Talk me down please

[Loststuffdrivesmecrazy]

I'm about to lose my shit at almost 11yo ds. He's out atm with his dad (who is also annoyed), he's due back shortly and I feel I'm going to erupt.

I thought we'd turned a corner with his constantly losing/breaking stuff. To date he's lost or been broken clothes, shoes, bags, a tablet, headphones, sports equipment, lunch boxes, you name it, endless times. Things you wouldn't even believe. I've tried everything from incentives to punishments to lists. He doesn't even seem to care.

Now I've discovered he's lost something else that he's only had for a month. Something I can ill afford to just replace.

All I get off him is that it's in the house somewhere, I'm pretty sure it's not. Either way he really should know where it is.

I had a quick look through his bag and in his room myself have discovered the 5 drinks bottles that he was so sure he didn't have.

I'm feeling like saying he's not having his PlayStation until the item is found, also that if it's not found he'll ha e to pay it back out of his own money, he won't care, he'll spend the weekend sulking about the PlayStation, he still won't look for the thing and he won't care about the money.

He's expecting a mobile phone when he goes to secondary school and quite frankly I'm terrified of handing him one knowing it will be lost or broken within a month.

Clearly this tactic has never worked before so maybe time to change it? If he doesn't know the value of things because you just keep replacing them how will he learn?

Don't replace it. Make him do chores and earn the money back to replace it. Take it out of his gift money. Whatever. But he pays for it.

I've had no choice to replace certain things. For example a swimming kit, PE kit, sports trainers for school and so on.

Well that's what I do. Sanction him.

I wouldn't erupt on him though, calm sanctions have a much better effect.. well they do with mine.

Straight to bed when he gets home, take away the PlayStation and tell him there's a proper chat tomorrow.

Id also gut his bedroom tomorrow and make him help.

He's expecting a mobile phone when he goes to secondary school and quite frankly I'm terrified of handing him one knowing it will be lost or broken within a month

Perfect. Each time he loses something it pushes back the mobile for 6 months. He'll have to earn one.

Old crappy Nokia phone for school. Nothing more until he can be trusted. That's assuming he'll be making his own way to and from school and will need to be able to contact you in an emergency. Otherwise he doesn't get one at all until he can prove he'll look after it.

Thanks.

Sorry I'm just so down about this. I was already feeling absolutely shit today for different reasons.

My husband is totally careless too in a bit of a different way and they are all driving me crazy.

I don't ask for a lot just everyone to generally pick up after themselves and look after they're things.

Their*

I used to be like this and my mother would be furious at me.

Turns out I am dyspraxic.

Firstly you need to be sure this isn’t related to dyspraxia or adhd or something. Then develop a calm plan of action.

Just a thought, and I may be completely wrong...
We went through similar with no2 son when he was 12. Things like a brand new coat "lost" the first time he wore it to school, his Nintendo DS vanished etc. etc.
It turns out he was being bullied, seriously, and his stuff was being destroyed or stolen or he was handing it over to try and appease the bullies.
We ended up taking him out of school in the end, it got so bad and the school were useless. He had tried not to tell me exactly what was going on, and I was cross with his "carelessness" and punished him.
Might be worth having a bit of a dig just in case there's more to it than just childish carelessness...