Do I owe exDP money?

[hatat]

ExDP and I have a child together, although didn't live together.
A couple of months ago I got myself into a bit of debt (3 digit number) and he 'selflessly' sent me a sum of money (about half) to give me a headstart of paying it back.
We were together at that point and while still in the relationship he kept subtly mentioning about repayment and how he didn't have to help.
Now we've split, he's very openly saying he expects it back at some point. To be honest, as we were together and had a child together and it's his choice not to live here yet, I didn't expect to have to pay it back! I thought he was just helping out as a partner would in a serious relationship with a child involved.
I've pointed out to him that it's me that puts the food on the table and pays the gas/electricity and how if I was to pay him back that sum of money then I'd really, really struggle- if not just starve! He just acts like he doesn't care as he'd step in and make sure DC had everything (inc food and stuff), but I didn't deserve the money for getting myself in debt so it wasn't his problem.
He's not being very pushy with it, he's trying to pull it off as jokey when he pesters for it so I guess that's a bonus, but AIBU to think he is being unreasonable here? Surely this is just unnecessary stress for me.

In your shoes I would pay him back and make sure cms get what you are entitled to for your dc.
You already knew he was a twat. He is just clarifying it for you.

You should pay him back and then go to come for maintainence for your dd

Is he financially supporting your child?

I'd pay him back. Get it in writing so he cut claim later a larger amount etc.even if you offer to pay him back £2 a week or whatever, at least you'll be paying him back.

How much maintenance has he paid towards your child since child was born? Is he paying a fair amount regularly? If so then it's probably best to pay him what you owe him. If he's not paying maintenance you need to pursue that and I'd be less inclined to pay him if he hasn't contributed to your child's upbringing so far.

It depends on how much he is paying for his child’s maintenance, if very little or nothing I would simply point out you are in debt because he hadn’t paid for his child adequately, and then pursue CM.

If he is contributing adequately arrange small instalments over a long period of time, and remind him of his responsibilities.

It was always a loan. So you need to pay it back. It's not as if he gave it to you then changed his mind and asked for it back.
Pay it back then claim proper cm.

It doesn't sound like he's financially contributing to your DS. Work out what he should be contributing, and take what you 'owe' him off that sum - I suspect it would end up with him owing you! Then go through child maintenance service to make sure he pays what he is obliged to.

calculate child maintenance and then offset as others have said. It rather sounds as if he hasn't actually contributed much financially to your child while you were together tbf.

You have said that whilst you are still in the relationship he was talking about repayment. So why would you think you would not need to repay. You knew. You are now trying to convince yourself that you don't have to because it was given as a gift. It wasn't. He made it clear. He discussed repayments at the time. You admit that. You know that morally you must repay him. Just because you don't want to doesn't make it right not to.

Pay him back, it was a loan.

Work out what he should pay you (not what you think he should be paying you). If he hasn't made those payments deduct it from the money you owe. If he has, pay the whole amount back maybe in small installments. Make sure you are claiming Cm.

You didn’t live together. Was he paying the correct amount of maintenance back then? Is he paying you the correct amount of maintenance now?

It sounds as if the answers are no and you got into debt providing for your child as he failed to do so. Time to contact the cms and if he gave you no regular money or less then the level amount, he can sod off.

Find out your rights and email him about the money - is you thought it was for maintenance your D.C. in case he tries to take you to small claims. If he’s been contributing correctly, yes, £2 a week would be ok.

What was the debt for? Household/child expenses, he should contribute, bought yourself something nice pay him back. Either way make sure you're getting the maintenance he ought to be paying

Impossible to answer this question based on the limited information provided really. If he earns £80k it's different from if he earns £12k. And whether he was contributing at the time and since.

He was talking about repayment when you were still together you so cant say you thought it was a gift, - which i appreciate you are not saying but why then think you don't have to repay? you owe it, clearly from your post it wasn't for your dc, but for your debt, so im surprised at posters asking was it for dc, or implying he's not paying maintenance, as you've split its not surprising there is now more pressure to repay, but he's not saying I want it all now, is he? maybe he just wants an acknowledgement he helped you out as a favour and you do intend to repay, what can you afford ? he doesn't sound like he's asking you to go without food, say I can afford x a week or month. Put a plan in place you don't need this hassle or stress hanging over you. of course if he isn't paying for his child as he should as some other posters believe then you should chase this

"JasperKarat

What was the debt for? Household/child expenses, he should contribute, bought yourself something nice pay him back. Either way make sure you're getting the maintenance he ought to be paying"

I agree with that.

It's sounds like he's made it clear you need to pay him back since that start. Yes you need to repay him. Treat maintenance separately if you are owed it.

Not sure what you mean by "Surely this is just unnecessary stress for me." You could say that about many things in life.