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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving 16 yo ds alone for a week - AIBU

52 replies

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 15:41

Just want people's thoughts on leaving my 16 yo ds alone at home for one week. DP and I are thinking of taking a week's holiday in the summer. DS doesn't want to come. He is quiet happy to stay home alone and with two sets of GP and various other family members living close by I was considering agreeing. I was telling a close friend all the above and she has made me second think everything as she doesn't think it is right to leave a 16 yo for this length of time. So I just wanted some other opinions on this thanks.

OP posts:

ChoccyBiccyTastic · 06/02/2019 16:22

At 16, you can live alone, get married, have a baby, and work full time. In short, you can live adult life. Are people really saying they have failed to equip their nearly adult children with the life skills to survive even one week at home alone?

legolimb · 06/02/2019 16:23

I would

I was leftalone at that age many moons ago and managed fine . I had work every day and my boyfriend round some nights .

I have left DS from being 15. Only for one night to start with and we weren't far away. He was fine and enjoyed being independent.

You know your son best though.

Alaimo · 06/02/2019 16:23

My parents left me for 2 weeks when I was 16 and then I went on holiday with friends before they returned, so I didn't see them for close to four weeks. My mum did have to teach me how to cook and operate the washing machine before they left though! My parents had also informed my friend's parents that they'd be away, and my friend/her parents invited me over for dinner a couple of times (presumably both to be nice and as a subtle way to make sure all was still okay). This was about 2 months before my 17th birthday, not sure if my parents would have left me for two weeks if I had only just turned 16.

SummerGems · 06/02/2019 16:23

Not a chance.

My sixteen year old is immensely capable and I would have absolutely no worries about him having a party or similar.

However he is also a slob and I have little doubt that he would cook some elaborate meal/s and leave the kitchen in a complete state as well as the rest of the house and that’s one return from a holiday I could quite do without.....

In fact I am due to go into hospital in a while for about ten days and I am immensely fortunate that both my parents and my DP will come to stay here to look out for DS (as well as to visit me hopefully,) while I’m in. And I know that DS will probably even cook for them etc, but the cleaning up would most definitely be an issue.

I am slightly at the thought of him leaving the iron on though. iron you say? .

Peakypolly · 06/02/2019 16:26

I wouldn’t think twice and agree with 00100001
I am spectacularly disorganised around the house and each of my DC at 16 were possibly more competent than me. Age does not always bring wisdom and I for one do not seem to have benefitted from experience.
We have no nearby family but having animals mean some routine has to be kept which is a good thing.

WishIwas19again · 06/02/2019 16:29

At the same age my parents left me at home for a month with my 18 year old brother (so not quite the same I know) whilst they visited family abroad. Both me and my brother worked full time over the summer holidays, saw friends and chilled out so I loved it, felt very grown up.

If she is happy to be left, she's sensible and you have neighbours or friends nearby you can trust for help I'm sure they will be fine for one week.

fleshmarketclose · 06/02/2019 16:30

I left my two from being sixteen and there was never any issues. If you think he would be fine and with family so close then I would leave him home. Mine always wanted to know when we were due home because they would spend the morning cleaning up as they had done nothing all week.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 06/02/2019 16:36

Good point about the iron.

A padlock on the domestic appliances cupboard is a necessity, to prevent the inevitable desire to clean and polish surfacing - otherwise he'll have knocked all your knick-knacks off the mantlepiece with his enthusiastic dusting and hoovered up the hamster before you get back.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

JellySlice · 06/02/2019 16:36

Are people really saying they have failed to equip their nearly adult children with the life skills to survive even one week at home alone?

Not I. My lot would all survive perfectly well, if not necessarily to my standard. The problem is friends trashing the house. I'm not willing to deal with the consequences.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 16:39

@summergems - the fact he is a disorganised slob is my worry 😂 I have nightmares about returning home to the kitchen looking like something from a disaster movie and the crap from his bedroom growing legs and multiplying into mutants 😭

OP posts:

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 06/02/2019 16:42

Are people really saying they have failed to equip their nearly adult children with the life skills to survive even one week at home alone?

The question is, can you be sure that all your DC's friends parents have equipped them with similar skills? Because once they find out he's got a free house then they'll all want to come round.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 16:42

@outwiththeoutcrowd - crap we have a hamster and two gerbils..... Perhaps I'll need to rehome them for the week😂 I don't need to worry about housework or ironing he wouldn't know a duster or mop if it bit him on the arse!

OP posts:

EspressoButler · 06/02/2019 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SummerGems · 06/02/2019 16:45

Are people really saying they have failed to equip their nearly adult children with the life skills to survive even one week at home alone? someone I know regularly goes to stay at her friend’s house in order to look after her children when she and her dh are away. She washes and irons for them, cooks their meals, cleans up after them etc.....

They’re 29 and 27.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 16:47

@expressobutler - I'm sure he would survive. He definitely wouldn't starve and tbh I'm not even worried about washing as I'm pretty sure he would spend the majority of time in his pj's so I'm quietly confident there wouldn't be a lot of washing to come home to. On the other hand I'm sure he would run out of plates, cups etc....

OP posts:

Original poster

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 16:50

@summergems - I also know someone who still does washing and cleaning for her two girls who are both in their 30's. Tbh she has always been very controlling and smothering.

OP posts:

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 06/02/2019 16:50

Not tryin to be negative but my sil thought her ds was ok to stop alone for a week as was usually quiet and sensible but he had a massive house party and a lot of stuff got damaged

00100001 · 06/02/2019 16:52

"someone I know regularly goes to stay at her friend’s house in order to look after her children when she and her dh are away. She washes and irons for them, cooks their meals, cleans up after them etc.....

They’re 29 and 27. shock shock shock"

well more fool your friend!!

MrsBartlettforthewin · 06/02/2019 16:52

My folks did this with me at 16. I got bored after a few days though did have friends over a few evenings for low key drinking sessions. By midweek I decamped to my local grandparents for the cooking.

BitchQueen90 · 06/02/2019 16:54

For me it's all dependent on the child. I was left alone at that age and I moved into my own place at 17, but I was very mature for my age (and not very popular so nobody would have come to any parties at my house )

Original poster

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 16:55

@SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc - tbf I guess I could never be certain what how he would act. What I am certain about though is that any party or gathering would get shut down quickly. My parents live about 200 yards away and walk past the house multiple times in the day and evening walking dogs and my in laws would be finding any reason to pop down. Both GP's would no doubt be coordinating lots of visits.

OP posts:

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 06/02/2019 16:57

No, I wouldn't. I think a night might just about be acceptable (but entirely depends on the young person) but not a week. They might agree to it in theory but you'd probably find they'd get lonely, spooked or goodness knows what (very annoyed at relatives popping in all the time). Why can't he go and stay with his parents or your in-laws - problem solved.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 06/02/2019 17:03

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 - He could stay with either GP's but was happy to be home alone. Think we will be doing half and half now so he's home sometime in the day but evening/nights at GP. I think this will be a good compromise

OP posts:

rose789 · 06/02/2019 17:10

At 16 I had my own flat and worked 2 jobs to pay for it as well as sixth form for my A levels. He’ll be fine

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 06/02/2019 17:11

Ah fair enough op, that sounds like a good set up

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