To think going to parent’s evening

[TheSunnySide]

Is not really necessary in the early years?
Have been to a few, it’s 10-15 minutes at the most, usually rushed, doesn’t tell you much and it is probably much better to make an individual appointment to see the teacher some other time.

I was eager to find out how dd was getting on as was dh. Weaver slewys gone together without fail and found them very helpful. Occasionally I have had need to have a quick chat with the teacher. But I would never be so presumptuous as to think I can dictate the teachers time. You should appreciate the teachers a little more, they’re not at your beck and call and most do a sterling job.

I made a point of going to all the primary school ones, but once they went to secondary, I endured several horrifically noisy evenings sat in a hall and it soon became apparent they had no idea who my child was.

So I stopped going, and left it for them to contact me in case of issue. I found tutors were perfectly happy to communicate by email, and they were the ones who seemed to know your DCs names......

I would kindly suggest that the teachers do not have infinite time to spend with parents. Parents evening condenses it down to one evening. Why would you want to put eve more pressure on already hard working teachers?

I’m a teacher in the nursery class in a school, just had parents night and thankfully most parents appreciated the appointment and it was mutually beneficial for both of us. Had a few people decide to not turn up(no mention why the next day) or decided last minute that the extensive time slots offered didn’t suit. I’m certainly not going out my way to give them an appointment on another day/time THEY choose.

Exceptional circumstances are different, parents have known the date for months and one or two did make alternative appointments, that I don’t mind, but expecting me to accommodate entitled people is just one of the growing issues in schools!

Wait until secondary and you've got the 5 minute speed dating setup, where your child has to make the appointments themselves, with a teacher who has 30 slots for 90 kids.

To be honest currently ours are a bit of a waste of time (and I say that AS a teacher). I'm in school so much anyway I have a really good feeling for the curriculum and where the kids are on it, and parents evening just after I've had the SEN review meeting for DD2 which covers things in much more depth always feels like a bit of a waste of time.

The kids love the feeling of me going in to look at their work and hear from their teachers so I go along with it for that - but there's no real point to a lot of it if you're in a school where the staff do tend to go for appointments as and when stuff crops up and a fairly open door policy to parental queries anyway.

Ours is usually down to "Are they behaving? Where are you up to on the Maths curriculum so I can do the same at home and the odd query about which method they're using to teach something so I can be consistent with it at home too"

We attend every single one. Teachers have all the results from class tests and clearly know my child. This applies at both the primary they attended and the secondary.

Feel free not attend but do not expect teachers to be at your beck and call, they have meetings, marking, prep, and you know, families and lives outside of school.

Secondary school parent's evening are once a year. Hardly an imposition to attend. We can be in and done in just over an hour for secondary. The system works really well.

I've always found parents' evenings enormously valuable. My DDs are late secondary age now, but through their entire school years I've always had really good feedback from their teachers, got ideas on things we could work on at home and really got a good idea of where they were. I've also had multiple parents' evenings where I've ended up making constructive plans for genuine issues - DD1's perfectionism issues in Yr3, DD2's sudden and really quite extreme leap in reading ability in Yr R, DD1's general unhappiness in Yr9 (which is the shittest school year ever IMO) and ways to pick DD2's A levels to get her into the Uni course she wants to do. Engaging with school is just really helpful.

I go to show my son I care about his education and want to see where he spends so much of his life, I don't know why you wouldn't, it is not as though they are every week.

It might vary from school to school and teacher ty o teacher bug I fibd parents evening helpful. We get to see dome of our daughter's work, and find out what the teacher thinks of her progress.
I do school pick up twice a week. If I need to and it us brief, I will speak to the teacher then if I can (usually on a Monday as I know he runs an after school club in the Tuesday).
I do have an issue to discuss at the moment, that I don't t feel can wait until parents evening. I raised it two weeks ago after school and have not heard back. I don't know if I should have heard by now, and if so where things have broken down. I can understand though how easily it could happen and how things can get forgotten (teachers are only human and have their own families and issues to sort too).
Instead of speaking to the teacher again, I will ask the secretary to make an appointment for me with either the head or whichever staff member is appropriate.
Unless your child has specific issues, that can't be addressed in a standard appointment I think you are being unreasonably to think that you and your child are more important than all the other parents and children, and therefore automatically deserve a longer appointment at a different time.

It's useful to go and see the teacher, and at our school we get to see their work and progress too (books outside classroom), but for me, your children get to see you taking an interest in them, and the place they spent a large proportion of their time.

