Has anyone been "on/off" with the parent of their child?

[alalita]

DP and I split when DS was newborn. Got back together after his 1st birthday. DS is 2 now and we are going through a very bad patch. I do not want to be an unstable parent to DS but I'm panicked about splitting again.

Has anyone been "on/off" with their child's parent & had them and their children come out the other side? I'm not sure what I want because my vision is so clouded by feeling like a horrific parent.
I just want to know that I'm not the only person who's been through a situation like this and I'm not a terrible parent.

No harsh comments please, I feel like a terrible mum and I'm trying to keep things completely stable for DS.

Not on/off but if you're going to split now is the time. Your DS won't remember a time when mum and dad lived together and he'll always know you as a happy, well adjusted mum rather than if you stay together for his sake. I think you so need to be sure though and not go back to him when you find being a single mum/ sharing DS hard

@kitkatsky thank you- that's definitely a point I'm very conscious of too!

Parents model behaviour for their children. Dont let your child grow up thinking it's normal to be in an unhappy relationship

I used to be on/off with my children’s dad when they were small. We are now permanently off.

No harsh judgements from me. It’s hard to let go when you love someone even when the relationship is toxic. But the best thing you can do is to walk away now while your child is still tiny and has no memories of you being with his dad and being unhappy.

@YouSayPotatoesISayVodka thank you for your reply. I'm just torn not knowing what the right thing to do is for the sake of DC. Not being sure whether it's a rough patch or time to call it completely quits.

Can I ask how old your DC were when you called it off completely?

I left with them when they were 9 and 5 but that was due to DV. He’d always been a bastard it just took me several years to realise it as abuse.

The off and on happened in the first 4 years of my eldest child’s life. She does remember the bad times (not the violence but shouting, crying) and feeling like it was her fault. Even when that wasn’t going on the atmosphere must have been awful for her.

I don’t know what your bad patch is consisting of so I don’t know what the atmosphere is like. I hope whatever you decide to do you and your child (and his dad) can be happy.

Yes. Gave up when DD was about 8 because he was horrible to me and her. I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life with him, pandering to what he wanted and trying to fit in with him all the time. Me and DD are now really close (she's 16), I'm so glad I got rid of him. He is a fairly useless dad. I think I might have been able to meet someone else if I'd left whilst she was younger, when I did meet someone it just felt she was too old to have a man come into the house.