To ask how much milk my 5 week premature baby should drink?

[CustardCreamLover]

I had my baby boy 5 weeks early and he's now 17 days old. I'm starting to dread the MW visits because I'm scared he will have lost weight. I'm EBF and worried that he's not eating enough. He goes at it like he's starved and is done in 10 minutes. My breast always feels empty when he's finished but I'm worried I'm not producing enough for him. I offer the second breast but he's always to sleepy to be interested.

Does the worry ever go away? We were in hospital for 8 days and we had twice daily weigh ins and they drove me crazy with worry and I can't seem to shake it now. At his last weight he was 120g over his birth weight but I'm just so scared that he's losing again. I feel like I failed him by being unable to carry him to term and now I feel like I'm failing him with feeding. I feel really quite alone.

Any advice or support would be gratefully received by a tired, worried new mum.

What makes you say that OP? What’s happened?

I just can't cope. Baby is eating that's fine, it's just a fight to get him started every time and he always throws something back up.

I'm exhausted, there's no let up and my husband has just lectured me on how millions of people do this so I shouldn't be so upset.

I love my baby but it's just too hard.

My baby was 6 wks prem and I struggled to BF but persevered. You’re NOT a terrible mother. If you were then you wouldn’t be worrying about him and askig for advice. You’re doing a great job.

My nieces baby had tongue tie and lost weight but once snipped he got on fine. Ask the midwife to check his tongue to rule itout if nothing else.

When EBF you simply don’t know how much baby is taking, but if he is content and feeding, has wet nappies, then you are doing fine

💐

It’s not you, it is hard and it’s harder still with a premature baby. Your husband can fuck off.
Mine had no instinct to suck until after his due date, and he threw up 16, 17 times an hour sometimes because his stomach was immature.
It’s normal to struggle because it’s really hard, but you sound like you’re looking after him well. You just don’t have the energy to look after you at the same time (and the person who should be looking after you is too busy being a bellend).

Your husband says rubbis, sorry. Yes, millions of women do it but there are also millions who couldn’t and the first weeks are the hardest, regardless how much people say that it is natural.

Bringing milk up is not a bad sign necessarily. You could try and see if it works better if you keep your baby upright after feeding and see if the milk stays. A baby who throws up a whole feed will try to nurse again, so look out for that.

See if you can speak in person to a breastfeeding consultant, they can check latch, check for tongue-tie (something three midwives and the paediatrics didn’t see) and offer suggestions for different holds, not all babies do like the “standard” one.

Don’t forget to think of yourself, if you need a day with baby in bed, do it. Fresh air may help blowing away cobwebs, if the weather is decent were you are, go for a stroll.

You are not a bad mother!

The fact he is always throwing some back up is a good sign OP. Possetting is usually an indication that baby is getting a good volume of milk.

I’m a midwife, I had a term baby and I found breastfeeding horrendously difficult for several weeks. I still find being a mum incredibly hard. You aren’t failing at all. You need to reach out and talk to someone about how you are feeling so you can get some support. You’ve had a rough start to motherhood and it’s no surprise you’re having a bit of a wobble. Your health visitor is a good place to start.

So my son was born 6 weeks early and spent a while I SCBU. I came home and sobbed. It took me a good while to relax. Completely worried I had made the biggest mistake ever.

He thrived and put on loads of weight. Next month he’s going to be 11 and has turned out well enough .

I used have this worry and was making myself I'll with worry about it, I started introducing a few formula feeds so it was about 50/50 formula and breast and I felt so much better for it. Obviously not everyone wants to introduce formula which is fine but I also think it's stigmatized too much. If it's something you think would help I would say do it. I mean if he's gaining weight that is the most telling sign he's getting enough but It helped me just to know at least she was get something that I could physically see and really eased my anxiety over it.

Oh ladies you're making me cry even more for being so nice!
I've just thought about it and he's put on half a kilo since we came home, he always has wet nappies and they're usually dirty as well so he must be eating enough.

I just feel a lot of the time that I failed him by having him early and I'm always scared of the next thing that will go wrong. I really hope it's just exhaustion and will get better with time.

Thank you again. There are some good people out there!

It IS hard - you cannot see how much they are eating and they are so tiny. But that much weight gain is a great sign. You are doing fine! Tell your DH to be more supportive (eveyone gets weepy and goes off their head a but at some point) and keep on keeping on .....

My son feeds in about 10 minutes, always has done (now 8 weeks) because I have a fast let-down. So the time for feeding isn't an indicator.

It's still hard now, he's been so fidgety these last couple of evenings, but starting to sleep better. But he's also started to smile and that makes everything so worthwhile! I love it when he smiles at me, I forget how hard I find it sometimes.

Do get help for what could be PND. I hope you've got a good health visitor who can offer assistance. Don't do this alone. Congratulations on your baby x

@custardcreamlover
The exhaustion caused by night feeds is a killer. And lack of sleep can seriously affect your mood.
Please do speak to your GP about how you feel, you may have signs of Post Natal Depression and your GP can help with that.
If by any chance you are in or near to Bristol, Mothers for Mothers and Bluebell Place are both excellent organisations that can help with these sorts of feelings.
It would also be worth going to a local breastfeeding support group. Supporters would be able to reassure you that you are doing a wonderful thing for your baby.

You are NOT a bad mother. You are simply a mother who is anxious about doing their best for their baby and who is exhausted by broken sleep. Unfortunately in this modern society we no longer have the 'village' that is takes to raise a child.

Self care is super important. leave the baby with Daddy for half an hour and have a bath, meditate, go for a walk in the fresh air. Whatever would help you to feel better.

You might have saved him by having him early; mine would have died if he’d stayed in. Even if you don’t know why you went into labour early, your body might have known what it was doing.

My Dd was a struggle to feed at 5 was prem. no more than1 oz every few hours.
She was 5lb8 born then dropped to 4lb15 and it took nearly 3 weeks for her to gain her birth weight.
She’s 3 now and is tiny but has one hell of an appetite 😂

Trust in you. Trust in your body. Only worry when you know you have something to worry about.

It is really hard to go from those daily weigh ins and feeds measured in tiny mls to being all on your own trusting your breasts are doing what they should. I found it incredibly difficult.

If DS is hungry he will eat. If he is sleepy after a feed that's a good sign. Remember to alternate breasts if he is only taking one so both are still producing. I ended up with a lazy boob because I kept forgetting.

You've had a tough time of it, a difficult start. It will get better, the guilt will subside. It feels like you haven't been mum, but what you've had to do so far is incredible.

Have you tried the Bliss message boards? Lots of good advice there. Happy for you to reach out to me on PM too if you need it.

The two measures they use are weight gain and wet nappies - as long as they gain a few grams and get 8 or so wet nappies a day they are getting enough. Every ebf baby has similar issues, just more so with preemies