Not often to get everyone agreeing on an AIBU?

Might tell you something.

Oh, and I completely agree with the first response and all those that have echoed it.
Oh, and 10 - 15mins is a LOT longer that you will get once they get older.

My kids are 19&16....in primary I enjoyed parents evenings as it was a chance to see/hear about their lives....at secondary it was a case of oh u r who? Ur child is who? Schools do it because it’s an OFSTED criteria....I’d rather the teachers were at home relaxing (probably lesson planning for the next day) than trying to tick some quota box

Just wait til your kids start secondary school. I had parents evening for year 7 twins this week who are in different classes for everything. I had 20 appointments, 3-4 minutes each. It was like speed dating on speed. Not fun.

I had 20 appointments, 3-4 minutes each

It’s not fun for the teachers either . I’ve just had 4 Parents Evenings in 4 straight weeks, all with 60 4 minute appointments spread out over 4 hours. Teaching a subject where you see lots of different classes in each year but only 1 hour a week, is a challenge to fit. Bring on Half Term!!

If I need to talk to my sons teachers I just talk to them, the same the other way.

I'm sure I'd be able to catch either of the DCs' teachers if I needed to discuss a concern but what if you have no specific concern and you just want to get the over view of how things are going (which I would have thought most parents would be interested in)? I want to make sure there's no disparity between how you think your DC is getting on and the teacher's impression, make sure DC seem happy in class, check their behaviour is OK or if there's something specific I might be able to do at home to support them.

I couldn’t imagine NOT going to parents evening. The subliminal message not going would send to the school, the individual teacher who works hard for little pay and the child itself is that the parent doesn’t consider it important enough. In case, there is practically nothing I wouldn’t cancel in order to attend parents evening.
I don’t know any parents who feel differently.
OP, I’m curious but aware it might sound patronising as to what level of education you yourself achieved?

My goodness... I work in the nhs and if families couldn’t talk to me when they wanted to there would be complaints.Why are posters saying it is ok for their children’s teachers to not make time for them???

Posters are not saying that at all. I will assume you dont do several hours work at home when you are done for the day. I will also assume you are happy to stay after work to meet families to talk about patients. Comparing a school to the NHS is beyond ridiculous.

Teachers give up hours of free time to do parents' evenings. Yes, I know as I'm a teacher! A couple of years back when our school was at is it's max capacity I did 2 x 4 hour sessions after school in one week. As these were both afternoons/evenings after the school day had finished this also meant finding childcare for my own children.
If I'm being totally honest, it annoys me when parents request a separate appointment outside of the two evenings already allocated. Unless in cases of emergency (which nearly always it isn't), I don't think it reasonable to request this.

If I'm being totally honest, it annoys me when parents request a separate appointment outside of the two evenings already allocated

Exactly. We are not allowed to make alternate appointments at my school unless there is a very specific concern or problem a parent wants to discuss and they are unable to attend a parents evening.

Why are posters saying it is ok for their children’s teachers to not make time for them???

They are making time for the parents. At parents evening.

I think they're useful. I learn a lot from them and even in the early years, there's a lot to be shared.

I'll tell you something else, children with disinterested parents so often struggle. There's such a strong negative correlation between parents who think like you and children who are successful through school and beyond.

Parents evenings tend to happen 2 times a year so I am guessing your experience is with a range of teachers...all teachers are different and sometimes appointments are helpful and other times not - but you won't know until you go. Plus, I am sorry it doesn't seem very nice that you are not interested enough in your child's education that you are considering missing their parent evening. Parent evenings are not just about seeing the parents - you also get a chance to see what work your child has been doing.

Ella1980
Yes I agree it must be wildly annoying. I had emergency surgery just over a week ago and parents evening will be the 2 week mark. I’m disabled anyway so parents evening is hard enough without this but I still want to go to our allotted slot. Hope I make it. But my situation is the extreme one, where allowances should be made if not.

If I am not well enough, I will leave Dh to go alone and ask for a separate meeting after school to ask questions, as I have a few - dd is in yr6 so this is my last chance as it’s the last one at the school. But I don’t like doing this. Dh isn’t good enough on the attention to detail on this front btw - he glazes over and doesn’t actually register anything. Alternatively it’s a list of questions and iPhone recording!

I think I failed to mention I’m really disappointed by ops attitude. It’s important for kids, especially little kids to enter into their world, see their work, praise them and be part of the parental team. We have no childcare available and always take dd with us to parents evening. It’s important for her to show us what she’s been doing. Idk how it works in secondary though.