To think no one cares

[Timetravellingbunnies]

Happy to be told AIBU but I just need to rant. Feel so hopeless. Long one. Sorry.

I've had an ear infection for six weeks. Asked my DM on Sunday if she would watch my six month old for an hour on Monday whilst I went to the Doctors. She said she would but then decided that I should phone 111 and get an out of hours emergency appointment so she didn't have to. I refused to do this as I've had a problem with my ear for six weeks already and didn't see the point getting an emergency appointment for a problem that's been persistent for six weeks! She got the hump and then on Monday refused to watch my six month old and said she couldn't leave her house due to building work. I walked over a mile in the cold and wet with my baby to get to the Doctors.

Monday night DP kept me up all night. He had a bad tummy. Sat on the edge of the bed moaning and groaning. Then later I heard him gagging in the bathroom. He took the day off work yesterday to sleep it off.

Today I've got up. My period has come unexpectedly during the night. I've got a pounding headache and I'm hot and dizzy with it. I've got horrendous cramps and my ear is painful. I want a hot bath and to sleep. I would have liked DP to take the day off to look after our baby so I could sort myself out but of course that was never going to happen.

I'm exhausted, stressed and utterly teary. I feel like no one gives a shit about me. AIBU?

I put paragraphs in! Don't know where they've gone...

Your baby cares! I bet they think you’re the fucking bees knees.

But welcome to motherhood where you’re last in line for any kind of help or consideration. I really really don’t think loved ones mean any harm (though you mum sounds a bit shit). Try to take it easy. Eat nice food. Watch tv all day with baby. Have a bath if you can get baby to sleep or with baby in bouncer in the bathroom, I find they are calm in the bathroom compared to other places.

YABU. You're equating your DP being ill, having your period and being exhausted and stressed as well as your other not being willing with no one giving a shit about you. I can't with almost with 100% certainty say that there are many people out there who give a shit about yourself.
Try and be kind to yourself. Have you anyone else who could help with the baby?

*your mother not being willing to help on this occasion is what that should say

As I said happy to be told AIBU. I guess I equate it to no one giving a shit about me because they are literally the only people I have in my life.

Guess I also feel a bit resentful that DP can take the day off to catch up on sleep after having a bad night but I can't take a day off when I feel like I'm on my knees.

YANBU to be upset, but YABU to go down the road of feeling that no one gives a shit about you. It's a kind of dark and toxic path that I would definitely avoid.
I found that when I became a mother, I discovered some of the shortcomings of my family (like my inlaws and my parents, and so on) as well as my friends. People who seemed selfless and kind, it turned out that they would pick convenience and their own comfort over helping me out. But it's important to remember that people have their own stuff going on. Also, people can be quite selfish. But it doesn't mean they don't care about you. But I have found that it's quite rare to find a person who will put themselves out for somebody else.
Your baby loves you and needs you... and as for your DP, he maybe needs to go somewhere else if he's going to sit around making noise at night. Hopefully in general the two of you can be a team so that even if other family members aren't always there for you, the two of you are there for each other, at least.
If this is your first baby, it's all maybe still quite new for you and your DP and by the time the baby gets to six months, you've had six whole months of sleep deprivation. I have to say, I found the first year really hard. It was really tough for DH and I as we had a difficult baby, and almost no outside support - it felt like people were too busy with their own stuff, or they didn't want to help in a way that was actually helpful. But as time goes on, hopefully it will feel easier, less raw, and more manageable.
All the best to you

So sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch without help.

My life was like that when my DCs were children, my then husband was useless with the children, no other family around to help and no matter how awful I was feeling I just had to get on with things; it's horrible.

My DD has small DCs now and I always make sure I'm available if she needs me. You're DM and DP are being very unfair when you're so stressed and stretched.

Not much help to you at the moment I know, but I can only offer my sympathy and say it will pass and things will improve.

Also yes - it sucks that you can't call in sick when you're a parent at home with a baby! There's been loads of time I've said to my DH that I want to call up the universe and tell them I need a day off from my life.

Your DP's full night of sickness is only mentioned because it "kept you up" and you wonder way he's not falling over himself to nurse you?

yeah pigsDOfly, I often think to myself that I really want to be there to support my kids if they have kids in future.

It honestly wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask scene to look after my child while I went to the doctors. But why on earth did you wait 6 weeks?

I think your DH was being a tad unreasonable not to take time off, but maybe his work would have been difficult or he had something important on. Try and rest today and insist he fully takes over as soon as he is home.

I mentioned my DP's full night of sickness because when ever he is ill I always look after him.

He is 99% of the time totally unsympathetic and uncaring towards me if I'm struggling.

Yanbu.
I’m a single mum, my parents are dead and I accept that no other adult gives a toot about me.
But you have a partner AND a mum. I bet one expects his supper cooked and the other expects lunch out on mother’s day. The least they could do is help out a little if you are sick.
Hope you feel better soon

It's very hard with a small baby, especially when you're not well. Sorry that the people around you aren't noticing you need help. Could you maybe get a shortterm childminder and take a day to yourself? If not, as pp suggested maybe snuggle up with your baby. You are doing a great job, especially not being well

Have a hug from me, that all sounds rotten! Did the GP suggest what you can do to help your ear? If no-one else is putting you first, do it for yourself - stay at home, do the bare minimum with the baby and rest with a bar of chocolate. It’s blooming tough being ill with a young child, it’s relentless xx

I've got some eardrops for the ear and the GP has taken a swab. Awaiting results. I had the same problem back in October and was given an ear spray it worked temporarily but the problem returned just before Christmas. So hopefully these new drops will do the job this time.

I need to try and get to the dentist too because I think my tooth broke in the night

DP is great with our baby but sometimes he's not great with me iyswim.

If your mum isn't able to help out and your DP is selfish, then you are going to have to just take the baby with you to stuff like the dentist and the doctor.

Yep. I've realised that.

Didntwanttochangemyname What a helpful post. I'm sure OP is grateful for your input.

I have eaten 6 mo the old too and it's the same for me. My partner still went off to work on a weekend day before xmas when I had horrendous d&v and left me to look after the baby. I am also about to start a new job and have had to cancel training days several times because no one will look after the baby for me during the day when I'm the one who runs around d after everyone including my dps older children. I feel like a skivvy sometimes

Has your DP always been like that - unsupportive - or has it gotten worse since he became a dad?