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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too young for a pen knife?

27 replies

HerondaleDucks · 09/02/2019 21:54

Am I being totally unreasonable to say that 13 is too young to be given a pen knife?
My dp was talking about giving one to my 13 yo dsd.
I think it's too young, it can be construed as a weapon although legal at under 3 inch foldable blade, I don't think it's appropriate.
If she went to school with it she could get into serious trouble.
I also really worry about it potentially being used for self harm; her best friend self harms and as a reformed self harmed I'm conscious of all potential risks. She's not great at talking about her feelings and I know how easy it is at 13 to turn to methods of dealing with upset that are harmful.
I am a resident parent, so I do feel somewhat responsible about this choice. Dp thinks I'm over reacting, what does mumsnet think?

OP posts:
youaremyrain · 09/02/2019 21:56

What would it be for? Does she go fishing? Carve wood? What would she need one for? Maybe there's an alternative multi tool that would suffice without a blade on it?

Tavannach · 09/02/2019 21:56

If she goes camping a lot I suppose a penknife is okay. Otherwise I can't see why she'd need one.

lemonface · 09/02/2019 21:57

Both my dds have them, they use them for whittling sticks in the woods or when we are camping. Perhaps it depends what he is getting it for? Mine are very outdoorsy and they will use them for outdoors stuff. They were both 10 when they got them

magoria · 09/02/2019 21:57

I don't think 13 is too young. As long as you teach them to respect it properly and what is and isn't allowed.

JuniperBeer · 09/02/2019 21:57

Where do you live? What does your DD do in her spare time? If she’s walking the streets after school with her mates no definitely not. If she’s climbing around building dens in the suburbs maybe.
It’s about teaching her to be safe with it. Specific places she allowed it. Where it stays. How to handle it properly. What she can use it for.
If you can’t can’t teach her those things or she has no use for it then she doesn’t get one. If she needs one for scouts or makes stuff or uses it in the garden fine. But only you know your child and the environment they are growing up in

ChoudeBruxelles · 09/02/2019 21:59

Dh and ds go wild camping. Ds has had a knife (now has a few) since he was about 8. He’s not allowed it at any other times and it’s locked away when they aren’t camping

Original poster
HerondaleDucks · 09/02/2019 21:59

Interesting!
Dp's thinking behind it is that she is in the Army Cadets and it might be useful. But I said if they were doing an activity that needed a knife then it would be provided and they would be taught to use the tool appropriately.
We don't go camping as a family so it would only be in this setting.

OP posts:
AChickenCalledKorma · 09/02/2019 22:00

It's pretty common for scouts to have their own pen knife and they start at age 10.5 or so. My two daughters have both had their own from that sort of age. But they are not carried around when not needed and I am really confident they won't be misused.

Why does your dp want her to have one?

Lovingbenidorm · 09/02/2019 22:01

It’s not 1940, who the hell has a penknife anyway?
DH has one in his sock drawer that he’s owned for about 30yrs!
I’d say your biggest concern was the fact that you are worrying that she may self harm with it.
If she’s going to self harm it makes no difference if you give her a blade or not.
Focus on the real issues here

Tavannach · 09/02/2019 22:02

Just ask the cadet leader what they think.

formerbabe · 09/02/2019 22:03

Absolute madness

ShinyMe · 09/02/2019 22:03

I had a folding Opinel penknife when I was maybe 7 or 8 - we used to go camping a lot, and lived in the countryside. I liked whittling sticks and making bows and arrows and things. My dad was very strict about making sure I knew how to use it properly though.

Rocketpants50 · 09/02/2019 22:04

Depends what they 'need' a knife for. I have a friend who gave her DD a knife for xmas aged 13. She is into archery and uses it whilst doing this. Equally my nephew aged 6 uses one frequently as does lots of woodland crafts, it isnt left in their possession.
If they just want a knife and not for a hobby then I dont understand why they would need one and would say no. They need to learn to respect it and how they use it. To give it as a gift just to have a knife then really is a big no. Imagine the temptation to take it to school one day just as protection, the consequences are not worth thinking of.

lucy101101 · 09/02/2019 22:05

I bought my kids penknives around 5/6 - ones for children with a rounded blade - I actually can't believe that you think 13 is too old for them! Using a knife is a life skill that I would put on a par with riding a bike, throwing a ball etc.

