Grandparent moving to another country

[Lozsmith]

I’ve just found out through a Facebook announcement from my stepmother that her and my dad have bought a house in Hawaii. They didn’t message or tell me before I found out with everyone else on Facebook. They wouldn’t actually move there but would live there for 6 months a year from November through to April time.
It’s more complicated as I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant with the first grandchild of our family, I had a missed miscarriage in September and they didn’t really bother with me which I found hurtful.
I have my 12 week scan on Monday and I’m thinking I’m going to email my dad and tell him how the house announcement has made me feel. I feel I have to say something but am I being unreasonable by being upset that he didn’t even say beforehand that a house was on the cards?
They were looking at buying a house last year but pulled out, my dad later told me brother he was glad as he didn’t want to go there so it feels very much like my stepmother is making the decisions. She doesn’t have any family but I would’ve thought they’d want to be more around considering our new arrival. Am I mad for expecting a bit more from them? I don’t know what to do 😕
We’ve already told them that we won’t be able to visit as it’s such a long way, so we won’t be able to see them at all in the six months they’re away for.
Advice/sense check appreciated! X

Tricky one. YANBU to be pissed off of course. But they are not being unreasonable doing what they want with their lives.

Does sound like your dad doesn't want to go though. And your stepmum is bullying him into it.

Can you talk to him alone?

Lots of people don't see their parents or grandparents for six months at a time....because of distance or whatever. You can't control your dad. Just let him know you look forward to seeing him when he back. You can use Skype FaceTime in between.
What will you achieve by telling him you feel abandoned?

Gosh I saw my Granny once a year for ten years til she died, as she lived in Scotland. Ten times in my life. I didn’t feel abandoned as a grandchild, there was the telephone.

It’s a shame they didn’t tell you and I think you can raise that with him.

As for being around because of a grandchild YABU I am afraid.

I can understand you feeling shocked.

And probably even a little hurt that they won’t be around for the baby as much as you thought.

I do think the only part you’re not really BU about is how you found out, though.

Sorry, you need a shift in perspective. You don't get to 'expect' things from grandparents. They've raised you, that's enough. Now it's your turn to be a parent and they can get on with their own lives.

Six months of the year, they'll be nearby. You might grow to value the six months they are away.

You know, life is very short and it’s for living and part of that is for yourself not other people. You’ll still have 6mths of them in country with you. And I wouldn’t be complaining about having to visit them in Hawaii either. Not too shabby

I'm surprised that your father didn't tell you excitedly that he is going to have a holiday home in an exotic location.

I'd be thinking more of cheap holidays in years to come.

I think it's great, they're obviously intending to enjoy their retirement and are financially able to do so. I understand your shock at finding out the way you did but with FaceTime/Skype etc the world is a much smaller place and they won't miss out on grandchildren, just won't physically see them as much as you expected.

I encourage my parents to spend all their money travelling and doing things they enjoy whilst they are still able to.

Wow! Didn’t expect so many replies! Thanks everyone, really interesting to get different perspectives.
I have fully thought about the fact that my dad is retired and has worked hard to get where he is. I think he’s perfectly within his right to want to live abroad for six months of the year. It’s more the way I found out and that I haven’t actually had a chance to talk about it face to face with him. And that he said he didn’t want to live there. It feels like my stepmother is forcing him to live away from me, and I don’t want him to be spineless if he truly doesn’t want to go. If he does then yes I need to get over it.