18 and feel like I'll never find love

[opaltopaz]

I know this must sound ridiculous from the title and I guess it is, I'm wanting to be told I'm being ridiculously pathetic!

I'm almost 19, have 1 DS. Recently split from his dad. His dad often told me that if I wasn't with him, I wouldn't find anyone else and no one would want me because I'm selfish, lazy, a bitch etc.

I just worry that I will actually never meet someone. Whether that be because I'm too difficult, because people wouldn't want the baggage of a young mum with a pain in the ass ex and mainly because I just never have the time to meet anyone. I never go out, never really have free time, don't have many friends. I go to work and come home and be a mum and then repeat.

I am being pathetic aren't I? This is just a stupid worry and I need to grow up?

I'm a long time poster but have name changed so this isn't linked to my other posts as I never include my age!

You’re not pathetic. Your ex was absuive and he’s messed with your self esteem.

Concentrate on your wonderful son and you will meet someone naturally when you feel ready. Have you thought about speaking to your GP about counselling if you are feeling low

Yes you are being silly. By the time you are in your late 20's (the earliest I would ever consider it okay to panic about not finding someone) then your DS will be a bit less demanding and you may find time for yourself.
Concentrate on you and your DS for now.

Thank you both.

Of course you'll find love :) But what's the rush!

And I know it sounds corny, but you have to love yourself first! Work on yourself - read books, look into mindfulness, maybe take up a hobby like Yoga or an easy sport like badminton.

Yes you're a mum but you're also a woman! AND the beauty of having your child so young means they'll be grown up enough to look after themselves by the time you reeeeally know who you are and want to settle down - and you'll have a whole life of falling in love and going on adventures without having to look after a child 24/7.

Just don't rush it. Enjoy being you for now, and it'll come naturally when the time's right :)

Hey, when you drag yourself to the supermarket with a stinking cold, a spot on your chin and three day old unwashed hair, you will bump into the one.
Plenty of time for you to grow as a person and improve your self confidence and boy, won't that piss off your ex!

You are so young, enjoy being a mum and enjoy your baby. You will probably meet someone lovely, you need to find a decent man not one like your babies father who is horrible to you.

What is it with all these young men being so abusive to their partners at the moment?

Don't look for Mr Cool, or a Flash Harry, showing my age there look for a nice friendly honest man, who likes children, but in the meantime do things for yourself and DS. Don't spend your life waiting to find a man. Enjoy your baby, maybe find a job when he is at nursery/school or do some further education. Try to build a good life for you and DS.

Totally agree with the people telling you to concentrate on yourself and building your self esteem because it is really likely you will jump right back into another bad relationship with the first man who gives you attention if you don’t. Try to make some new friends, develop some new interests, pour your love into being a great Mum. When you feel good about yourself and your worth as a woman and a person, rather than as a girlfriend, then start dating again. You have SO much time ahead of you and you want to get it right next time. Don’t think so much about whether you are good enough for them, next time you need to think whether they are good enough for you!

Oh op...you are so young and have so much to look forward to. Enjoy this time with just your dc and believe me before you know it you meet someone, it might be today, next month, next year, two years time. Theres no hurry. The other posted is right you bump into him when you looking you worse but he see beyond that at the strong young lady you are making a home for you and your dc. Xx

Also agree with others...this id your time! Do things youve always wanted to do...be it ice. Sking, write a novel, do a pottery course and do a job you want too.

Totally agree with PP, some great words of wisdom there! you have so much ahead of you, no need to rush.

I had my first dc at 34 (which is pretty young where I live) but just think when you are 34 (still looking wrinkle free & fabulous!) your DS will be 15/16!!

Enjoy this time with your ds, don’t be so hard on yourself. The daily grind of motherhood can be relentless for all! Once he starts school you will meet a whole new set of people including other single mums, dads .. how you are feeling now won’t be forever, your ex is still raw, stay strong & don’t worry, good things happen when you least expect it!

Work on yourself and like a pp said make sure the next guy is good enough for you!

You may find love, you may not. But not having found it by 18 is nothing to worry about, very, very few people find it that early although sometimes we think we have (shudders when remembers awful first boyfriend).

Congratulations for getting free of your ex though. Sounds like the single biggest step you could have taken for a happy life.

Bloody hell, you've got years and years and years of life to enjoy yet.
I had several boyfriends, a couple of longer term partners and finally met my husband in my late thirties and had a child in my forties.
I'm definitely not the same person in my fifties now that I was in my early twenties and it's perfectly normal to be a bit selfish in your teens as you're only just entering adulthood.

Please don't wish your life away on a stupid man. Your ex is being childish and a complete idiot so just ignore anything he has to say. He clearly knows bugger all about relationships. When I think back to boyfriends I had in my twenties, I shudder at the thought. They weren't worthy of me at all.

Thing is, I don't recommend being in a hurry to settle down with someone but as your baby grows and starts attending pre-school etc., you'll gradually gain more time for yourself and you will be able to start thinking about your own life and what you'd like to do with it.

I was in exactly your position, a year or two older but felt the same. Looking back I lacked confidence and experience. Once I got back into work when dd was 2 I found myself making new friends and enjoying life more and actually wasn't that bothered about being with anyone. It's so hard when the dc are small but it does get easier.

20 years later I am happily married and didn't actually meet "the one" until I was 32.