How to get over a crush??????

[username019]

Posting for traffic - feel like a 14 year old writing something this pathetic.

I'm in a LTR and have a child. I have this work colleague who is married with children. My relationship is completely rocky and on the verge of splitting. I'm not sure of anything about his - he makes subtle comments about not being happy, but that's not my place to say.

We've always got on, never seemed to look at each other in that way. The other weekend on a works do, we were both very flirty and he tried to kiss me and I rejected it and left.
Haven't spoke about it since, everything's gone back to normal of speaking when we pass in the corridors and having general chit chat, except I now have the biggest crush on him. Finding ways to try and talk to him, find him so attractive, thinking about him a lot.

Just for the record, nothing would happen even if my relationship was non-existent, I'm not the type of person to come between a relationship - but that is why I'm asking for someone to snap me out of this!!!!! It's been so bad for the past few days that I don't even want to go to work, I feel so pathetic, and it's not like I can avoid him!

Shameless bump!

You do need to avoid him though. Stay away from the area he works in as much as possible. Minimise the chat - a polite hello in passing then escape. The crush will only go away if you reduce contact.

Dont you write about this often? Has he left his wife yet?

There's some good lists on the internet about how to kill a crush about focusing on his negative aspects and also imagining him in negative scenarios, rather than fantasies with him on a pedestal. E.g.

Imagine him on the loo doing a huge poo after a night on the beer and curry. Scratching his balls, burping, farting and leaving a huge stink. Gorgeous.

Notice all the annoying and irritating things he does at work, really notice them and let them sink in. That's reality.

Think of his children's faces when he tells them he's trying to score with another woman behind their mum's back and he's already tried to kiss her and he expects her to cave in soon as she's smitten.

And so on.

I think you just have to ride it out. It hurts but it will pass with time. Don't feed it in any way by allowing yourself to fantasise about him and spend as little time around him as possible.

Nothing anyone says here is what you want to hear.
You are enjoying the pleasure and pain of wanting/fantasising about someone you can’t/shouldn’t have.
It’s not a matter of snapping out of it, it’s a matter of you being realistic.
He is married with children.
You are in a relationship..
The reality of you getting together with him is deceitful, sordid, dangerous and very wrong.

I was in a similar position 12 montbs ago, witha hopeless crish on a friend of the opposite sex. Thing was, it was a projection of the unhappiness in my relationship and my fervent imaginings of a relationship with another person which could never be, were a consequence of that. Now I've realised that my actual relationship is essentially in its death throes, this other person seems a less attractive proposition. I wouldn't say i'm over the other person, but i can see it for what it is... a fantasy.

This is more about your relationship, your projecting what your missing onto somebody else.

This man is married. He has tried to cheat on his wife. How can you possibly find this attractive? Do you really want to be the OW? Do you want to be a cheating scumbag yourself?

"Oh, but my wife doesn't understand me. She treats me like a walking cashpoint. She never shows me any affection and the bedroom is dead. She's only interested in the kids. I can't do anything right for her". It's all bollocks love. He tried to cheat on her, the reality is, he'd cheat on you too. Don't go there.