People wanting to come along

[ParkingPermitWoes]

I have just finished a course for work which means I have to go to ceremony and have someone else from my profession attend with me to validate my qualification. I am then entitled to ask another 2 people to come along. I have asked my boss to validate my qualification and then asked my secretary who I love and a client who I get on v well with (DH can’t come and overseas so no family). I have just found out that the other two people in my team have now decided they are also coming along.

AIBU to be annoyed with this?

I don’t actually want a big fuss made and also wanted it to be quite low key and now 5 people are coming! It is in a public building and apparently they don't enforce the 2 attendees rule but still!

The other people have also gone through this and I didn’t hijack their ceremony. Maybe I should be happy that they want to come along and see me – but shouldn’t it be about what I want!?

Initially I didn’t actually want anyone else initially other than my boss (as I say, wanted it low key) and now it’s snowballed. I work closely with these people so don't’ want to offended anyone but I actually didn’t tell anyone it was tomorrow until this afternoon (purposefully) and now they’re all coming and seem miffed I'm not excited!!

Is there free booze or something? Unless this ceremony is loaded with cake and booze the only reason for them to come is to celebrate you. I think that’s nice.

Can you take it as a positive even if you don’t like a fuss?

Not sure what the appeal is (a day off work, food, drink, genuinely pleased and want to see you receive your certificate?) but it looks like they have been given permission to tag along by someone. Would your boss (who you 'invited') have authorised this?

No, no booze or cake or anything. You're right I should take it as a positive. It is just I actually don't want to do it (I have to) and don't want a fuss - just want it over with. I can't explain why as I don't know why I feel that way, I just do!

But maybe I need to get over myself and think it's a nice thing they want to come.

Really don't get the problem

Shouldn't they be at work?

Yes, one person said Oh I'll come too and the boss said "yes, come". I'm like WTF? Then the other one would be the only one in the team not coming so I was told to send her the invite too!

It wont' take long - only 30 mins and it's only 15 minute walk away and so not even a day off work!

I think it is partly because it was a really hard slog and messed up most of my year last year, took me away from my DH and kids and I feel resentful and having to do it in the first place. Most people would want to celebrate the achievement, but for me it was horrid and I just want to forget it!

I think you need to get over yourself, sorry.

Great Duck - why? I don't want anyone else there watching me? It's my ceremony for my achievement and I just don't want anyone there or a fuss? Why should they get to choose to come along when I don't want anyone there?

Maybe your colleagues recognise the effort you've gone to and know your DH won't be able to attend so why to be the to support you/celebrate your achievement. Given there's no free lunch, and it's not getting them out of work for very long I'd say it's nice you work in such a friendly supportive team. Congratulations on your qualification.

*so want to be there

YANBU. I would hate this too. But I think you should try to see it as a positive.

JasperKarat, thank you and yes it is lovely they actually want to come I suppse. I think I some form over breakdown over the Christmas break because of the pressure I was under at work last year and perhaps that is clouding my judgement.

My DH did something similar and half the office came to show support and celebrate. It means people like you. His other colleague did it and only one guy turned up. It’s a compliment that they want to share your achievement.

But maybe I need to get over myself and think it's a nice thing they want to come

I was just responding to that comment OP.

Are you ok generally OP? Is there something else going on in your life making you stressed/upset?

GreatDuck - thank you. I guess I'm still struggling to see why I should just accept it and get over myself, though I need to for it not to be awkward at work!

Yes, I'm fine otherwise - just exhausted after last year and then feeling that I don't want to celebrate this. I think they're all quite surprised as for my birthday I am most definitely a "It's about me" person.

Have you talked to DH about it? That’s what I usually do when something doesn’t feel right or I need another opinion.

I feel for you, personally I loathe situations like that or anything that draws attention to myself, I am generally a confident and outgoing person but I just don’t like those sorts of occasions. I never went to my graduation ceremony and had the smallest possible of weddings (twice ). I also hate birthday parties and actually had to organise a very small occasion for a recent ‘big’ birthday just in case my DH tried to arrange something. I am happy in my life and don’t feel the need for ‘celebrations’.

Can you have a quiet word with your boss about it?

If you're allowed to invite 2 people, will the self-invited ones even be allowed in? Image if everyone brought extras-the hall would be overflowing.

Sue - apparently they don't enforce the 2 person rule and it is never an issue.