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Original poster

My friend and birthday parties!!!

36 replies

froggy3 · 07/02/2019 12:33

My friend has 3 dcs between the ages of 8 and 4.

They all have their birthdays in December and January.

My dcs also go to the same school and we have mutual friends.

Anyway my friend is always super organised with her dcs birthdays seen as they are all so close to Christmas which I do understand. She's already hired the venues out for all 3 parties this year and next and booked the entertainers

However she also has sent out texts to the parents of all children invited to the parties to ask for if they can make it. She does this every year and it's just because she worries that with the time of year, a lot of kids with be able to attend if they are doing Christmassy things.

This morning I had 2 separate parents come up to me and basically ask me why she does it so early and how they really don't know if their child will be available or not. One parent said she thought my friend was very strange and she had never known anything like it. These parties aren't for another 10/11 months

I also saw my friend this morning who told me she was stressed as barely anyone had replied to her messages.

Is she being unreasonable? Or just extra organised?

OP posts:
Babysharkdododont · 07/02/2019 12:34

She is being very odd, who the heck knows what they'll be doing in 11 months time. A save the date for a wedding I can understand, but not for a child's birthday

WoogleCone · 07/02/2019 12:37

I think it's great that she's organised and I can understand her desire to be that way given the time of year but sending invites that early is BU. No one knows what they're doing that far in advance, if I was an invitee I would write the date down but honestly if a family engagement came up on the same day it would take precedence so she's not going to get true figures until much closer anyway.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/02/2019 12:41

It is a bit weird, round here, it's a month or 1:5 month before a party that invitations are sent out. Nobody knows what they are doing in 10/11 months time.

BIgBagofJelly · 07/02/2019 12:44

Well obviously is weird and no one but other super organised people are going to know if they'll be free or remember the party date so far in advance. I do get her anxiety though. People round here are rubbish at RSVPing and committing to come or not come. She needs to book the party as far in advance as she likes but not ask for an RSVP until a month or two max before the party.

NotANotMan · 07/02/2019 12:46

She can't expect people to book parties in 11 months in advance. Nobody can possibly say if they will be busy that far in advance. She needs to chill the fuck our.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/02/2019 12:49

Booking is fine, but it's far too early for invites.

FlagFish · 07/02/2019 12:51

I can understand her booking the parties, but there’s no point sending out invites until nearer the time.

lola006 · 07/02/2019 12:51

I can understand booking the venue and telling parents the dates, but not expecting RSVP’s. What happens if one of the DC decides in October that don’t want ‘Tom’ to come and instead ‘Suzy’?

Original poster
froggy3 · 07/02/2019 12:55

Thanks all. I have to say I agree with you all. She's one of my best friends but I'm finding it frustrating. She does find it very very stressful having 3 children's birthdays at Christmas which I get totally. And I understand the worry that no one will be able to come.

But yeah she needs to chill out.

OP posts:
Original poster
froggy3 · 07/02/2019 12:58

@lola006 I also think this too. My would do this. But she tends to invite the whole class so no one gets left out

OP posts:
Original poster
froggy3 · 07/02/2019 12:59

My dd would do this it should say

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 07/02/2019 13:06

My dc both have December birthdays
I organise them max 6 weeks before and we always have loads of people reply/turn up
She’s being weird

KingLooieCatz · 07/02/2019 13:19

December birthday for DS. We invited 8 to a party at home with about three weeks notice, expecting to get maybe 5 or 6 attend. All 8 accepted and turned up. 9 x 10 year old boys in a 2 bed flat for two hours.

TchoupiEtDoudou · 07/02/2019 13:21

Eeek, I thought it was odd getting an invite today for March 26th!!!!

Round here it's usually 2-4 weeks notice, and we've had 3 so far since September with only 4-5 days notice... the parents are very laid back about parties, they're just at home or in the park. And for DS1 it's the same group of boys invited to every party for the last 4 years so I think the parents all take it easy.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/02/2019 13:24

I can see why she would pre book a venue but to send invites is OTT.

fruitbrewhaha · 07/02/2019 13:26

This is crazy. You may well be free now on that date, but if it's close to Christmas and a family event is organised on the same day, that is likely to take precedence.

She needs to understand that her kids parties aren't everyone else's priority.

Drum2018 · 07/02/2019 13:30

Tell her to cop on. She cannot expect anyone to respond to an invite for a party at the end of the year. She must have very little going on in her life if she already stressing about her kids birthdays. Tell her straight out that she is being unreasonable - nobody gives a damn about her kids birthday parties at this stage, and her asking for replies now will just annoy people.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/02/2019 13:31

She does find it very very stressful having 3 children's birthdays at Christmas which I get totally.

Yeah, not that organised then Wink

If I'd received an invitation, I would be twisting in the wind - caught between (a) obviously having nothing planned for December and (b) not committing (as obviously no one else is either), thereby upsetting the friend because it's clear that her party isn't going to be anyone else's priority.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/02/2019 13:36

On the other hand...

Whilst I do think she's gone off way too early, from your friend's point of view, I do find it quite rude when you invite people to a function (within the normal invitation timescales of course!) and they say "oh I don't know what I'm doing that night" and I want to scream "you have nothing else on so surely you're free to come to my party!!!?".

It may be of course, that they just don't like me. Imagine!

Fatbutt · 07/02/2019 13:39

another with DC born in december here, we do it 4-6 weeks in advance, had a few not able to come but on the whole its been fine - I wouldn't DREAM of arranging it with the parents now, have barely given it a thought myself!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/02/2019 13:40

Yes, that's total overkill IMO.

Who knows what will have happened in the intervening 11/12 months! People can move house/area in that time, so what would be the point of saying "yes" now and then they won't even be around? (This actually happened to DS2 - one responder to his party said "yes" up until 3 days before the party, but then didn't turn up, and wasn't back at school when they returned from the 2 week break because they'd moved house suddenly! And this was with only 3 weeks notice for the party)

She needs to calm down a bit and stop stressing her head over it. Fine to let people know - but I don't think she can expect responses, AND ones that people will stick to, this early.

user1474894224 · 07/02/2019 13:49

I have 2 kids with Dec birthdays. One at the start and one on 24th. I like to be organised and often book an event in October....I start to tell close friends the dates but not random school parents. - whole class invites go out 2 to 3 weeks prior. To be honest DS hasn't ever had a massive party....last year was his biggest (18 kids) and by the time siblings, cousins, family friends were accounted for there were only about 6 invites to school friends. - Gosh we are getting married in May and have only just sent a save the date......

blueskiesovertheforest · 07/02/2019 13:59

Anything could happen that far in advance - including people who are not currently pregnant being in hospital on that date having another baby! It's too far in advance, obviously. Children's friendships and tastes also change drastically over the course of 10 or 11 months in some cases.

Nothing wrong with booking it as long as its a fairly generic venue, not one they might go off/ grow out of. At a stretch a self depreciating humorous text asking if people could pencil the date in, saying she knows its barmy but with the DC having birthdays so close to Christmas she likes to be organised and let people know so that they can pencil the date in. Perhaps check she hasn't overlooked some massive clash with a local event which always happens on that date...

Expecting people to confirm attendance is ridiculous.

Toooldtocareanymore · 07/02/2019 14:08

clearly too little to occupy her , she's only got last party done Jan, and she's starting on next year, sure people could rsvp but it would be entirely meaningless, at this strange who knows and who cares? its absolutely not extra organised , its obsessive and I feel sorry for those kids what if they want a different type of party by time next December comes about

reluctantbrit · 07/02/2019 14:52

How does she know her children still like the guests, they may change classes or drift to other friendship groups,

DD’s Birthday is just before the Summer holidays and we often struggle with end of term stuff and the fact thT DD jumps straight from school to a Scout camp. But I think beginning of June is already too early.

Luckily thanks to Secondary it seems now she just chats to some of her friends and they agree on a date for movies and dinner.

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