Feel used by my best friend

[mojitogirl18]

Hello mumsnetters long time lurker but 1st post

Just want advice on how to deal with how my best friend treats me or if this is normal.
Basically when I became a Mum to my lovely 2 yr old DD the dynamics of the relationship changed. ( she has no children yet)

I'm still unemployed, looking for part time work she is at college and part time work. We both live with our parents and both early 20s and I drive she doesn't yet but she is learning too .

The relationship seemed very one sided to me about a year ago we usually met up for coffee once a week I always went to her even before I passed my driving test either bus or My lovely Mum gave me and DD lifts. Now she cancels last minute even on rare night outs that we planned 2 weeks in advance so my mum could watch DD or if I needed to book a babysitter. I know she has coursework and work but she seems to make a lot of time with other friends and I see pictures of her and other friends doing all these lovely things together and I feel upset and used because I'm the one that goes to her for coffee and I'm the one that has too organise babysitters to watch DD before I go out for late night coffee or a couple of drinks and I feel like when something better comes along she bails.

Is this normal I don't really have any other friends to go out with instead when I book babysitters and she cancels.

I don't text her all the time and I'm not a needy desperate person we talk about once a week on the phone and organise a getting together but it's always cancelled. I feel bf doesn't understand how much more harder it is to go out now that I have a DD.

Am I being unreasonable to expect a little more effort or should I pack the relationship in??

Tbh I'd let this one drift, you're at very different stages of your lives and being bailed is really irritating.

Do you go to playgroups with your dd? That's a great way of making new friends with parents/carers. I would focus on making new friends and end the friendship with this person. She doesn't sound like she values your friendship and her always bailing on you last minute is pretty crappy of her.

Get out to baby groups and widen your circle. I'm still friends with people I met at boob group a decade ago when DS was new.

Nursery and the school gate might seem like a long way away but you'll meet loads of people who have the same priorities as you and live locally. Even if you're shy (I'm utter bobbins at small talk) there'll be others who are in the same boat and it's impossible not to have a laugh with someone when you're changing shitty nappies next to each other or necking cake and coffee because you've had no sleep.

Thank you all for your replies no I haven't gone to a playgroup with DD but I'll look into one nearby.
I find it really hard socialising with new people and I think that's why I haven't met any new friends but it's something I'm going to work on aswell x

@mojitogirl18 I understand where you're coming from

I have postnatal depression and I've also had anxiety for years. I have minimal friends because I'm petrified of speaking to new people and I never know what to say when someone starts talking to me. The small amount of friends I actually have, I met through playgroup. It's definitely worth a try x

Thanks for your reply Fox and hound I'm sorry to hear you have postnatal depression and anxiety I hope your finding all the support you need. X

Posted to soon! I go into panic mode when someone talks to me and I end up mashing words up together and people must think I'm deranged when I talk x

Thank you and yeah I'm (eventually!) getting the right support ☺️ that's exactly what happens to me, or I randomly stutter and take ages to say what I want to say. It's horrible! X