To wish I had someone to talk to

[NewNameForHelpPlease]

I’ve had a really bad night tonight. Much of it is my own fault. However, I’m really struggling not to get angry about the bits that weren’t my fault. I just want to unload. But it’s late, I’m single and live alone... and I feel embarrassed. In so many ways I’m proud of myself because I didn’t let my anger get the better of me tonight, but the other part of me wishes anger wasn’t such an issue anyway. Why should I be proud of myself for not hitting someone or smashing a window? Shouldn’t that be the standard?

I’ve suffered with depression in the past and have spoken to the Samaritans on a few occasions. It has helped, but I can’t help feeling guilty. I feel like whoever I speak to should be talking to someone who’s a higher priority.

I would ring now, but I’ve calmed down a bit and would feel like I’m distracting a volunteer from an emergency. But I honestly don’t know who to talk to about this otherwise. I have good friends, but they’re busy with their own lives, families and partners. I’m single by choice, but sometimes I feel like I have another 40 to 50 years of being on the sidelines.

I don’t know what to do.

What bits were not your fault?

I had an argument with someone and, although I was at fault, he made it ten times worse. It made me angry because it didn’t need to get that far. But I want to be the better person; to move on regardless of whether it’s my fault or not. I just don’t know how.

It’s ok to feel angry you know. I
think most people do. How are things in your life generally?

In general, good. I have a good job, my own home... I don’t exactly have a charmed life, but who does? I just feel a bit on the edge of life sometimes.

Call samaritans. That's exactly why they are there. They help people when there is an emotional crisis. If talking to them helps, please call. Your call is just as important as anyone else's. They want to help so that things don't escalate.

We are also here if you want to chat. 💐

Have you got things you look forward to? Have you learnt how to be kind to yourself?

@NewNameForHelpPlease you have been the better person for walking away. You can't take responsibility for other people's actions but you can be proud of your own.
Never feel guilty for feeling anger. It's an emotion. Just like you'd never feel guilty for feeling love. I think it sounds like you need to start being kinder to yourself.
If you feel you need the Samaritans then call them. That is exactly what they're there for xx

I just struggle because sometimes I feel like I know I’m right, but should pull back for a peaceful life.

Hi

You said yourself that you are proud you didn't let your anger get the better of yourself & you know it could be a problem if you were not self aware - but you are. That's a great positive.

Also you show consideration with the Samaritans (to which no one could burden - as the are there too support!).

You may be being a bit hard on yourself?

Babyno5 is spot on. You’re ok. Just be kind to yourself, don’t let the bastards get you down.

Thanks everyone. I think sometimes I just struggle with when to say ‘You know what? It doesn’t matter’.

For context, part of me is worried about becoming like my dad. He is type of person who HAS to be right; who can’t let things go by. Let’s say he’s trying to cross the road and a driver ignores a zebra crossing. He’d probably keep on walking and risk getting run over because it was his right of way. It annoys the hell out of me, but I can see it in my own personality too

I genuinely appreciate all your kind words.

You are not your dad. You are you. The fact you are self aware means you will never be him. I think you need a cause to fight for
What’s dear to your heart?

Please call Samaritans .....its late and you are probably tired and over thinking things.