Dsd toilet habit

[hotstepper4]

I'm seething after coming back to yet another minging sight in the toilet.

Dh has his 3 dc here Tuesdays after school. Usually me and ds are here too, but today I got back later as treated ds to dinner out.

My dsc aren't toileted very well. Dss8 always has poo in his pants where he clearly doesn't wipe, and dsd10 clearly doesn't understand the concept of flushing. I've found her mess in the toilet more times than I can count. Today, there was mess all in the loo, and shitty toilet tissue all round the bathtub, not even the toilet 🤢 it isn't hygienic..

Dh refuses to discuss this with either his exw or dsd. He says he doesn't want to embarrass dsd or make her not want to come round. He always has fear that one day she won't want to be here anymore as I limit the dcs tablet and screen time, and their mum does not. However I really think something needs to be done.

Any ideas? Incentives? How to do it tactfully?

Another poo thread.

At 10 disposing used toilet roll... In the bath?!
That has to stop. It's disgusting & unhygienic. Your DH needs to step up. I understand his fears of upsetting her but it's his job to bring up his children as much as their mothers. & I can assure you, the girl will be a lot more upset when she's no longer invited to friends houses & her class is talking about her shitty paper just left laying around 😷

I hate to say it but if you can limit her screen time then you can teach her how not to make a mess in the loo.

Same as you would do for your own kids.

Btw - I've been there, got the t shirt etc

Your house.
You are entitled to mention it to her.
Your dh needs a parenting manual.
Does dsd visit friends?! Relatives?!
More embarrassing than being told off df to wipe ya bum and dispose of your poo surely?!

Trust me I'm not a poo troll. Just look like a troll, and sick of poo 😂

Yeah I'm going to have to chat to her. I just pride myself on having a decent relationship with my dscs, it's not always an easy relationship to forge. However I know dh won't do anything.

Jesus, your DH won't parent?

Anyway, what's your relationship like with the mum? Could you ask about it to see if it's happening at home and what mum is doing, perhaps to back up her strategy?

Loads of 8 year olds have skiddy pants. Don’t make a big issue of that.

The ten year old why can’t you just be kind and say ooh DSD can you remember to put all the paper in the toilet and flush it pls

Tbh you don’t sound like you like them very much so no wonder your DH thinks they are going to want to stop visiting.

In time she will be glad you were the actual parent in the household...

If she is approaching puberty I'm afraid it is likely to only get worse unless someone takes a stance. Why is your dh not concerned at the lack of respect for your home? Is their hygiene otherwise ok? Any potential additional needs ?

Are they like this at their other home or is this some form of dirty protest at your house? Rhetorical question, just wondering if this is an ingrained hygiene issue or if its directed at you personally.

You must speak to the children about it. It's your home after all and they aren't toddlers. It's not difficult to wipe bum properly and polite to flush the loo so it is nice for the next person who goes there. You can put it to them quite simply and kindly, it's for their own good.

Also boys must be taught to lift the seat when weeing!

Go on - bite the bullet!

I would speak to her about it. At 10 she either hasn't a clue or is rebelling for attention.
Has she always left dirty tissue around, do speak to her, you will be doing her a favour. Get a cheesy sign with a wiping and flushing meme.

Your DH refusing to do basic parenting will end up causing his children not to want to come round.

Tbh you don’t sound like you like them very much

Now I wonder what makes you say that...

Your partner doesn't want to embarrass his daughter? But surely she'll be more embarrassed if someone at school/a friend says something. At 10 she's old enough to know better.

kids feel unsafe and out onf control in the end hen no one parents them.they need the walls safe and you to keep them within that.
talk to her.kindly flat even calm voice."dd what going on in here luv.you do know this isn't how we go to the toilet don't you."

Reminds me of this

Sorry

i'd go direct to the kids. not to her. she'll feel like u r telling her how to parent. Go in for the embarrassment 'which one of you kids left pooey tissue in the bath and didn't flush the loo. then send them in there to clean it up. Each and everytime it needs flushing. Then do something nice after. but that's rank.

"thumpingrug

Are they like this at their other home or is this some form of dirty protest at your house? Rhetorical question, just wondering if this is an ingrained hygiene issue or if its directed at you personally."

It's a pootest, next they'll be farting in the OP's general direction. 😱

I think I would get DH to do each and every cleaning of the loo/bath and washing as necessary. It is easy for him to cop out of any responsibility when you are dealing with all the mess.

They clean up their mess. Every time. Until they remember to do it properly. Otherwise they can have even more reduced screen time. Easy. They might not like it, but you have a right to not have that happen in your home.

Your husband and the mother of his other 3 children are useless parents.

Your DH needs to step up and parents his DC. They’ve no respect for you or your home.

Do they behave like this at their DM’s or other family members homes?