Thanks to MN I discovered my parents were narcissists. I am in good company on here.
My parents have decided not to help in great moments of crisis during my life. My youngest being rushed to hospital with a life threatening illness, my parents said they couidnt look after my eldest child as my mother had a cold.
I have had a string of major operations and my parents have not even texted me to check I was okay, much less offer to help or support me in any way. The latest was sadly very serious, and still they choose to ignore me for months. I don’t expect them to rush to my bedside or help with their grandchildren, but a single text to see if I can was okay/alive would have been nice. They instead went on holiday.
Then months later they would get in touch and pretend nothing has happened, and my mother would gush that she had missed us all. When can she see us, as if nothing had happened.
I asked them why they did this. The answers ranged from being on holiday or simply ‘they couldn’t deal with of the stress of me being in hospital’. I understand it is their choice, and I have over the years learnt to manage without them well. Now I fully expect them never to be there for me under any circumstances.
I went nc for a long while because they continually hurt me in some shape or another.
The biggest problem I have now, emerging from my last and final major surgery (no surprise that they have not been around to help again, nor did I expect them to be)
Is that they still expect a ‘normal’ relationship, they expect to be able to drop me without a word for months and sometimes up to a year at a time, usually during hard times when most people turn to their family, and then they want happy family times as if nothing has happened.
I have found it very hard to cut them out of my life altogether, but I have no idea how to manage them. What would you do?