To ask for a handhold?:(

[handjold]

I've just officially split with DS's father. I haven't been happy for a while.

He hasn't took it great. Has begged that he'll do anything, told me I'm giving up and says that it'll mess up DS's life to have two separate families.

I feel so guilty. For DS and for my - now ex. I feel like I'm an awful person. I was sure I was making the best decision and now I am doubting that DS will thank me for it and how it'll work with him.

I have no one to speak to about this and needed to get it off my chest

and says that it'll mess up DS's life to have two separate families

He’s wrong. It’s how you handle it that’s important.

i'm so sorry to hear this, it must be awful right now for you and your son. take it day by day. what are your reasons?

Presumably you have taken steps to try to repair whatever's gone wrong in the relationship rather than just thrown in the towel without warning?

If so, no, YANBU. Do you have supportive family or friends you can talk to?

@cementpointing yeah, I'm feeling a bit lost.
We just generally weren't getting on/were bringing out bad sides of each other.
We've had a lot of months of saying things will change but nothing does.
He's got a lot of issues with jealousy& insecurity and lack of trust for me (through no fault of my own) and is taking these problems out on me and getting slightly controlling.
And I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him anymore. I couldn't see myself with him for another 5 years, never mind 40+.

@Butchyrestingface it's been a good 7-8 months of contemplating if it's worth it and going back and forth. We've both made comments about being unhappy, but this morning he's acted like it's out of the blue (when we've spoke in depth previously).

We've had a lot of months of saying things will change but nothing does.
He's got a lot of issues with jealousy& insecurity and lack of trust for me (through no fault of my own) and is taking these problems out on me and getting slightly controlling.

I think pulling the plug sounds absolutely reasonable in the circumstances. Don't let him try to guilt trip you into backing down.

Has he taken steps to address his issues with with insecurity/jealousy/trust? Has he sought counselling? (I guess the answer is no).

so quite a toxic environment? That can be very damaging for a child too. could you have a trial separation, get to know yourself and one another again? it would mean a massive re-jig to your family finances but the same effects as a permanent separation.

@Butchyrestingface no, he's just always said it'd change. It never has. He's tried to say that now he's seen the severity of how it's affected me (now I'm breaking up with him), that it'll definitely change now.

@cementpointing I'm not too sure. We've tried him temporarily moving out before and when he comes back, things gradually return to our 'norm'. I feel like it'd be the same again.

@Butchyrestingface no, he's just always said it'd change. It never has. He's tried to say that now he's seen the severity of how it's affected me (now I'm breaking up with him), that it'll definitely change now.

Sure it will. For five minutes. This isn't a healthy environment for your kid to grow up in. And you deserve better. Stand your ground.

sadly, they only give serious thoughts after you've left.

And If you return it all goes back to how it was.

((((((((Huge Madd Hugs)))) I fell you are doing the right thing for you and LO

@TheMaddHugger thank you!!!!

Feel, not fell

💐🌼🌸🌺🌻🍷🍫🍦🍰

PDF copy of "why does he do that"

sugested reading

www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page=2

I just feel so awful for hurting him!

You really shouldn't. He should have listened for the last few months and taken notice. He Isn't a Victim to be sorry for here.

I just feel so awful for hurting him! sad

Does he feel equally awful for hurting you?

@JacquesHammer is spot on.