Don't think DH is that interested in IVF

[highheelandheadheldhigh]

Married 4 years, TTC for 3. Currently going though 1st IVF cycle and about to transfer. Step son 11, huge issues with him currently. Difficult behaviour, anger lying, refusing visits. DSS mother also being very difficult making digs about my fertility, harassing behaviour, blaming me for all of DSS's behaviour. I have blocked her, but this week was informed by my old boss that she was sending the abuse to my old work phone number, also found the abuse on an infrequently used email account. This is leading to tension between DH and I. Both stressed and I'm full of hormones. Feel DH has switched off from the process, stopped asking me how I am etc. Not asking for updates on times etc for appointments. I've tried to find lots of solutions for DH and DSS, therapists, support, mediation service etc. I don't feel like I'm getting the same support. When I found out 'my character was being assassinated' his response was why are you even bothered, you don't even like the people that you used to work with. I completely understand he must be upset about DSS, but I thought he would give me a little support. I want to have a really nice weekend prior to transfer and be looked after a bit but he's being really non comital about making plans. AIBU to think his attention is elsewhere? AIBU to want a little focus on me for once?

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Ivf is tough, it causes lots of tension in relationships even when they are usually smooth. He has A lot on his plate and your emotions will be all over the place, I don't think men understand how hard ivf is for their partner as all the invasive procedures happen to you not them. Yanbu for expecting more support but I think for your own mental health it would be best not to talk about the dss and his mother issues with your dh until after your treatment has finished. If it's causing arguments it's going to make the 2ww even harder than it already is. Maybe he is like my dp and dosnt seem to be able to cope with multiple issues at once? Fingers crossed you get a bfp x

making digs about my fertility

^Well at least you know for sure she's a dick.

Take care x

Thanks @Tigger85 he struggles to talk about things period. I've distanced myself from him tonight (I'm in another country) I think that might be the plan for the next few nights. Although all I want is to be cuddled up with him. But he always seems pissed off with me.

@ASAS yes we've had some right jems, calling DH a Jaffa and this weeks one was DSS went home to him mum saying I was in a mood, (I wasn't) she asked DH I assume heel got her period again....maybe she needs to accept its god's way of telling her she's not fit to parent.

With all due respect, how many threads are you going to start moaning about your stepson and his mother? Every post you make shows you have much contempt for him, regardless of anything else going on in your life. Perhaps your husband is fed up of the way you think of the child he already has.

You’re having a tough time and I really feel for you, I recognise your name from numerous threads where you’ve outlined issues with DSS and feeling unsupported by your husband with your ivf.

Do you feel able to speak honestly to him about how you feel and what you need from him? Is it starting to feel that he’s not that into the idea of having another child?

I agree you need to ignore anything from the ex, she’s nothing to you and it’s a really negative distraction. It’s okay to pull back and just focus on yourself for now and lean on people who support you and make you feel cared for. It’s very difficult when one of those people should be your husband you feel his energies are elsewhere.

It’s hard to know what to advise because it seems like you feel he hasn’t really been both feet in for a good while and with issues with DSS ramping up it’s not going to get better. I’d be worried about how he’ll be when you’re pregnant and have a baby but all you can do is travel hopefully and hope he becomes better able to juggle his responsibilies.

I had 3 rounds of ivf with exh,every time it failed he couldn't comfort me and I didn't feel like he was supportive.This broke us.Does he definitely want another child? Looking back I don't think mine really did hence the behaviour

My dp turns into a dick on transfer day each time we have ivf, no idea why. We have had 1 successful fresh cycle and just had 1 failed fresh cycle. He isn't being supportive after this failed cycle but I think it's because he is struggling to deal with it himself. Your dss and his mother may be worried that if you go on to have a baby that dss will be cast aside, my own dss was like this with our successful ivf even though he is an adult, told us he would disown us but not to worry as we will have our new perfect son. He came around in the end and everything is fine. I Know it's hard right now but try not to be angry or upset with dss especially if he is only young, he likely just needs reassurance and to feel loved.