Can’t handle DP family anymore

[Happybanana]

Feel like I’m at breaking point with DP and it’s over his family.. we have been together 8 years and have 2 DC

Here’s a list of some things that have happened/ongoing
1 - mum is a total nightmare. Acts as if she knows everything about the kids routine etc when she barely sees them. Tells us we aren’t feeding them properly when all she gives them is sugar when they are at hers.
2 - aunts are interfering.. one day while I was at work my DP was at home with DD with his mum and aunt and my DD had a cough. I told them I wasn’t taking her to the doctor as it wasn’t a bad cough. As soon as I left for work they made an appointment and took her themselves... DP was aware of this but was too scared to go against them
3 - his cousin constantly slags me off to him. Tells him I’m a gold digger (laughable) and that when I divorce him il be taking him for everything we had a big family wedding but have cancelled it as everyone was being interfering twats
4 - another cousin told him on a night out I was dragging him away from his family (absolute rubbish, if anything I’m the one who has to force him out the door to go and visit)

What annoys me is that he never seems to stick up for me... he just says to them that it’s not true and doesn’t go any further into it. If a member of my family was slagging my DP off like that I would be furious with them!

Every single one of them quite clearly hate me and I’ve done nothing wrong!

In fairness to his family, who do sound dreadful, if your DP was too scared to go against them and never seems to stick up for me, no wonder they see you as the person who is alienating him from them.
Overused phrase I know but you have a DP problem to solve if the situation with his family is to be resolved.

I’m afraid you do have a dp problem- I honestly am horrified that you had to cancel your wedding due to the interference of his family and he is STILL allowing them to mistreat you!

I am guessing this all stems from one narcissistic MIL- in which case the aunts and cousins are all flying monkeys! I assume worse has gone on in the past given that you had to cancel your wedding, I would be considering going NC either just yourself going NC or yourself and your DC. It depends on whether you think your in-laws are a positive or toxic influence on your dc.

I would buy the book ‘Toxic In- Laws’ by Susan Forward and also ‘Toxic Parents’ by Susan Forward. Read them together with your dp. Whilst you are doing that look up the grey rock technique and start using that with your in-laws. I would also look up everything you can on narcissistic Mothers and Narcissistic In- laws.

You may want to report your thread and ask MN to move it over to the relationships board as you will find there are more of us who have been there. You or your dp may also find the ‘stately homes’ thread interesting.