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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is it cheeky to ask for a specific gift?

22 replies

PedroTheCowboyLostHisGlasses · 10/02/2019 12:27

Is it cheeky to ask for a specific gift for your birthday if you havnt been asked especially if it is pricy. Mil has asked us to get her an expensive perfume for her birthday that costs between 50 and 100 pounds. We didn't ask she just told us that's what she wants. It's out of our budget and we have already got her a gift.

OP posts:
Tobebythesea · 10/02/2019 12:30

Tell her you’ve already got her a gift.

DramaAlpaca · 10/02/2019 12:31

Just tell her you've got something already.

Stinkytoe · 10/02/2019 12:32

I think it’s cheeky to ask for a specific, expensive gift if no budget has been set

CalmdownJanet · 10/02/2019 12:36

Yes it's very cheeky to ask for something, totally different to suggesting/saying what you would like if asked. Definitely say "sorry we already have your gift, I'm sure you will like it though", but since you have started this thread I think that moment and opportunity has passed, what was your reply?

DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/02/2019 12:38

Tell DH to tell her you've already got something.

MumW · 10/02/2019 12:40

Tell DH to tell her you've already got something.
^This

Bluelady · 10/02/2019 12:41

It doesn't matter whether it's cheeky or not, it's not happening, is it?

Original poster
PedroTheCowboyLostHisGlasses · 10/02/2019 12:47

Dh thinks we should just get her what she wants and either give her both, save it for Christmas or give it to someone else.

OP posts:
TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 12:47

VERY cheeky. MN is full of these pisstaking parents demanding expensive gifts off their offspring. I'd tell her we've already got you a gift. If she tell you to take it back and get her the perfume, please don't hesitate to tell her, 'No, that's far beyond our means. We can't buy you that.' If she strops then get her nothing at all. Don't kowtow to her.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/02/2019 12:47

I'd have just responded that we'd already bought her present. It would have smoothly ended that conversation, lowered her expectations and looked honest as it was immediate.

I don't think it's unreasonable of your MIL to tell her son what she'd like for her birthday. I'm presuming she's not usually grabby and therefore that's how much she thinks he usually spends? It is more unreasonable if she made it clear that was the only thing she wanted.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 12:49

Dh thinks we should just get her what she wants and either give her both, save it for Christmas or give it to someone else.

NFW. Just tell her yourself that it's too expensive and you won't be getting it for as it's out of your budget.

JRMisOdious · 10/02/2019 12:55

Tricky. After years of telling my family that I really didn’t want anything (genuinely, I’m quite low maintenance 😁) and then being given things that they liked but I didn’t need or was likely to use as a result, I do drop hints now. It’s mostly for things that I’d buy anyway which I think is ok. I certainly wouldn’t be offended if someone told me what they would like. I’d never ask for 50 quid’s worth though.

Romanov · 10/02/2019 12:56

you've already got her a gift, suggest you give her vouchers towards it for Mothers day

macblank · 10/02/2019 12:59

I remember back in the day, we would give out lists of Argos codes! lol

Now with my fiancee, her n her daughter (too old to be my dsd) they do Amazon wishlists esp for Christmas. It has a range of prices, say £5-20. We spend on them (daughter, her wife, and child) £20 each max. For each other were about the same, sometimes over, but a few smaller gifts to add to unwrapping!

To say to someone... I WANT. In my mind can go fuck off. I was brought up... I want, never gets. Most probably so was your mil, so get a £2 bottle of scent from Primark, and say that'll teach you for being greedy! But.... That's just me 😉

KC225 · 10/02/2019 13:06

Maybe she wants you to tell FIL that the perfume gift she wants. Can your DH have a word with his Dad and say we have got her a gift but if you were wondering what to get her she wants this ........

Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 13:08

Good plan KC

gamerchick · 10/02/2019 13:09

Give her what you've got and maybe a 20 quid voucher towards the purfume.

Or back off and let him deal with it but I'd be reminding him of the household budget.

Pinkyyy · 10/02/2019 13:10

If you start taking gift demands, they will come every birthday and Christmas from now on. Do you really want to open yourself up to that? Save yourself the trouble in the long term and say no now

BeanTownNancy · 10/02/2019 13:18

Meh. Personally I don't think it's a problem to ask for something specific, but I think it's unreasonable to expect it if it might be above someone's budget.

After 20-odd years of getting random stuff that someone else has chosen for me and having it all cluttering up my house, I'm glad that both my family and my in-laws all now do wish lists so I don't have to feel uncomfortable about giving or receiving an unwanted present. If someone wants something which costs too much for us, a few of the family might go in together on the gift.

If you've already got her a gift you think she'll like then just tell her that. Unless she's got form as a CF, I wouldn't immediately assume that she's being one now.

flumpybear · 10/02/2019 13:24

They're selling Vera Wang princess on amazon for about 14 in deal of the day Shock perhaps she needs a new scent assuming that's not her perfume of choice lol 😆

gowgow · 10/02/2019 13:26

Get her a copy from Perfume Parlour & tell her you couldn't afford the original.

OMGithurts · 10/02/2019 13:26

What is your husband planning on going without to ensure he can pander to his mum's ridiculous demands without the rest of the family suffering?

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