To feel lost and exhausted.

[Summeriscomin]

I have always enabled OH to push his career and get promotion after promotion. I cared for our son as a single mum finished uni myself whilst he moved away for 10 months to get promoted.

I moved abroad for him and his job.

Now I’ve returned to work and he continues to go away on a weekly basis. Sometimes just for one night other times for a week sometimes two weeks.

Meanwhile I look after kids and house and work full time leave the house at 7:30am. Nothing can be done about my working hours but my boss has reluctantly agreed to let me do 4 full days instead of my current 5.

This hasn’t happened yet and so I’m struggling on. This week OH was away for 3 days. This consisted of working during the day (no doubt high pressure) then a meal and boat trip on the river Thames, free bar etc. Living the life basically. Getting a break. Relaxing.

He comes home and I’m exhausted and grumpy as fuck. I’m so angry and resentful. Last night my two year old was up for 2 hours and I’m in work with zero energy downing coffee trying to make it through the day.

He comes home and wonders why I’m grumpy and exhausted. I’m in bed at 8pm On a Friday as I genuinely feel so so tired.

Life shouldn’t be this hard surely. I feel a horrible mum, wife, employee. Nothing is right.

I'm not surprised you're fed up you must be exhausted. Is there any way for DH to scale back his career? Can you agree in advance times when you will get a rest? e.g. make a new rule that if he's away for X nights when he returns he is in charge of nights for X nights.

He won’t scale back his career. He’s obsessed. He’s the big man in his job so enjoys the worshipping and ass sucking his colleagues do.

He would easily leave us for weeks on end and not have a single Care in the world. Pub every night, clubs every night, socialising.

Meanwhile I’m trying desperately to achieve some degree of job for myself yet am running myself into the ground.

Also that fact I bloody miss my kids so so much. I get hardly any time at all with them. And at the weekend I’m so drained and exhausted. I genuinely wonder if life is even worth it. I’m constantly and I mean constantly unhappy.

Presumably he earns mega money which could be diverted away from lifestyle choices into practical support for his family? Nanny, au pair, cleaner, PA for you?

Get some mental support Hun this isn't good for you

@Summeriscomin

I could have written this except my husband is a dairy farmer and so it's not a choice to scale back but impossible.

It's incredibly hard work and you're doing a great job. The feelings you have are something I can honestly say I also feel. I just pray it gets easier

💐

Thanks everyone.

I guess I feel so resentful that he gets to enjoy his career and all the benefits from it. Like fancy hotels breakfast served to him no cooking etc.

Also I was a sahm for two years whilst I looked after my now two year old. All was fine with him travelling but he crossed so many lines in terms of respect. He used to go out and stay out all night. Lies about his where abouts.

Finally I had enough and felt too vulnerable to continue so got a job. Now I’m just too exhausted to continue.

He doesn’t earn mega money but does earn about 3x my income.

You need to have The Talk. Things have to change, he has to fund some support for you.

Sounds like he has very little interest in being a husband or father. So why are you so worried about being a poor wife or mum? You're doing 100 times better than him.

You need to have some serious thinking about your future. You could (and should) have a Nanny who would be a million times more useful on a day to day basis than him.

he probably wouldn't have his career if it wasn't for you holding the fort.
as for 'he enjoys worshipping and ass sucking (??) his colleagues do' he sounds like a bit of an arsehole if he can swan off and leave you and dc for weeks on end. why are you with him ? this doesn't sound like a loving, supportive marriage.

He comes home at 10pm and I’m ready to go to bed after being disturbed the night before with the two year old. He then moans I’m on my period and wants me to pleasure him. As I refuse he moans more and does it himself. Whilst I’m exhausted and trying to sleep. Pressures me and says I don’t miss him. I’m fucking sick of it.

He's not a family man then, is he.
He's basically a single man living the life of a single man, with a housekeeper who has a child (or more?)

Why stay with him? Sounds like, apart from money, he's not contributing anything meaningful to your life - and if you left, he'd still have to contribute money plus you'd have one less person to think about/clean up after.

If there is more to this, in terms of why you want to stay married to him, then ok - but he's showing you zero respect, just expecting you to carry on regardless while he gets to do exACTly what he likes.

I couldn't live with someone like that, in all honesty.

Hmm, xposted but that doesn't at all surprise me!

Fuck him off, get rid if you can and you'll probably find it easier to manage without him.

For now can your H afford for a cleaner, extended childcare help, room for an Au Pair??? He needs to take over responsibility for stuff - food shopping & menu planning, washing clothes at the weekend. He needs to pull his weight including the mental load - Birthday/Christmas cards & gifts his job and so on.

He needs to give his weekends to you and the DC, he gets fun time during the week you need a break at the weekend.

He wants a housekeeper who keeps her mouth shut and her legs open.

Vile.

X posted. It sounds dead and over.

It doesn't sound like you like him very much.

getting in au pairs, cleaners ? that just sticking plaster over a massive wound, it isn't going to work, if he loves work and all the adoration that goes with it he's not going to give that up. if he can't make time for his dc he's not going to do it for you.
sounds like he has an ow - work. i'd be out of that situation a.s.a.p.