Please help me get my baby to sleep

[rosetintedspectacles]

He’s almost 4 months, sleep has always been hit and miss but since 6 weeks it’s been consistently shocking.

It’s 3am right now, he’s been awake since 10pm. Drifts off feeding (ebf, won’t take a bottle), wakes himself up thrashing his arms around or wakes when I try to put him down. I’ve run out of ideas tonight and am at my wits end, so put him in his cot and tried to
Persevere with settling him in there as feeding and cuddling wasn’t even working so cosleeping isn’t even an option any more. 4 hours of whinging and crying later and I’m losing my mind. Nothing works!

Over the last few months I’ve tried white noise, dummies, shushing, patting, cuddling, feeding to sleep, rocking, bouncing, holding his hands, comforters, swaddling, tried feeding him off to sleep and waiting until he’s in a really deep sleep before transferring and also tried encouraging him to settle in his bed himself. He’s like a coiled spring, constantly fighting himself awake and fending off my attempts to keep his arms still and stop him waking himself up.

Bedtime can take hours, middle of the night wake ups (which are every 3 hours at very best, usually every 2 if not hourly at the moment) tended to be quick but lately they’re getting worse and he’s harder and harder to get back to sleep. He naps well and often in the day, doesn’t get too much sleep or sleep too late in the day or anything. I’d say he’s in a better routine than I ever managed with my eldest.

I’m just at my wits end, and can’t take it any more. Have given in now and fed him to sleep, but don’t know whether I’ve got it in me to put him in his bed or just lay him down next to me and pray he sleeps for a while. I’ve not been to sleep yet tonight.

Desperate for any advice. Thank you in advance.

Have you tried white noise? That sometimes works.

Also my daughter was like this and it was silent reflux. She's a much better sleeper now it's been treated!

Sorry just seen you tried white noise!

Same situation with 7 month old, I have a sleep consultant starting on Monday to help!

Sorry to hear you are going through this at the moment. They could be going through the dreaded 4 month sleep regression which coincides with a major developmental leap. One tip another mum gave me when my little one wouldn't sleep at all in the day was to put him in his pram suit. This helped by making him feel snuggly and secure but probably the major help was it kept his arms and hands relatively restricted as he was doing a similar thing and waking himself up thrashing his arms with a strong reflex to grab at things. It really helped! We don't do this at night but it might be worth a try.Just make sure that you aren't overheating them with any extra blankets etc (depending on the temperature of your house). Also, finally getting him to sleep during the day had a positive effect on the amount of sleep he had at night. Good luck and keep telling yourself it will eventually get better!

What is it about co sleeping that isn't working op? My ds is exactly as you've posted, absolutely terrible sleeper, but luckily cosleeping seems to work quite well for him.

Have you tried winding him? He could have gas.

God, it's hellish, isn't it? My ds2 was the same. He's 6 now, so a distant memory but I can still remember how I thought I was losing my mind.

Do you like and want to breastfeed?
Do you want to co sleep?

I think part of my problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I did what I thought I was supposed to do (which was breastfeed and cosleep). At 8 months I cracked and gave in. No more bf. I won't lie, it didn't solve the sleep thing instantly, but it did mean that I could hand over some of the feeds to dh and get longer chunks of sleep myself. I also let my mum have him so I could get the occiasonal full nights sleep.

Also, someone told me that sleeps begets sleep: the more they sleep, the better it gets, so I never woke him in the day if he napped (getting him to nap was a trial in itself!) and encouraged all naps. They were right.

I also resigned myself to it. And slept whenever I could, having never listened to the whole 'sleep when baby sleeps' it got to the the point where I had to. At least that way I didn't feel like I was dying.

hope you get some sleep soon.

@Seline yes we have white noise blasting all night, it helps a bit but not much sadly.

@DivGirl2 It has worked up until recently, he’d always sleep well in with me and I used it as a last resort for ages when I couldn’t get him to settle in his bed. But it’s stopped keeping him asleep now, last night I fed him to sleep laid down with me in my bed but he woke himself up over and over flailing his arms around. I also desperately don’t want to cosleep because I don’t sleep well, and I don’t want him getting into the habit as it’s hard to break down the line.

@TwoGinScentedTeas Thanks for your message I definitely do want to continue breastfeeding, and frankly don’t know if I have a choice given how firmly he refuses a bottle! But I hate cosleeping, hate the tie and the lack of space and the habit forming and how poor the sleep is.

How long did it take for your little boy’s sleep to improve? My daughter was very similar and her sleep improved at 9 months after I did some sleep training, but with a non-napping toddler to run around after now too I can’t sleep in the day so can’t wait another 5 months for sleep to get better!!

Deffo agree with sleep begetting sleep, but he’s already in a really decent daytime nap routine so I don’t know what more I could do in that respect. I think I might just have to pray that it’s trhe 4 month regression and that it’ll pass soon!!

Ah, it sounds like you're doing everything possible-which makes the situation feel even worse in some ways.

Hopefully it is just the dreaded 4 month regression and it'll improve of it's own accord.

You're not alone, if that helps? You don't want to know when my ds2's sleep got better-it won't comfort you at all. But the fact that it did get better is the thing to hang onto!

I had a friend that refused to co sleep. She got up and went into the baby's room every time he woke. No lights, no fuss, just a feed and back to bed. She seemed the happiest of all of us with young babies! But I have a feeling that if I'd have done that we'd have just had everyone in the house awake for hours on end through the crying! He also didn't have his own room till much older.

Having a toddler totally means you cant sleep when baby sleeps-sorry, that's the least useful advice ever in your circumstances!

Hang in there.

Is the issue that you can't get him to sleep, that he doesn't stay asleep more than a few minutes, or that he wakes every half hour/ hour? The reason I ask is that i think each of these has a different cause.

Not getting to sleep is an environment issue; he isn't comfortable. Could be reflux / teething / too hot / too cold / hungry / it's noisy.

Staying asleep just a few minutes is usually wind or hunger for my boy. He might fall asleep without having enough milk, so he needs to wake up and have more. I usually jostle and rock him to keep him feeding longer. He's quite windy, so he likes vigorous back rubs (and usually falls asleep during them).

Half hourly / hourly waking at 4 months - if he's EBF then he'll be upping your supply through the night for a couple of days. It sounds like it's gone on longer than that. Mine only did this during exciting development cycles, so I don't have much useful advice except keeping a really good day nap schedule and try to always put him back to sleep as quickly as possible so he doesn't get overtired.

Sorry you're having a crap time of it right now.