AIBU being annoyed that someone else is feeding my cat!

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We’ve had our cat since he was a kitten and he is now 5yrs. Last year we found him in the garden close to deaths door. Long story short it turns out he has cardiomyopathy and now relies on daily medication. Over the last few months we’ve seeen him entering a neighbours house and he’s coming home less and less. We’ve tried asking her not to let him in and each time she’s says she isn’t. But we know she is because I often see him sat in her upstairs window and he’s put on quite a bit of weight.

My issue is he isn’t coming home now for his medication and we’ve spent quite a lot of money on the tablets for him. My partner thinks we should just stop letting him in. But I’m angry and I don’t see why I should have to lose my cat to someone else! Also I know she won’t give him the tablets and I wouldn’t want to be the reason he hard another close episode.

Get him home and keep him in. If you can, build him an outdoor run so he can still go outside but not go to her house.

I had to do this as my cat was helping himself to neighbour's cat food although I think she stopped when I mentioned he wasn't eating at home, then he started vanishing and had been taken in by someone else. In the end it was easier to buy some aviary panels and make him a big enclosure. He also developed cardiomyopathy and putting the meds in food was the best way to get them into him.

Once a cat knows he will be fed he will go back to that house so you need to keep him with you.

Yeah we’ve tried to keep him in but he just gets very stressed. He begins to lose fur and gets very aggressive. I don’t like him getting too stressed in case that sets him off with his heart and stuff.

Send her a copy of the bill from his tests and treatment from his first episode, together with a photo of him sitting in her bedroom window and a note saying 'this is how much he costs to keep alive and he won't be covered by any pet insurance because it's a preexisting condition'.

Once she sees she wouldn't be getting herself a free cat, she might be more likely to not encourage him.

My mother did that to a neighbour because she liked their ginger tom - it backfired upon her when he needed emergency treatment and they (entirely justifiably) told her 'Oh, I thought you'd decided he was YOUR CAT NOW'.

(Having said that, I think we have a cat in the vicinity that fancies moving in. The furry git sitting tenants aren't having any of it, but he keeps on visiting. If anything happens to them, I give it a week before this one is having to be physically encouraged to go home; sometimes it's the cat's idea, not the human's.)

I might do that! He’s a ginger Tom too. I wonder if that’s a running theme with ginger cats . I know he’s mainly to blame because he thinks with his stomach.

Just as I’ve blooming sent this he’s blooming come back in and fallen asleep on the sofa. Little git!

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🤔 My 10 month old kitten is currently very distressed as we have to keep him in our home! We are very concerned about him but unfortunately our door has a dog flap (already there when we moved in) and a large cat who lives several doors down from us (and whose owners) ‘don’t want us to feed him’ 😡 won’t stop coming into our home whenever he pleases and scoffing all our kittens food!!!!

When we try to kick out the big bully he tries to scratch us!! He’s drawn bloody from my DP on numberous occasions!

His owners seem far less concerned about controlling their own animal, than they do about ‘us feeding him’ - (like we have any bloody choice)

I would suggest that if your cat has issues and can’t be left to roam freely that YOU need to keep him in! If you don’t want to do that then accept that it’s not anyone else’s job to be constantly vigilant in keeping your cat out of their home!

I think you need to be more forceful with your neighbour. Have you told her about his ill health and medication in some detail? Or have you been a bit wishy-washy and just said "please don't feed my cat"?

Either way, if she won't listen to your requests whilst you're talking to her face to face, then perhaps a letter to her explaining how unwell he is but that you are managing his ill health with a specific diet (from you) and expensive medication from the vet - without which he won't survive - but he will be well and happy with your specific care.

Perhaps also tell her that if she continues to feed him then she can pay the medication costs and the vet bills. That might finally make her see the light!

(He’s a ginger Tom too ... just FYI)

It's a difficult one.

Should the person be feeding your cat when they KNOW it is someone else's pet? Absolutely not! So I do sympathise there.

HOWEVER - there's this culture in the UK that we allow our cats to just roam the streets. Who invented that? In the eyes of the law the cat is your property (assuming it is microchipped) and to allow your pet to wander the streets unsupervised is somewhat negligent. If someone did that with any other pet we'd all be shocked right?

I know you say he get's stressed when you keep him in - but when you choose to allow a cat to roam outside, you in some way are accepting that the cat may go to other people's houses, be annoying to neighbours (imagine if you allowed your dog to shit in someone else's garden!) or be in danger in some way (roads?).

That's probably not super helpful and I'm sorry I'm not having a go and I really hope your cat is okay and you find a solution...do some more research online and maybe make some sacrifices in order to keep him secure and happy - someone suggested building pens etc.

When we get an animal it is our duty to ensure they are cared for throughout their life. You need to find a way to keep him from roaming the streets that works for all of you...

Yeah we’ve been down and told her about his condition. She purposely goes and buys cat food for him and she has no other pets. Sometimes I wonder if she likes his company and I’ve even offered her the biscuits we feed him so at least he’d come back home for meat. Each time she just says “no it’s not a bother I won’t buy any more food” but then does!

I’m half tempted to just give her the medication so At least she might be able To get them down him. But at the same time I miss him!

Feel like I’m the bad guy keeping them apart when they clearly enjoy each other’s company. She’s home throughout the day and I’m pretty sure she pampers him. I’m tempted to talk to her and fill her in with everything and see if she’d like to keep him but then I also don’t want to make her feel like she has to

It might be a stretch, but how would she react if you happened to hear of a kitten/cat needing a loving home and thought instantly of her?

But yes, Ginger Toms are tarts. They know they're magnificent and thrive upon multiple sources of adoration.

Regarding the poster who asked who thought up the idea of cats being free - that's how cats have always been. Dogs aren't anymore because they can be a danger to others, but roaming is the inherent nature of a cat.

Keeping cats indoors is the invention/deviation from the norm, not the default position in history - apart from essentially minor cosmetic differences, domestic cats are genetically the same as the ones that ancient farmers found were actually quite useful in killing off the rodents that infested their grain stores, rather than dogs, who have been changed so dramatically that there are breeds that are genetically entirely incompatible with one another.