Paying for Family

[RedStaplersRule]

Is it a thing for IL's to joke that you and DP should pay houses or school fees? The theme has been revisited in a ha-ha manner, but assume AIBU to feel that it could be a slippery slope.

It was a joke. Treat it as such.

You see I wouldn’t find the comment to 7 year old funny at all. Do not discuss money or baby names with family, ever.

Just remember in the future NOT to make any suggestions (no matter how kindly met) as to how your iLs spend their money.

I think your dh sounds a right knob tbh.
it's obvious his sister can't afford fees, and great she joked rather than calling him out for the knob he so obviously is.
knobness does come with riches though.

Sounds like a joke to ease the tension of suggesting that the ILs should be paying £££ for private school.

We could afford private school and two sets of people have suggested we should. It was awkward tbh and I found it slightly embarrassing and judgmental. I replied to one that DS didn't want to board and the private school closest to us wasn't particularly good - they then suggested we move (!!)...I then just changed the subject but I can see how I could've ended up joking that they pay for it then. The other one was SIL, who is the queen of PA so made the point that we are failing our son in her normal PA ways - I just ignored her and distanced myself further.

Rather than tell him he was being a knob they joked that perhaps he should fund it.

Yep. I have relatives who occasionally tell me to do something ridiculously unaffordable, and I generally find saying 'are you offering to pay?' shuts them up fast. And it's politer than telling them to go fuck themselves (although I'm still tempted).

Wtf? They're suggesting you pay for DN's private schooling?

No of course you don't fucking have to pay for their child. Cheeky twats.

It’s not out of the question so he wasn’t just being a dick and I would certainly have said there was a preoccupation around education being the path to success so I think he thought he was just giving some advice as his two DC are already passing through the system.

On the comment to DS I did find it a bit weird I will say so I am glad I am not the only one. If he did that it would give the children equal opportunity aparrently

I find it really sad that a little child has even begun to think she should use her small savings for such a thing

I don't think that's particularly sad. It's exactly the kind of thing DD (6) would say has said about different things . Switched-on enough to have noticed that money is limited, generous enough to want to help people she loves, and naive enough to have no idea of the cost of things vs the value of her savings!

I would avoid talking about money or schools (or anything controversial or negative towards other people) in front of the children though.

He was being overbearing. They know you have experience, so will ask your opinion if they want it.

My friend’s parents kept suggesting she should get a bigger house because hers is too small. She knows this, but doesn’t have the magic money tree required.

Are you sure they’re full on joking? My in laws come out with this kind of stuff. Oh, DH should send one of his cars over to India for me to use. DH, here is a brochure for the flat I’d like you to buy me. Normal person would take that as a joke right? They’re not joking.

I’m also generally pretty pro pooling of resources. I would happilyfor for hypothetical DNs educations if we could afford it on top of necessary expenditures but we have no DNs yet and are barely managing financially. But I still find it really cheeky to suggest someone should do that. Now you have me dreading when this conversation comes up. You’ve made me paranoid.

I would laugh it off. No of course you should not be paying for other peoples childrens school fees etc. Hopefully they were just joking but just in case they weren't I would make it clear that no you will not be doing that.

Just say . Good joke...
Keep saying this to anything requesting money...
Or no DH can't he has to fund my shoe habbit.

If your DH had ‘advice’ about local education then raise it in private, grandstanding especially in front of children is dickish.