, what was it?

A lot of people have a second try and it doesn’t work because whatever was wrong with the relationship is still there.

Mari50 · 10/02/2019 21:58

Aw OP that sounds so difficult? Who instigated the separation?
I would be upset too unless i’d had brad Pitt/Damian albarn/whoever floats your boat kissing your neck when the ex turned up.
Maybe you won’t ever be over him. More than likely you will. It’s fine to feel sad. Maybe take some time out to be nice to yourself......a facial, a massage, a walk, a bike ride, whatever....but there is life after heartbreak/end of relationships

MsVestibule · 10/02/2019 22:01

Why did you split up?

I hate/love running into exes. On the very odd occasion it's happened, it really freaks me out and all of the old emotions (good and bad) come flooding back. I hope you'll get past this.

Original poster
DreamingOfCalifornia · 10/02/2019 22:09

He had an affair. He is with them now.
I loved him so deeply for so long. He’s utterly gorgeous and wickedly funny. I think I never felt good enough for him and put him on a pedestal

OP posts:
Hassled · 10/02/2019 22:12

So he may be utterly gorgeous and wickedly funny but he's also a deceitful cheat. Don't lose sight of that. I do sympathise - it must be bloody hard - but don't forget what he did.

CoolCarrie · 10/02/2019 22:24

I felt the same way about an ex, walked into him and the child he had with the other woman one day, which happened to be my first day at work! It knocked me back, and thankfully the women at work at my new job were great. He was a handsome, clever guy, but he was a shit to me, and his affair caused a hell of a lot of heartache, especially to the husband and child of the woman he was carrying on with. Try to remember the shit way he behaved to you, but don’t let it make you bitter.

PersonaNonGarter · 10/02/2019 22:26

He’s emotionally manipulative and you know it.

Also, he probably isn’t that happy with the new love. It will be feeling quite ordinary by now.

ReanimatedSGB · 11/02/2019 20:05

Oh, so a wanker, then? He'll be one of these men who just loves the thought that no ex of his can ever get over him, because he is just so special - that's why you got the hug and the nicey-nice treatment, just to remind you that he can pick up your lead and pull on it every now and again.
For future encounters with him, try to aim for mild amusement and polite indifference. He's just an ex, and you're quite happy with life without him, thanks - it will soon be true.

dellacucina · 11/02/2019 20:06
Flowers
Hoppinggreen · 11/02/2019 20:09

He’s a cheating arsehole, keep that in mind
He’s probably charming to lots of women, the shit

RollerJed · 11/02/2019 20:11

That would have been tough.

But try to remember the shit things, not how good looking or funny he is Flowers

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/02/2019 20:18

Avoid if you can. He is playing you.

RelaisBlu · 11/02/2019 20:44

That must have been very painful for you but it sounds as if you managed the situation with great dignity - well done. Next time will be easier and the next easier still

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