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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if I buy a flat my boyfriend could live in it, then my children could when they go to university and then I could retire ? Or totally naive . First time buyer and clueless

76 replies

Lookingforahome2019 · 08/02/2019 13:21

Please help.

NC for a this as about to give full personal details!

I've never bought a property and I'm 39 with 2 DC, 8 and 5. Left abusive exh 3 years ago. I earn 50k PAYE and and extra 12k pa self employed.

I rent a house in the south east which costs 975 pcm. Obvs I am worried this is unsustainable going into retirement.

I'm looking at buying a 2 bed flat in a new build in the city local to me which has a university in it.

My boyfriend is lovely - been together a year - very good with money v reliable and earns a lot less than me and is struggling to move out of his parents.

The flat I am looking at is this one:

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-69936622.html

I don't have lots of savings and I don't know where to start - would a BTL mortgage be difficult? Should I get boyfriend who earns 28k pa to get a mortgage with me for it and rent him out my share, at a non market rate obvs? Can I get legally binding contracts which say I want my kids to have it for uni years if we break up?

Is this a ridiculous idea?! Just desperate to have some security of where I could live in my old age. Thanks for any thoughts in advance Smile

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 08/02/2019 15:06

You won’t get a BTL as a first time buyer or on a shared ownership property

Movinghouseatlast · 08/02/2019 15:07

How much deposit do you have?

If not enough for a deposit on somewhere for you to live, start saving.

Cut everything out, severely limit your outgoings (look on money saving expert for tips) and you can save a lot in a year on your salary.

I saved £25k in 2 years on half your salary. I suppose you have to pay for childcare though?

CantStopMeNow · 08/02/2019 15:21

He can't afford to move out on his own with a salary of £28k?!
I call bullshit.
I managed to move out (albeit a houseshare) in SW london on a salary of £13k!

I think you need to take a step back and actually just focus on securing yours and dc future - your bf of one year shouldn't be an intrinsic part of this equation or a deciding factor.

Given that your last relationship was abusive, i would be taking things slowly anyway because you're highly vulnerable to pick another abusive partner.
I'm sensing red flags already - you seem to think/believe you need to take responsibility for sorting out his 'problem, you're thinking of risking/tying up yours and dc future security to meet his needs.
You've accepted his excuse without questioning it..you're trying to 'rescue' him...you're willing to take on extra financial commitments because of him - and you've only been with him a year.

You don't need to complicate things OP.
Keep it simple - invest in good legal advice - and keep all your assets legally protected for you and your dc.
If your bf moves in with you he pays a reduced 'rent' to take into account wear and tear/maintenance costs and he pays his share of bills.
He can then work with you to build a secure future that you can both enjoy - if you're still together.

Right now i think you should still be enjoying the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship, not getting sucked into another unhealthy dynamic.

Rachelle3211 · 08/02/2019 15:26

IF he can't afford to move out on his own, he isn't good with money.

Osirus · 08/02/2019 15:26

You can easily buy a family home on your salary in this area. I live near there so I know what property prices are like.

We have a five bedroom property on a combined salary not all that much higher than yours.

OnTheHop · 08/02/2019 15:29

It will be 10 years before your eldest goes to Uni, buy which time you will have spent a minimum of £100k in rent if you keep renting.

You have a good income so will get a mortgage, you have 25 years of your working life left so won't need a shortened term (though if they will only take your regular job into account you will have money left for your pension).

SweetNorthernRose · 08/02/2019 15:42

As PP have said you can't get a BTL mortgage if you're an FTB and you would usually need at least a 20-25% deposit. Plus there are rules about the rental income (have to be 20%+ more than the monthly mortgage repayments i think to cover any increase in interest rates). It's all very complicated!
I also don't understand why you don't just buy a house where you are for you to live in with your children now??

SweetLathyrus · 08/02/2019 16:57

In So'ton, on your salary, there are lots of better options. The traffic around the flat you've linked to is grim. What about schools? Eastleigh is affordable and there are lots of nicer new developments (though the traffic is still awful). Try to think about a house/flat as somewhere to live rather than an investment.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 08/02/2019 17:06

I don't think you should go for this shared ownership the charges are ridiculous and they're almost always a terrible deal. I also don't think you should have your boyfriend as your tenant. You have plenty of time so I would put the deposit money in a bond until you can afford to buy a place without shared ownership.

llangennith · 08/02/2019 17:10

Keep the boyfriend out of this scenario. Then make your decision

Confusedbeetle · 08/02/2019 17:10

This is a crazy idea. You cannot map out life like this, you cant have a BLT mortgage (which are hard to get now) with family living in it
Make your mind up, do you want an investment or a property to use. It doesnt work the way you are thinking iit

Yulebealrite · 08/02/2019 17:13

Why aren't you looking for a home for you and your children? Why this plan?

R3bourn319 · 08/02/2019 22:38

I would suggest that your priorities should be something like this, because you have an above average salary;

Pay off all debts

Save up a deposit & all fees like solicitor charges to enable yourself to purchase a property that you would live in with your children
Buy a freehold
Dont buy a leasehold, because the maintenance fees can increase hugely

Save up some emergecy money in something like a tax free ISA

Pay into a work pension

--------

Your priority should always be to yourself and your future
Then your children and their future

------

Your boyfriends living arrangements should not be your concern
If he earns 28k, he has plenty of wage to be able to rent or buy (to buy he may need to live in a cheaper area)

--------
You can only have a BTL mortgage if you already own property

A BTL mortgate will incur a higher deposit and higher interest percentage

You would also need to pay stamp duty

Toseland · 08/02/2019 22:42

I’m worried, I think you are still vulnerable only 2 years out of an abusive relationship. I think you are mistaken/mislead about your boyfriend being good with money if he is struggling to move out on his ample salary. If you want security for you and your children buy a lovely house for yourselves and just see how the relationship goes. Your children are your priority.

