Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose my distraught friend over niece?

25 replies

Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 17:39

Actually now wondering if I'm in the wrong although I feel like I'm not!
I was meant to take my niece swimming today, last minute thing arranged on Friday.
However, last night at about 11pm my best friend called me distraught and asked if she could stay at mine as 'she was worried about what she might do.'
I went and picked her up, she cried and confessed she has been drinking heavily for months and had now hit rock bottom. She spoke about feeling suicidal and not knowing what to do.
Given the serious situation I contacted my sister via text at about 1am and told her I was sorry but had to cancel and briefly explained. Sister seemed ok this morning but I have now had several heated messages from my mum saying I am out of order and she is sick of me prioritising everyone else? This is bollocks imo especially since my family aren't close and never do anything together unless I arrange it. Im thinking my sister may have made plans and had a moan about it so now my mum is using it for drama to blow up. AIBU or would everyone have chosen to stay with the distraught friend and arranged to take niece next weekend instead?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 10/02/2019 17:42

Yanbu-totally totally notFlowers and Cake op

Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 17:45

Tell your mum to back off Flowers

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 10/02/2019 17:46

No - you definitely made the right choice.
If your mother is so concerned about her Granddaughter missing swimming - could she not take her? If not swimming, something else that your niece would like?
May I ask what age your niece is?

KnopeforAmerica · 10/02/2019 17:46

I would have stayed with friend but followed up the text message with a phone call in the morning where I could explain better /apologise etc

paintinmyhairAgain · 10/02/2019 17:48

everyone loves a good family drama {smile]

PersonaNonGarter · 10/02/2019 17:48

YANBU on the face of it. However, it sounds as though there is a bit more back story to this so maybe you can tell us why you couldn’t see your friend and take your niece swimming. Could she not just have had a coffee while you went?

Original poster
Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 17:50

Thanks ladies. My niece is 4. I did talk to my sister on Facebook this morning at about half 9 and apologised again. I've promised to make it up to my niece next weekend and sister was even saying it may be for the best as my niece has been sneezing all morning. My mum is really getting stuck in to me now saying she won't be looking after my DS again (He is with his dad this weekend) tbh she only looks after DS once every few months anyway so no great loss

OP posts:
Original poster
Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 17:51

PersonaNonGarter
I didn't get to sleep until after 2am consoling her. Then today we went to her flat for clothes and to empty out all the alcohol. She is gonna stay at mine to try and dry out for a few nights

OP posts:
paintinmyhairAgain · 10/02/2019 17:56

i don't get why dm is banging her drum over this, what's her problem if dsisis fine with it ? dm sounds abit of a drama queen is this a regular thing for her ? sounds like she's cutting her nose to spite her face.

lazyarse123 · 10/02/2019 17:57

You're a lovely friend and if you're mum was so bothered she could have taken niece swimming. Hope your friend is ok op.

lazyarse123 · 10/02/2019 17:58

Your not you're.

user1471426142 · 10/02/2019 17:58

Your mum sounds like a shit stirer. She should have been asking if you were ok having to deal with someone in quite a vulnerable state. You will have had an emotional rollercoaster of an evening providing support. You don’t need drama the day after from your family.

ThatLibraryMiss · 10/02/2019 17:59

It's really hard to just quit alcohol, even with a friend for support. Would your friend be amenable to going to an AA meeting? She doesn't have to say or do anything but there'll be people who've been where she is and will understand, and there's support she can access when she wants it. If it's an open meeting you can go along to support her.

In case she's worried, British AA isn't really religious. They have something called a Higher Power, but that's whatever it means to each addict.

I wish your friend all the best on her journey.

bastardkitty · 10/02/2019 17:59

Sorry mother, what's it got to so with you?

Does she normally poke her nose in? Did your sister go telling tales? It sounds very OTT.

You did the right thing. Is your friend going to get some professional help?

Travisandthemonkey · 10/02/2019 18:00

Just tell them to fuck off.
Every situation involves an assessment, 4 year old, ok. It’s sad. But they’re not going to be fucked up. You’ll make it up.
Friend, at rock bottom needs immediate help.

Original poster
Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 18:01

Thanks Lazyarse123 I'm trying to be a good friend, sister and aunt but it's bloody difficult lol
paintinmyhairAgain My sister said she understood this morning and seemed fine so think it is just my mum being her usual narcissistic self. I've messaged my sister again to check we are ok. Think my inital gut that it's my mum that's the issue has just been verified

OP posts:
Travisandthemonkey · 10/02/2019 18:03

All I can say is you’re a nice person. Your mother isn’t. It’s that simple.

Original poster
Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 18:04

ThatLibraryMiss I spoke to her about that but she said she drinks because she is lonely so I'm thinking after a few days I will broach the subject again. She is quiet today but seems calmer. We are going to get my DS in a bit so that will cheer her up as she loves him to bits. Thank you all for the support I was starting to get a bit down about it and don't want her seeing I'm upset or she will feel awful x

OP posts:
Original poster
Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 18:08

The plot thickens. My sister just replied saying mum only knows about it as she asked her to watch my niece instead but mum was too hungover. Typical.

OP posts:
Iamtheworst · 10/02/2019 18:10

Some people like a big fat line between family and friends. I once went with a friend in an ambulance and stayed the night with him in hospital, called my dm at 8, from the hospital carpark to ask if we could put off lunch till the next day. I was treated to a nice long speech about not being taken advantage of by friends and remembering what was important. He’d been knocked off his bike, hardly a well thought out plan to take advantage. Still no idea why she thinks like this but I’d say accept it and move on doing what you want.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 10/02/2019 18:23

Explain to your sister the earache you are getting from your mum ...if your sister is ok with you maybe she can tell your mum to sod off on your behalf....Your mum has no right to stick her oar in where it isnt wanted.You sound a top friend OP keep being you and bugger your mother who sounds a tad unhinged!!!

Mintychoc1 · 10/02/2019 18:25

I think I’d have taken my niece swimming while my friend either slept it off, or she could have come along too, it would probably have made her feel a bit better, albeit temporarily.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 10/02/2019 18:33

Mine would have been disappointed at 4 to be let down by their aunt but it happens. People get sick, other things come up, plans have to change.You definitely did the right thing and you can tae your niece out some other time. Your mum is stirring. She should've just reassured DN that her auntie would have loved to come but couldn't.

riotlady · 10/02/2019 19:12

Sounds like your sister and niece are fine and your mum is making drama out of nothing?
I would pay her no mind, you’re a good friend and a good auntie

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 10/02/2019 19:18

Your mother couldn't do childcare because she was too hungover (you say this is typical of her).
And she is giving you grief? Sounds as if she may also have alcohol issues? Don't think I'd be happy with looking her after DC.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread