To reconsider Shared custody

[Dippypippy1980]

Okay I may just be feeling jealous and insecure but

My husband and I separated when our daughter was one. We decided the best thing for her was 50-50 custody. It hasn’t been easy, but we have more or less made it work, until now.

My ex has a new girlfriend - they have been together since October and it is very serious very fast. While they don’t officially live together, my daughter (who is now six) says she stays there most nights she is with her dad. This lady has two children’s of her own, and she has become very involved in my daughters live, my ex seems to be taking a back seat now someone else is stepping up. I feel like I am sharing custody with her not him. We each pay half of our childminders bill, and she collects our daughter from school. The new girlfriend is a stay at home mum, so my ex cancelled half the childminders hours without telling me beciase his girlfriend will now look after our daughter on his days.

My daughter had a medical appointment on Friday that my ex was supposed to take her to, when I rang for a read out he told me his gf had taken her and he would get her to bring me up to speed! I am afraid I lost my temper and said she wasn’t a parent and should not have taken our daughter to the appointment. She doesn’t know her medical history - and I was surprised the doctor even talked to her.

To be fair, I have been in a relationship for three years. I waited a year to introduce my bf to my daughter, and it was another year before he moved in. My ex put a lot of rules in place and I have done my best to respect them. My boyfriend would be ever take my daughter to the doctor or go to a parent teacher meeting.

My daughter is unhappy that she has to stay with this new family - and often either sleep on the sofa or a blow up mattress.

Our arrangement is not formal - we havent actually divorced yet. I am starting to wonder if I should try to change the custody arrangement to weekends for him?

Sorry this turned into a very long rant. As I said, I understand I would react badly to a new woman in my child’s life, but this seems so much so fast - this lady really seems to be overstepping.

YANBU. She shouldn't be staying 50% of the time in a place she has to sleep on a blow up mattress. I can't believe she's doing medical appointments and talking to teachers after not even knowing DD a year!

I would email him a calm and sensible list of what is and isn't acceptable reminding him of his own rules for your bf and state that these are not up for discussion and if he doesn't comply you will be forced to reconsider contact arrangements. Don't talk about it by text or telephone keep it professional and a paper trail should it come to court further down the line.

Email is a good idea - I really do want my daughter to have a good relationship with her dad - it is so important that she feels loved and safe. But while I don’t think she is in any danger, the current arrangement is far from ideal - and it’s confusing for her.

The girlfriends children seem to have issues with it too, and are constantly telling her it’s their house and their mummy, so she can’t touch their toys etc. All perfectly normal for children - and I am sure they are also upset by this sudden change - but it is making my daughter very unhappy.

I do think my ex and this woman have got carried away playing happy families and aren’t managing the children’s adjustment very well.

I sometime pick my daughter up from ex mil’s and even she is referring to how tough ex has it now he is a father of three!! He isn’t. He has one child.

You need to keep it DD focused - that she isn't happy and it's just too much. She isn't happy sleeping on a blow up bed, can this be resolved? She isn't happy at staying there every night can it be more occasional?

You have to do what's right by your DD Op - it doesn't sound like her dad is putting her first anymore. Hope you get sorted.