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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being over sensitive here?

22 replies

Heronymous · 07/02/2019 16:58

My DH has been best friends with a man we’ll call William since they were at primary school (now early thirties). William was best man at our wedding and is a close friend of both of ours. He recently split up with his long term girlfriend, and another of his and my DH’s school friends has been going through a hard time. A group of us therefore agreed to all go to the pub for a catch up.

William and I both arrived early because we work very close to the pub, so we probably had an hour there when it was just us. Had a chat, couple of drinks etc. About half an hour in to this, we saw the former flatmate of his ex girlfriend as she was leaving the pub. I know her reasonably well from uni and from spending time with William and his girlfriend, so went up to say hi. I got a really weird vibe from her right away. There was something very pointed in her matter and she asked lots of questions about where my DH was, who we were meeting etc.

Later that night long after we left the pub I texted her to say it had been nice to see her and I got this back:

‘Thanks for coming to say hi was nice to see you too but think William should have said hi to me. He just made it really weird. Don’t know if he felt awkward because he was out with you.’

So I texted back saying ‘don’t think he felt awkward lol, we were waiting for friends’

And then she said:

‘Just think it’s a bit weird he confides in you and not Malcolm, as long as Malcolm’s ok with it though 👍🏻‘

Is this passive agressive? Is she insinuating something? The whole convo was just really weird and I’m not sure what she’s getting at. I’m probably just going to ignore it but I would like to know what she thinks is going on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Heronymous · 07/02/2019 16:59

(Malcolm is my DH - hopefully not outing )

Also NC for this, not new poster

OP posts:

VeraWangTwang · 07/02/2019 17:04

She's just trying to stir the pot, ignore her

Pippa12 · 07/02/2019 17:07

She sounds ridiculous. Ignore her. I’d mention the exchange to your husband to ensure she can’t stir!

itswinetime · 07/02/2019 17:07

She's a drama seeker, she's one of those that loves to look for drama where there is none!! Considering Malcom did know you were with William and is ok with it I would ignore her and avoid in future.

workinprogressmum · 07/02/2019 17:07

Yes I agree with PP. You don't need to explain yourself to her. You were there innocently waiting for friends. If she can't accept that, that's her problem

silverpurple · 07/02/2019 17:08

No, I don't think you're being over sensitive. I think she sounds a bit weird and definitely like she wants to stir the pot.

You went and said hello and made the effort to text her afterwards, I don't see what more you could have done! Please don't let this upset you x

Bluntness100 · 07/02/2019 17:11

Of course you know what she's getting at.

She thinks you're shagging William.

PaquitaVariation · 07/02/2019 17:12

You’re not being over sensitive, she’s just stirring. Put her straight and then just move on and forget it.

Biancadelrioisback · 07/02/2019 17:14

Text her back telling her it's more weird that she cares who William confides in and it's a shame as you didn't have her down as being so judgemental. Also make sure you tell you DH before she does and twists things

RescueRemedy21 · 07/02/2019 17:17

Reply "he confides in us both, not sure why you would think otherwise or even care?!? Obviously you were free to go over to him as much as him to you. Seems there's issues both sides so best we avoid the topic as don't wish to get caught in the crossfire."

Parthenope · 07/02/2019 17:17

Well, it’s fairly obvious she was insinuating that you and William are shagging, but given some of the ‘Going to the pub one on one with an opposite-sex friend!!! I wouldn’t have that!’ bosom-hoiking you regularly get on here, she doesn’t seem to be alone in thinking that once you’re in a relationship, no confidences should be shared with friends of the opposite sex. I mean, to me that’s quite mad, but she’s far from unique.

In your shoes I’d have been tempted to lean over and hiss ‘William’s as great in the sack as he’s reputed, you know.’

Parthenope · 07/02/2019 17:20

Preferably while holding your hands about a foot apart and looking awed.

Original poster

Heronymous · 07/02/2019 17:20

My DH already knows - he was one of the people who joined us at the pub and he’s seen the texts. He’s not bothered!

Thank you for the responses - think it is best just to ignore, whatever she wanted it’s nothing good...

OP posts:

Original poster

Heronymous · 07/02/2019 17:21

In your shoes I’d have been tempted to lean over and hiss ‘William’s as great in the sack as he’s reputed, you know.’

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 07/02/2019 17:22

It was odd that he didn't say hello. But she's put two amd two together and come up with five.

Bestseller · 07/02/2019 17:23

I wouldn't reply to her at all, just have a giggle with DH over the madness.

Parthenope · 07/02/2019 17:24

Well, if Nosy Drama Woman is William's ex's former flatmate, he may have his reasons for not wanting to go over and say hello. If he's miserable or angry after the break-up, he just may not want to be reminded of his ex, or he may be aware that the ex-flatmate will have been getting a very negative account of him from his ex, if the break-up was messy...?

Original poster

Heronymous · 07/02/2019 17:27

It was odd that he didn't say hello

Yeah, possibly. I think it’s all just a bit raw for him at the moment and he’s just keeping his head down.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 07/02/2019 17:39

I agree, don't respond. There is nothing you can say here that won't look defensive and add to the drama.

Lizzie48 · 07/02/2019 17:43

Just don't say anything, I agree with PPs. How ridiculous! At least your DH isn't taking any notice of her insinuations.

pictish · 07/02/2019 17:47

I would respond.

“I’m taken aback by your text. William and I both work close to the pub so got there first. Malcolm was on his way. What’s weird is your interpretation of that.”

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/02/2019 17:57

I would have text back men and woman can the friends without having to fuck each other, refreshing concept isn’t it

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