JustHereForThePooStories · 08/02/2019 22:45

You’ve only been with him a year. Do not make any financial decisions centered around him.

Minglemangle · 08/02/2019 22:48

How old is this boyfriend that is struggling to move out of his parents on £28k? Your idea is terrible, save for a deposit for a place for you and your children.

ElyElyOy · 08/02/2019 22:52

Well done on leaving your ex and trying to make a better life for your family.

The idea you propose is unrealistic, not practical and not in your best interests (or those of your children).

I know it’s a scary thought buying a house on your own, and maybe that’s why you are trying to involve your boyfriend, but you have faced bigger problems than house buying, have some faith in yourself and your ability to handle this alone :)

Go and see a mortgage advisor: they can sit down with you and work out what you can afford and what your outgoings will be. A good one will walk you through all the stages and are worth their weight in gold.

Once you know your budget look at properties: but very seriously consider anything that has a service charge. They are often very high and can go up: so if you wanted something to live in during your retirement something with high service charges (and ground rent) may not be a good option. A house that isn’t a leasehold property is the best option. And don’t put your boyfriends name on it, don’t even factor him in to your move.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 08/02/2019 22:54

Stay away from shared ownership!!! Don't do it. Walk away from that property and don't look at any more shared ownership.

And don't buy a leasehold if at all possible to avoid.

Toseland · 08/02/2019 23:05

Would you sell the flat in old age then and buy something else? I guess you wouldn’t want to live in it? It’d be nicer to live in a house of nice memories? Settle yourself then help others. x

Amallamard · 08/02/2019 23:05

I think you need to forget about housing your boyfriend and providing your children with uni accommodation. Security for you and your children must take priority over your boyfriend who does have somewhere to live (even if not ideal). You don't know if or where your children may go to uni so you should forget about that for now.

You either need to buy to let (not to boyfriend, or if you do you MUST do it formally with contracts etc to protect everyone) or buy for you and your children. If you buy to let you will need a large deposit and be able to show that you can take a rent of 125% of the repayments (to cover all the costs).

Whatever you decide to do you really need to speak to an IFA to find out what your borrowing options are.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/02/2019 23:06

I would ditch this plan for a number of reasons.

  1. The chances of you getting a BTL mortgage are minimal. The chances of you getting it for a shared ownership property are virtually zero. Most have covenants to prevent this.

  2. If you can’t afford to buy somewhere you and your children can comfortably live together, I can see why this seems like a good option as an investment. But if you sink all your money into this property, you won’t be in a position to buy somewhere to live in a couple of years down the line (unless you chuck out your boyfriend and sell up). Could you and your children live in this property if you had to? If not, it might not be such a good investment.

  3. You’re close enough to your boyfriend to let him live in your property at below market rate, but not close enough to live together. Are you sure this is the right time to take this step? What if you get serious and want to move in together - how will you afford another property? Alternatively, what if you split up? Are you going to be okay with being your ex’s landlady? Willl you be as happy to accept below market rent from your ex as you would be from your boyfriend? You might struggle if you want him out or want to put the rent up - especially if you don’t have a formal tenancy agreement.

  4. What if your children don’t want to go to university? Or don’t want to go to that particular university? Or do want to, but can’t get in? What if it doesn’t do the course they want? Of course, there’s nothing to stop you renting it out to other students - but don’t assume this flat is your magic wand when it comes to sorting uni for your children.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/02/2019 23:09

And don't buy a leasehold if at all possible to avoid.

Ignore this. Most flats are leasehold and a decent solicitor will spot any issue with the lease a mile off. If people avoided leasehold, hardly anyone in London would own a property.

JaesseJexaMaipru · 08/02/2019 23:15

Your boyfriend's financial and living arrangements are not your problem and if he can't sort them out without your assistance then he really isn't someone to shackle yourself to.

Your first priority is your kids, and after that preparing for your own retirement.

Why are you paying off your landlord's mortgage when you could be paying your own?

SaucyJack · 08/02/2019 23:32

I’m a bit confused about what would be in it for the boyfriend if you did go ahead.

So you want him to pay the mortgage for his half, and then pay rent to you for your half so you can pay your share of mortgage and claim half of the flat at the end?

And then move out of his home if and when one of your kids might want to live there?

Even without taking into consideration it’s only 25% ownership and there will be yet more rent to pay on top of the mortgage, it’s madness. One of you will get royally fucked over.

rosablue · 08/02/2019 23:40

Like cars, new builds often build a premium into their price that means that once you take ownership, their value drops a bit. In the past when the property market was buoyant, prices would climb so it wouldn't matter too much as the price would have risen and there would be a profit by the time you came to sell.

It's usually much better value to buy a small house that's not brand new, that's not leasehold and doesn't have any service charges attached (becoming more common for new houses to have to pay service charges for the local estate maintenance etc even if there isn't a charge for the house itself).

I know it's not as exciting as a brand new home that's all clean and shiny and untouched, but if this is about investment and value, then it's something that needs to be considered. New properties also seem to be getting smaller and smaller, so if you get something a bit older, you might get a bit more space for your money too!