To not force DS to sleep at his dad's?

[HolaLola]

Split up with XDP almost five years ago when DS was three, due to ex's anger and controlling behaviour. Since then, DS has always slept at his dad's one weeknight and one weekend night.
For about the last 15 months, DS has become more and more distressed about sleeping at his dad's. I tried numerous coping strategies for him, but nothing seemed to really help. Eventually, I gave myself a shake and realised I was putting my son through a whole load of upset and stress because I was still so worried/scared about how my ex would react if I said he wasn't coming. We still do the weekday sleepover and a whole day at the weekend, but I said I want to pause the weekend sleepover to give DS a break from the stress of it and that we'll pick it up again when DS is ready.
It's been 4 weeks and it's like a weight has been lifted for DS. He's so much happier, it's such a relief to see. I feel ashamed of myself for letting it go on so long when I should have acted on what he was saying so much sooner. However, ex is now saying it's been long enough and he wants the weekend sleepovers to start again. I've said DS isn't ready yet and that going backwards and forwards this quickly is more disruptive than anything. AIBU to think that I need to continue to fight DS's corner here and put his needs above ex's?

Is there any reason why your DS doesn't want to sleep over at the weekend? Would your ex have a couple of drinks and become aggressive which he doesn't do during the week?

I think what I might try to do is to try a different approach, suggest to your DS that he could spend Fri night with his dad and they do an activity on Saturday morning and meet up with you for lunch or tea and then go home. So while you are not preventing your DS from being with his dad you are suggesting an alternative arrangement to come to a compromise. I don't think your ds should be forced into a situation he is clearly unhappy about.

Mumsy, thank you, sorry to hear your DS and you had to go through the same. I've had the same accusations of dictating and also of mollycoddling. I'm so glad the judge decided what was best for your DS. I hope it doesn't come to that for us, but it helps a lot to know that the child's voice is listened to.

Bella, I get why you would suggest that about the drinking but I don't think it's the case. My DS has said weekday overnights are easier because he's there for a shorter time and because he hasn't been with me all day. I don't think there's an actual reason that he can put his finger on as to why he doesn't want to go, other than he just doesn't like it. There's definitely a bit of separation anxiety from me in there, which is understandable as I've always been his main carer. Your Friday night suggestion is a great idea, but ex's work shifts wouldn't allow it.