AIBU to be so f*cking afraid to talk to people offline - especially military - about dhs mental health?

[Flyingfish2019]

Dh is ex mil and currently I am wondering if I should talk to them about his mental health. Actually he has ptsd and is coping fine but I am worried about some things (for example his eating and drinking habits). I have been thinking about calling them for quite a while but I cannot bring myself to do it because I am am too ashamed.

@Idonthaveclue123 Thank you soooo much!!! My dh is the same. He often doesn’t eat a proper meal unless you place it right in front of him and otherwise he just eats chocolates and so on. That’s one of the things I would like to discuss with them but am ashamed too. Did you tell them about it? Have they been judgemental?

Sorry, I understand that you are worried but I think talking to your DH's employers would be totally unreasonable and a real breach of trust.

I don't think other people have a right to discuss an individual's state of health (especially with their employers) unless they have genuine reason to believe that the person is a real risk to themselves or others and/or is incapable of managing their own needs. Your husband doesn't sound anywhere close to this category.

I have significant mental health problems and work full time in teaching. I'd probably be asked to leave if the school was fully aware. I'd find it very hard to forgive anyone who informed them. I'm not well but I manage life and it's nobody else's business how I do that.

Anyone I have talked to have never came across judgemental or dismissed my concerns. I have always found them very helpful and understanding. Yes I told them about the drinking and eating and they reassured me that these can be symptoms of PTSD (obviously not in every case). Also telling them about everything you’ve said here could also be beneficial to the treatment of your dh because if he’s not telling his doctor or therapist about the drinking and not eating how can they treat him accordingly. Honestly from my experience no one in a charity helping ex service men or women and families will be judgemental towards you.

The comfort eating is indicative of depression and/ or generalised anxiety, both of which are commonly found alongside PTSD.
He needs more help. I think you need support for yourself, too. Please don't be ashamed. Mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of.

#flyingfish2019 don’t worry about it, he died 16 years ago I don’t mind talking about him

You’ve posted about him a lot and have been given lots of advice and numbers.

@needsahouseboy Actually I am not asking for phone number. I have one, this is more like asking for a handheld because I am ashamed to phone them.

Are you ashamed of him or of your judgement and reactions to his trauma. Because I'm not sure it's just him that needs help tbh. I agree with a previous poster, he's a military veteran with ptsd and you're ashamed of him? That's low.

I am ashamed of our reactions as a couple. That we are not coping well.
I also fear that they might tell me that I should not phone there about him not eating healthful while other people have problems far worse.

And thanks a lot for calling me low.

His therapist won’t tell you anything.

Best place to start is SSAFA, Help For Heroes, Combat Stress, British Legion or Big White Wall.