To ask for help on whether to end my relationship?

[carta]

I know this decision is ultimately mine and mine only but I'm just looking for advice because I feel completely lost in my own thoughts.

I've been going back and forth on this decision for 2 months. I have no idea what to do.

• DS is an only child, almost 2
• DP is an amazing dad in all aspects
• He has problems with being insecure and not trusting me. He gets paranoid and passive aggressive sometimes but he does recognise these issues and does make an effort to sort them out, sometimes he falls short. This is my main problem in the relationship.
• I haven't been exactly perfect. I suffer with depression but haven't told him about my struggles or that I've been referred for therapy. I've been going through a bad patch and he's been none the wiser about what's going on with me so has been angry about my laziness, relying on him for 90% of all the family jobs so he's been irritated at this as he thinks I've taken it for granted
• Sometimes I feel like I'm not 'in love' with him and sometimes wish for someone to come along that I am in love with. Sometimes I can't see myself with him in the long term.
• Sometimes I'm just so in love with our family unit and he makes me so happy and I want to have more children/get married!

I desperately need some sort of help of what to do now. I've actually 'split' with him today, but I don't know if I've made the right choice and I'm getting an urge to 'try again' but I'm trying to do what's best for DS and I feel like an awful parent because I don't know what that is.

Someone please offer advice here!

Why can't you tell him about your mental health?

The best thing for your ds is what makes you happy. Take care and talk to someone, either family or friend

@thethoughtfox He was vaguely aware of it a few years ago but there's just been no word of it since I got pregnant. I just never felt comfortable speaking about it, I never speak to anyone really about it and it's only took a big drop over the past 6 weeks which is why I've just been referred for therapy. It's something I'm working on getting over/finding other ways to communicate about it!

Unless you work on your appalling lack of communication, there is no hope for this relationship. If you don't intend on getting couple's counselling, I would just end it, because that's what will happen eventually anyway.

@stayathomer thank you- I'm just not sure what that is. Completely lost! 

@Aquamarine1029 couples counselling is far too out of our budget but might've been a good option!

I agree with previous poster youneed to comminicate. If he doesn’t know what you are going throughit won’t work

I think you need to deal with your mental health before deciding anything. He sounds pretty good to me and if you are unhappy in yourself it’s easy to blame it on someone close to you

Can he get some counselling for his insecurity? Was his DP's marriage rocky which is making him insecure now?
You both need to work on what is the issues, are past childhoods etc happy or do you need to sort out your feelings from the past which you seem to be bringing into this relationship. He cannot support your health issues if you keep them to yourself, why do that.

@Dodie66 @Lellikelly26 thank you. I think I haven't spoke to him about anything as I've just been drained with his insecurity issues. He's got in moods if I've had a lift with a male colleague and tried to insinuate that I'd slept with someone because I came home and my hair was a mess! He recognises it and says he'll sort out the issues but they seem to come back again and I'm just tired from him still taking his insecurities out on me sometimes.

I think for now you have probably done the right thing. See about talking to someone about your depression and getting yourself back on track first. Once you feel better in yourself you might just KNOW the right thing to do.

I don't think paranoia in a relationship is ever a good thing. Or something you should excuse, let alone passive aggression. It sounds like he has his own issues to deal with.

Let him continue to be a wonderful father but I think u did the right thing calling time on the relationship. 100%. At least for the time being. As it clearly wasn't working for either of you and I think you knew that deep down.

Well-done on being brave. Stay firm in your decision for now and concentrate on your boy and improving your own mental health and happiness.

@Silkie2 his insecurity issues/the way he seems women is (i believe) definitely from his rocky childhood.

@Solstice888 thank you!

Ah...these 'insecurities' he has, don't tend to fix themselves. Please don't make excuses for them. There aren't any. If it were me I wouldn't take him back. 100% better off single.

I have mental health problems and know how hard it is to tell people about it but if you shared it with him he might be more understanding of how you are. Seems like you both have issues to work on. Good luck x

@Dodie66 thank you.

I agree with previous 2 points as your best advice here,

1. Communicate with him, you guys don't stand a chance if you can't be honest with him and
2. Don't make any big decisions while you are feeling depressed as they may not be the right ones

Good luck Xxx xxx