To make this clear from the start I am step DAD. I am prepared to get flamed here too.
DSD 7 and I do a lot together as DP often has the much younger children and doesn't drive, so we go a lot of places together and daytrips. She has a big phobia of new toilets, not without reason too.
She has a habit of locking herself in cubicles, which has happened 2 times when she has gone alone. She is not very strong, nor practically minded and a little immature. Both times where she got trapped and panicked it was because she was pulling and trying to move the slider lock, rather than just moving left to right.
Rescues involved one climbing over the stalls experience in the ladies (she had been gone a while with me outside, the women were understanding and heard her screaming) and Starbucks having to use their unlocker thing.
Not locking the door is not an option as she is very private and has to have it closed, or have me physically guard the door after a minutes reassurance.
She is getting better but if she has never been in them before she will want someone with her. Now I will gravitate to the changing room toilets or disabled if practical, but if these aren't options as they often aren't we are left with a pickle.
I then take her in the blokes with me if she is insisting, which I have never had any issue with. No one has ever given me a look, and apart from having to ensure a clean toilet it's never been an issue at any time that I have noticed.
However when I did this when out with friends on a daytrips they were shocked and thought I was going to warp her mind and harm her for life with penises being seen, and that I should go in the ladies with her instead. This view was repeated by quite a wide range of people when I voiced this is what I did on an article about a school moving to mixed gender toilets, and how these help people like me.
I don't think I have harmed her, and she only seems concerned about getting locked in. Indeed I don't know which toilets these people go in that seem to have penises waved about willy nilly, I can't think of a time other than with people blotto that any bloke has ever done anything other than get out of a toilet as fast as possible! I don't bother about covering her eyes or anything because there is never really anything to see IMO.
The arguement that technically nothing private happens outside a cubicle in a women's was not a bad one, but I have always felt the adult should be in the correct gender location at all times as a rule of thumb.
So am I damaging DSD? Would you do what I do currently? (We had conquered it until the most recent lock in over the autumn half term, getting there again)