To be upset about my relationship with my brother

[Bananafritter]

Not really sure if anyone is being unreasonable here but just need to vent.

I am the youngest of three. Get on really well with the oldest sibling however I find my brother, who is the middle child, really difficult to get on with.

I still see my siblings semi regularly, once every 2 months or so for parents birthday etc, but we tend to go for overnight stays. So 24hrs plus rather than a couple of hours

He is a very stubborn person (a bit of a family joke so not just me who thinks so) but the two of us clash more so than anyone else. I feel that he will argue with me about anything, just for the sake of being right. I’ve tried to discuss it with him but he shuts me down. He can also get quite aggressive when he argues, shouting and swearing at me.

I’ve got to the point where I really don’t enjoy his company but I feel sad to think we won’t have a relationship going forwards and I want to maintain at least a civil relationship for my parents sake.

I’m not really sure what my question is. Does anyone relate to this and have any advice on how to cope with it? Or is there possibly hope that we will get along better in the future? Anything I can do to deal with his argumentative nature?

Honestly? The only thing you can do is refuse to engage. Arm yourself with a handful of meaningless phrases "not sure", "perhaps you're right", "mmn-hmm" and don't discuss anything more controversial than the weather with him. Can you get your other sibling to run interference for you?

And if the above doesnt work and he's determined to be unpleasant then you need to draw some boundaries- like saying quietly "I wont be spoken to like that" and walking out of the room/house. Dont let yourself be harassed or bullied for the sake of fake family "harmony".

My brother has got like this with me over the last few years. It's got to the point where I would happily never see him again, but we have elderly parents and it's hard to avoid him.

My advice is the same as a Pp. if he gets aggressive towards you, leave the room or the house. Don't see him unless it's completely necessary.

If you don't have much of a relationship with him for a while it will be his fault, not yours. Also, if you engage with him less he might eventually realise how it's felt for you and try to change?

I do try quite hard not to engage in debates with him as I know how it will turn out but he has some inflammatory views on certain things (Warwick uni boys for example...) and I find it very hard to keep quiet. I’m not going to change his view though so I suppose engaging does nothing but upset me further.

I think I’m particularly struggling with it as we are both in our 20s and have a pretty long life ahead of us and I don’t know if I can cope with the shit relationship we currently have for the rest of my life but I also don’t see him making any effort to improve it. I just can’t envisage how to navigate things like a relationship between our hypothetical children. My extended family is quite close and I think I’m mourning the idea that my children won’t have that