A hobby one

[notanother1two]

Looking for some perspective.

Partner plays golf. Generally works 6am-4pm, and often goes straight to the driving range for an hour after work. Perhaps 3-4 times a week. Plays golf at the weekend, usually just 1 day of the two, but more recently has been playing both days. Gone for 5-6hrs each time he plays.

We have 2 children, one is a baby. Baby has never slept through, and I am beyond exhausted. I am currently on Mat leave do everything around the house. DH might cook dinner every so often (less than once a week) but does no other house work.

I have mentioned a couple of times lately that I feel he plays too much golf. I get a very defensive response that life shouldn't stop when you have kids, he is enjoying himself and it's his down time, he absolutely doesn't feel that he plays too much. I think family should come first and hobby needs to take a back seat. I feel resentful that he has so much time to himself and would rather play golf than spend quality family time together. I don't seem to be able to broach the subject without it turning into an argument.

My question is, AIBU to think he plays too much? How much is too much?
Do your partners have a hobby?

Both days at the weekend is just bloody selfish. I have a hobby that I do after work 3/4 times per week and when I can spare an hour on either Saturday or Sunday (often early in the morning) but I wouldn’t dream of doing it for 5-6 hours on either weekend day! I have a family!

He’s being a selfish shit. In the interest of fairness I’d leave him with the kids one weekend day. He seems to think because he earns the money he can do what he likes. And that the kids are an added extra to make him look like a family man. You need a serious discussion.

He's being very unreasonable and extremely selfish. Can you think of anywhere to shove his golf clubs?

That’s an unreasonable time for a hobby in my opinion when you have small children, especially if you don’t get equal time off.

He should be helping at home too.

My DH has a hobby and usually goes about 1 weekend day a month. He also does almost all the cooking.

life shouldn't stop when you have kids,

Exactly. But your life HAS stopped since having kids. You are exhausted. You need help raising HIS children. He needs to cut back to make dinner. You aren't saying quit golf, but he needs to step up (and say exactly what that means- ie: dinner 3x a week, laundry and hoovering the lounge weekly).

So when does he actually help out around the house? Give YOU a break? I assume that you don't get to jaunt off both weekend days and do as you please?

Selfish arse is what he is

P.s I run. I take my running stuff to work and get changed before I leave, stopping on the way home to run in varying locations. I’m always home by 5.30 at the latest. At the weekend I run locally either early in the morning or when everyone is just chilling at home and no one will miss me for an hour.

Your dh is prioritising golf and himself above all of you and it’s not on. Fair enough an afternoon playing golf when there’s nothing much going on...but just buggering off and leaving your partner to do all the kiddy care and entertaining for long stretches at the weekend is shit. I’d be offended, angry and hurt by his selfishness and rejection. Yanbu.