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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell DH what this conversation was about?

47 replies

ASnowballsChance · 09/02/2019 13:54

So, I was on the phone to my DM and we were talking about dreams and their possible meanings. DH walked into the room to ask me a question and overhead me saying the words 'upset, anxious and frustrated'. After I got off the phone DH asked me if my DM was alright and I said yes, fine. He then kept on asking what we were talking about due to the words he had heard me say. When I told him it was a private conversation and if there was anything wrong or anything he needed to know I would tell him he accused me of deliberately leaving him wondering what I was talking about when I could have just told him. AIBU to not tell him the whole conversation/context of the words?

OP posts:
moanymoaner · 09/02/2019 13:56

Can you not pacify him by saying "it was just about dreams and meanings and just random" if you don't want to tell him everything?

hidinginthenightgarden · 09/02/2019 13:56

I don't see why you wouldn't just say it was about dreams.
You didn't need to give details but he probably thought from your reaction and what he overheard that you felt that way about him.

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 09/02/2019 13:57

Why don’t you want him to know?

GottenGottenGotten · 09/02/2019 13:57

Why don't you want to tell him?

Unless there's a good reason, I don't know why you wouldn't just set his mind at rest by saying it was just a conversation about dreams.

SandAndSea · 09/02/2019 13:58

Why not just answer briefly that you were talking about a dream? Maybe there's a back story here but otherwise, I wouldn't create an upset where there's no need for one.

InterchangeableEmma · 09/02/2019 13:58

Hmmwhy would you not just communicate normally and openly with him? No need for a recap of the whole conversation but also no need to be all mysterious either.

Nothappy16 · 09/02/2019 13:59

Why wouldn’t you tell him? It sounds like he is concerned

Alienspaceship · 09/02/2019 13:59

Blimey, you are hard work. Those words could be a concern, he’s probably worried you were feeling those things and not talking to him. Just put his mind at peace, this isn’t a major invasion of your privacy.

WarpedGalaxy · 09/02/2019 14:01

‘No nothing up, we were just talking about dreams’ is all you needed to say, that’s not giving the whole conversation and enough context that he would probably have left it there. If I overheard my DH say those words I’d be concerned too. You getting all highhorsey about ‘private conversation’ given those words makes it sound like there’s something to hide.

BoglingToAswad · 09/02/2019 14:01

He is clearly worried, why wouldn't you just tell him?

DroningOn · 09/02/2019 14:02

This sounds like listening to my kids bickering and one of them being deliberately difficult to get a rise out 9f the other.

Think you're being childish and petty OP. You could easily explain without giving away any details. To be honest, the "upset, anxious and frustrated" part is quite evocative and potentially worrying, in a similar situation I'd be looking for more info.

SuperHeroGirl · 09/02/2019 14:03

Oh don't be so childish! Just tell him! Confused

ChandelierSail · 09/02/2019 14:03

I can't stand people like you. I think you just like to create an air of mystery around you.

Why didn't you just say it was a dream? Why let him worry?

MyNewBearTotoro · 09/02/2019 14:05

Yes, you are being unreasonable and deliberately difficult. Why would you want to make the man you love worried and think you’re hiding something from him when you could just be honest and say it was a conversation about dreams.

Mishappening · 09/02/2019 14:05

Well he is obviously concerned in case it is you who is "'upset, anxious and frustrated" and wants to make sure you are OK. Why would you mind that? You would feel the same if it were the other way round.

He took the trouble to ask if your mother was OK - that sounds like an act of kindness to me.

I am feeling sorry for this poor guy, I really am.

Original poster
ASnowballsChance · 09/02/2019 14:06

Reading it back it does seem really petty Confused I'm just snippy because he was waking me up through the night with his cold. I'll go put his mind at ease.

OP posts:
Nothappy16 · 09/02/2019 14:07

He’s ill as well and you’re irrationally annoyed at him but I do get that lack of sleep can affect people.

BejamNostalgia · 09/02/2019 14:08

That’s just childish game playing OP.

Gina2012 · 09/02/2019 14:09

You're a joy aren't you, OP? ConfusedHmmShock

MRex · 09/02/2019 14:09

Are you usually so rude to your DH? Do you have any particular reason to be so nasty to him? He's supposed to be your partner in life, you'll lose him if you keep up this nasty attitude.

JustHereForThePooStories · 09/02/2019 14:12

Just tell him. No need to be such an attention seeker.

Original poster
ASnowballsChance · 09/02/2019 14:13

I just told him it was about dreams and possible meanings and apologised for being difficult. I'm very sleep deprived but that's no excuse. (Youngest DC had me up and down all night due to a cold too).

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 09/02/2019 14:14

Your marriage, your choice but since you asked ....YABVU , I feel sorry for your DH and don't hold out much hope for a long and happy marriage

SandAndSea · 09/02/2019 14:14

Well done for owning it, OP!

Original poster
ASnowballsChance · 09/02/2019 14:17

We have been happily married for 14 years and still going strong. Thank you all for grounding me, can't believe I even asked now!

OP posts:
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