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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to do?

14 replies

W2D4TB · 10/02/2019 18:51

I'm part of a group of friends who all met a few years ago via a mum's group. We all live in various parts of the UK.

One is getting married and Im bridesmaid. Her hen do is soon.
One has just lost her very young baby. Funeral will be arranged soon.

Both require travelling to. The dates won't clash. But I can only afford to attend either the hen do OR the funeral.

WIBU to tell the bride I won't be able to attend the hen do even though I'm a bridesmaid (not make of honour) and go to the funeral to support my friend instead?

OP posts:

Wakk · 10/02/2019 18:52

I would go to the funeral

NerrSnerr · 10/02/2019 18:53

Of course the funeral comes first. If the bride is offended then I would question whether I wanted to be a bridesmaid or attend her wedding.

RelaisBlu · 10/02/2019 18:56

I would without hesitation attend the funeral if I felt my presence would bring comfort to the baby's mother. The bride should surely have the decency to understand this

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/02/2019 18:59

Funeral without a doubt. You're missing the hen, not the wedding. You can still be at the important things for both your friends.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/02/2019 19:00

Funeral.

RolandDeschainsGilly · 10/02/2019 19:01

Funeral

Littlebelina · 10/02/2019 19:04

Funeral. Having lost a young baby myself I know it meant a lot to me that people travelled to the funeral. If your other friend is truly a friend she will understand

MiceSqueakCatsMeow · 10/02/2019 19:05

Funeral. How could you explain to the bereaved mother that you went out on the piss instead?

Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 19:05

Funeral

DorothyZbornak · 10/02/2019 19:05

I would absolutely go to the funeral. If the hen is anyway decent then she should understand this.

Bringbackthestripes · 10/02/2019 19:10

Funeral. A hen party is a piss up-there will be other people there. Your friend has lost her baby, she needs you more.

AnoukSpirit · 10/02/2019 19:11

If the bride can't understand why you'd be going to the funeral then that's her issue not yours.

Surely there's no question here of which should be prioritised?

MamaWeasel · 10/02/2019 22:00

Funeral

Bowrito · 10/02/2019 22:25

I’m so sorry for your friends loss you must be feeling awful too being so far from her when she needs people the most.

Going to the funeral would be the choice that I would make. The bride and bridal party will understand - people are nice.
I couldn’t be at my best friends hen party (which I organized) as my DS was in hospital. I sent a gift hamper and wrote a letter to be read out during the games. You could send a bottle of bubbles to the bar or hotel?

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