To mention something to friend who smells bad

[FrustratedBeyond]

So, I work with someone who I tolerate as they are a true narcissist. They were immensely overweight, managed to lose a large amount but weight is piling back on. Its hard to watch the entire company talking about them behind their back about their clothes smelling dirty (like they've been worn all week), feet smelling even with shoes on, but worst of all, their teeth... They are completely caked in the thickest tartar I've ever seen and their breath literally smells like they've been eating poop. It's so bad that at 8 feet away, it makes me gag. Its become the laughing point of people who dont even know them that people have numerous awful nicknames for them. How do I approach someone who refuses to think anything about them is wrong, and thinks you are jealous or you are a bully if you criticise or give gentle advice!

If this is a work colleague and not a friend then I’d leave it to their manager, especially if you don’t think they’ll believe you anyway.

@FrustratedBeyond I didn't want to read and run. I've no advise really as I'm literally the worst at that kinda thing. But I defo wouldn't condone the name calling. Think that should be mentioned to HR. In relation to the teeth; would it be passive aggressive to bring up in conversation that you got your teeth cleaned recently and really happy with how they turned out and see if your colleague shows any interest?

This is something their manager should deal with. If you say anything you may get accused of bullying.

Sorry is this a friend or just a work colleague you tolerate? This persons breath/teeth are so bad that it seems everyone has noticed so could it be addressed by management? It doesn’t really sound fair that others have to tolerate this as it doesn’t seem like a medical condition just exceptionally bad hygiene. I take it you don’t work with the public?

X posted with others

Im sad to say their previous manager asked them if they have been registered with a dentist and out came 'manager is a bully' etc etc comments... I can't express just how bad the breath smell is, never thought it was possible for a mouth to smell like that. It even makes the communal phones smell so we'll have to discreetly clean them when we need to use them!

I must sound so insensitive but its very difficult for us to deal with day in day out, and then cringe when people walk in the office and say 'omg why does this office smell like shit?!'

This is definitely a management problem. Speak to a manager in confidence and explain how this is impacting on your work environment. It is possible that your colleague is having mental health issues or problems away from work which are impacting on their ability to maintain minimal hygiene standards.

We had a manager a few years ago whose breath was absolutely rank. Made you feel sick, smell was vile and he always wanted to meet in his very small enclosed office. Eventually a group of staff got together (not in a bad way but in a 'he's in a customer facing role and he obviously doesn't realise kind of way') and persuaded the senior manager to speak to him. He insisted his halitosis was linked to depression then left the company!! It was awful. He was a horrendous manager and a bit of a bully but the smell really was intolerable and his wife and family should really have told him!!

@jocktamsonsbairn

This is the thing, they are married!! They have a close relationship with their parents too but it appears to be a 'family trait' so I assume they weren't brought up to adhere to basically hygiene standards. Its not my issue really at the end of the day but they are becoming 'infamous' in our 600 strong company... If you mention their name to someone, people say 'oh, do you mean the one that smells like something died?'

She sounds depressed, it may be that she is just a minger but sometimes when people are depressed they don’t look after themselves, she is putting weight back on and isn’t washing herself or her clothes. I would speak to a manager to address this because your team shouldn’t have to put up with her lack of hygiene.

I had a friend once who was really insulted because the manager told her she look3d scruffy and needed to iron her clothes, so I asked her if she was ironing her cloths and she said no. I then told her that she needed to sort herself out as she was in a client fac8ng role and it’s not professional, I did also point out to her how hard it is for a manager to have to address a staff member about this type of thing. She started ironing her clothes after that.

Could you write it in a card anonymously?

I know it’s the cowardly way out but you could write something like

This is so hard for me to do and I just couldn’t say it to your face but.....blah blah blah

If somehas written something kind but straight, it’s not your fault if they take it badly.

Can you ask your manager if you can transfer to a different office due to the smell?

This puts pressure on the manager to deal with the situation. Perhaps they can refer colleague to occupational health for support.

I worked with a lovely man who had terrible oral hygiene. I used to look away when he smiled. It's so sad but it repulsed me. I never said a thing. He was lovely and "his body his rules" as they say. It sounds like you don't like your colleague and if that's the case then is think you wanted to say something in order to wound him/her.