Original poster
HerondaleDucks · 09/02/2019 22:06

This is why I posted as I did think maybe I was projecting my own concerns onto what was perfectly reasonable.
I will suggest that dp talks to cadets before giving it to her, but I would definitely suggest he talks to her about what it should be used for and how to use it safely and makes sure that it's locked away when she is not at cadets.

OP posts:
anniehm · 09/02/2019 22:10

My dd has one as she's a cadet.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/02/2019 22:10

My DS(13) is a scout and he has one but other than on scout camps where they’re told they need it he doesn’t bother with it at all. He’s a sensible sort. My younger DS (9) doesn’t know it exists because he is a magnet for trouble and would be whipping it out and flashing it around everywhere.

blueskiesovertheforest · 09/02/2019 22:10

My kids all had them from 6. All their friends did too - round ended. They're a fairly standard 6th birthday present where I live - most kids whittle with them Grin Obviously part of the reason for giving them penknives at 6 is that 6 year olds are more obedient and easy to instruct than teens and regard having a penknife as an honour and responsibility they could lose. Of course you teach them rules and safety as prerequisites, and that includes keeping the knife in a communal area of the house when not in use and never taking it anywhere without asking first, as well as how to use it safely.

13 is old for a first penknife not young, but if you're worried about self harm or her not following your rules that's a whole different ball game with different rules.

AChickenCalledKorma · 09/02/2019 22:11

Cadets may also have a written policy about handling knives and when the young people are permitted to carry and handle them. I know that the scouts do.

Shitonthebloodything · 09/02/2019 22:16

Is it ok for a child to be walking around with a knife they don't need? No of course not! To take along to a relevant hobby with the knowledge, permission and supervision of a leader, no problem.
I wouldn't leave one in the possession of my own (reasonably sensible) 13 year old.

Original poster
HerondaleDucks · 09/02/2019 22:16

Mmm clearly this is more of a right of passage than I thought. No children that I know in our area has one, I also work with teenagers that are in trouble for carrying knives, so understand more than most what would happen if she took it to school and something happened.
The self harm part- she's had a really rough year and her friend does it. I also used to self harm at 13-22 so am fully aware that I could be paranoid about it because I know how much of a slippery slope it is.
Maybe I'm just overthinking it... if 6 year olds are given them. Wow. Didn't know that was a thing?!

OP posts:
Jeeves93 · 12/02/2019 15:15

Dp's thinking behind it is that she is in the Army Cadets and it might be useful. But I said if they were doing an activity that needed a knife then it would be provided and they would be taught to use the tool appropriately.

I'm afraid not, we're not made of knives you know! We suggest cadets get their own. I recommend one that is obviously a utility knife, not a stabbing knife. An example would be a swiss army knife with a short blade, under 3 inches. These are perfectly legal under UK law. Locking blades can also be used and IMO are safer, but they require you to justify it if caught with one. Easier to avoid the question entirely.

Whatever the knife, it must be sharp.

TeeniefaeTroon · 12/02/2019 15:20

DD got one when she was around 12. She used it for camping with the scouts and fishing with her dad. I didn't lock it away at other times, it just stayed with her camping/fishing gear.

statetrooperstacey · 12/02/2019 15:21

I would all my kids have had them, I think 13 is quite old tbh. A Swiss Army knife is awesome!! So cool. I also wouldn't lock it away,
Let her have it. They can come in very useful. My kids also have fire starters, and one has a bow and arrow.

PippilottaLongstocking · 12/02/2019 15:24

I got my son his first penknife for his 5th birthday! It’s a special kids one with a rounded end and obviously he’s not allowed to use it unsupervised but kids can be taught how to use them safely and the younger they learn the better IMO. I would hope a 13 year old is sensible enough to not take a penknife to school.