How would you feel?

[Littletreasure2017]

Not really an aibu but I was wondering what other's do and if this is normal or not.
Before I start I have no problem with mil calling her son!! But she will call the minute he walks through the door if not before, the other day she phoned him 4 times in the space of half an hour, as he walked through the door, I think it annoyed me because our lo was quite poorly and I was absolutely knackered, we thought something was wrong but she was just calling to say hello x

A little inconsiderate maybe but I think it's your OH place to tell her when is a more convenient time to call..

My aunt does this to my Mum. It's exhausting. She's the only person that ever phones the house phone so the moment it rings it fills you with dread as you know that whatever you were there for will now take hours longer.

Yanbu. This would annoy me too. How does she know when he's stepped foot in the house? She seems to have great timing. Not.

She'll just call him around the time he gets home, glad I'm not being unreasonable, sometimes I feel she wants to come before us, ( she has no reason to, I don't feel it's like that ) xx

Four times in the space of an hour? Did he answer every time? If so, that was excessive.

Actually, even if he didn’t answer, that was excessive, especially if it were to say hello..

Maybe, he should just ignore the phone until it’s convenient to talk. A phonecall is just an invitation to talk, not a summons.

Or is it inconvenient to talk, npthen to answer the phone and say it’s not convenient to talk, and you will call later, or the next day, or whenever.

It was in the space of half hour, no he sent a text and said dd was poorly and he wanted to cuddle her etc and asked if everything was okay xx

This sounds familiar.... was this not posted about a few months ago?

Not by me no, new on here and this happened the other day xx

Your dh should just let it go to vm. Or tell her not to call at that time as he won’t be answering. If she needs to speak to him daily set up a better time

Could it be that she is becoming forgetful, does not realise that she phoned 15 minutes ago or that she forgot to tell him something?

That would be a suggestion that she might have started having a form of dementia.

I totally get it. Mil has a habit of calling just as dinner is dished up. If DH says it’s dinner she has to ask what it is, tell him what she had...we don’t care, we just want to eat. If we don’t answer she rings over and over until we do...I once was doing something so couldn’t answer and she called continually for an hour! Leave amessage we’ll call back as it’s notnurgrnt it’s just irrelevant tripe!!!!

Thankyou for your replies, no i don't think it's forgetfulness, I think it's more she's got to come first as it only started happening once we'd had dd otherwise we wouldn't hear from her till a text late, like a jealously thing maybe xx

This would drive me up the wall
If mil called at inconvenient time, we would both ignore call - she was one of few who used landline and also ignored on mobile until convenient to us with dinner DC etc

Very needy was the word i was looking for xx

Turn the ringer off?

Is she calling landline or his mobile?

If landline turn ringer off and let it go to VM. Will she then call his mobile though?

I totally understand it's annoying but it's DH who has to do something about it. He has to tell her he needs to time to settle down and have a cuppa before talking to people and that he won't be answering her until at least X o clock. Every day seems excessive but I appreciate every family is different.

I don't mind her calling daily, I speak to my mum daily and wouldn't change that, it's just the needing to talk to him as soon as his home before I've had chance to speak to him or quality time with his daughter, sometimes he will have football that evening so the time between work and football isn't much xx

Sorry should have said, it's his mobile, couldn't have a house phone it would drive me mad both phones going xx

Does he drive home from work? Could he agree to call her on his drive home every day? That way she gets to speak to him daily, but it's out of the way before he gets in.

My MIL started doing this from the minute she knew I was pregnant.
She asked my DH what time he left and returned to the house each day...then the calls started...a stupid excuse to phone in the morning and then phoning the second he walked in the door to give him the latest gossip.

They had never been close and she wasn't ringing to ask about me or the pregnacy.I remember being home from work all day being poorly.I felt so fed up because I hadnt spoken to a single person and was looking forward to my DH getting home.

So I was in the kitchen with a meal ready to serve up,heard my DH come into the house right on time.The phone rang...this was before we had mobiles and the phone was in the hallway....DH answered...an hour later he was still talking to her. He was too polite to get rid.

When he put the phone down I had a stern conversation with him.Said I expected him to come in when he knew his food was ready and to at least check on me when I was unwell. Also told him just because a phone was ringing doesnt mean it has to be answered,especially when you know who it will be.

So we did start ignoring the phone every morning and everyday at 5.30pm. I made sure I answered one evening and she complained she had been calling and where had we been....I told her either getting ready for work or coming home saying hello to each other and trying to eat tea in peace....she got the message eventually....until the baby came along but thats another story.
But I did put this down to some weird jealouy thing

Cleanaswhistle that sounds like a night mare!! How else did she change when you got pregnant? Xx

TREASURE ...when I was pregnant she showed no interest.
I would deliberatly bring up the baby in conversation but she didnt really comment unless I said I had been shopping...dont buy new,get second hand,why did you buy that you wont need it etc etc.

When baby arrived took her a week to come over and she never bought a gift. I was holding baby over my shoulder when she walked in...she shouted you dont wind a baby like that give it here...I said a very firm NO.If she had come in and said oh how lovely etc I would have handed the baby straight to her.

She got very bossy after that and wanted my DH to be on hand to run around after her.If we did visit her the minute we walked through the door she would say to my DH why are you not at work,she would then say Im glad you turned up I need jobs doing. She would lead him out the room and I was left sitting on my own.

A few months later my DH sister got pregnant with her first baby.So MIL would now at least come back to the living room but to show me all the gifts she had bought for her daughters baby.

Once baby arrived the difference in how my child was treated was so different to how SIL child was.My sons first Xmas he got a £5 bath toy offMIL.The year after was SIL babys first Xmas...MIL was trying to find a beautiful big rocking horse because the baby had to have something special for her 1st Xmas.I left MIL house one day and told my DH I was never going back.I said if she visits us she will be made welcome,but she never bothered.

Cleanasawhistle that sounds awful!! Do they not bother with your lo now?
We had the whole favouritism as well!! Xx

Why does your DH just not answer and let it go to voicemail? Send her a text saying 'Just got home, I'll call you later/tomorrow' whatever...

...this was all a few years ago,my MIL has since died.
Think over 10 years she came here twice,both times telling us what she had done and bought the grandaughters.
I never said a word,up to her who she wants to spend her money on but I wasnt going to visit her and sit and listen to that.
All those years I went to her home and I was never offered a cup of tea.

I just said to my DH ,you visit her if you want but me and our son wont be wont be.
He eventually realised that she treated him like a trades man,she only got in touch when she wanted jobs done....he started seeing less of her when she had sent for him to fix the bed. When he got there it wasnt her bed that was broken but the leg on the spare bed.
She told him the grandaughters stayed over every weekend and had been jumping on the bed.....it had to be fixed before the next sleep over. For once he told her straight,if those kids have broken something it was up to their parents to fix it and not him.