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AIBU?

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Original poster

Outdoor kid V technology

26 replies

etcher70 · 05/02/2019 20:05

I'd just like some perspective on this...
My son is 7 years old and very outdoorsy. He likes Ray Meers and knocking about in the woods BUT he has recently come home asking about X boxes and saying he feels as though he's left out as all of the other boys at school are into that kind of thing.
To be honest neither myself or my partner are very techy or into computer games and I would rather he was outside / making things than playing on computers. However, I don't want him to feel left out or uncool.
Yesterday I found him a very gentle nature app (Toca nature) on the tablet which he's enjoying playing for now - but I suspect won't really cut it with the other boys at school!
Any ideas or suggestions?

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 05/02/2019 20:09

I think children need both skill sets. They’d definitely need the outdoor, imagination developing games but also need to understand technology. Maybe the answer is to allow computer game but remain in control of content and access time.

Macaroonmayhem · 05/02/2019 20:11

We had a similar situation and I caved and bought an Xbox. Whilst I don’t necessarily like them, I didn’t want my two to be left out of the chat at school, although I was very strict about what and when they used it for. We found a reasonable balance.

It’s one of my parenting fundamentals - whilst I don’t want my children to follow the herd I also don’t want to exclude them because of my beliefs which are based on my own childhood. Games consoles/tablets/phones are part of everyday life now whether we like it or not. I police mine quite strictly but I wouldn’t exclude them from them completely.

Deadbudgie · 05/02/2019 20:22

My DS is very similar. He loves the outdoors, playing with playmobil. No interest in computer games. He’ll play a bit on his mates but actually has little interest. He want out doing things, using his imagination, building things, interacting. But I’m v conscious that he has things to talk about with his mates so following with interest

Bluedrums · 05/02/2019 20:30

My ds does not have an X box but he does play Roblox and most of his friends who have an x box play Roblox. You can get Roblox on tablets, phones, PC's. I don't think my ds is ready for an X box because he is still more outdoorsy than a gamer boy.

Original poster
etcher70 · 05/02/2019 20:33

Thank you for all of your suggestions so far. Looking up Roblox...

OP posts:
missyB1 · 05/02/2019 20:35

My 10 year old ds is the same. Very outdoorsy and also loves books. He doesn’t have an X box or any other console. He does play Roblox on our family I Pad at the weekend ( week days he doesn’t have time). It doesn’t seem to be an issue with his friends.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 05/02/2019 20:41

I don’t think it has to be either or. My 8 year old ds will spend hours reading a book, hours outside going on hikes, map reading, taking photos, building dens... the list goes on. He will also spend hours on his xbox it is all about balancing it all out. He’s been on his xbox quite a while this evening after dinner but that was after a day at school, after school club and then a sports activity before dinner but we have things on the rest of the week so it won’t go on again until Friday night can’t get worked up about it really.

BookwormMe2 · 05/02/2019 20:44

I don't know about Roblox but my outdoorsy, animal-loving DC loves Minecraft. It's really creative and kids can play off-server so you don't have to worry who he's interacting with at this stage.

Bluedrums · 05/02/2019 21:01

My ds hated Minecraft. He loves hide and seek on Roblox. You are in a room with lots of other players. One player is 'it' and the others all hide. He has Roblox on his pc and I often find him reading the newsround page on the CBBC website. I think it has been good for him spending time on his pc.

Neverunderfed · 05/02/2019 21:03

My kids are similar and so far we have got away with it, but I hear Minecraft is pretty good

Handmethegin · 05/02/2019 21:38

I wouldn’t touch Roblox with a barge pole. DS7 loves minecraft and it’s harmless enough, we just keep an eye on how long he plays for

SumAndSubstance · 05/02/2019 21:55

Definitely don't need to be one or the other. DS1 loves being outdoors and reading books, but he has always wanted an 'ipad' (Grandma has one!) so I finally gave in for his seventh birthday. Well, actually it's an Amazon Fire for Kids, but he's just as delighted with it. He doesn't use it that much though and he still loves going outdoors. I don't think that a console will take away from that. What do his friends have? If he's feeling a bit left out it would perhaps be best to look at what they have and see if you think that looks okay.

Villanellenovella · 05/02/2019 22:17

You'd be doing him an enormous favour if you taught him it's ok to not follow the crowd and not to 'be cool'. I teach my kids to follow their own path and fuck what's cool at school. They're happy - before anyone accuses me of ruining their lives.

Original poster
etcher70 · 05/02/2019 22:17

The problem we have is that DS goes to a very rural school where most of the parents have known each other since childhood. Their children all hang out together and therefore tend to do the same kind of things (lots of football, superheroes and computer games).
We're not really into that kind of stuff but DS is generally happy doing his own things (outdoors, imaginary play, etc).
He isn't one of the cool kids but equally he's not unpopular and has general friends (mostly the girls).
I would just like him to be aware of other stuff as a kind of social currency. I'm also aware that I need to brush up on it as it's going to be more of an issue going forwards! Thanks for all your messages so far.

OP posts:
trancepants · 05/02/2019 22:21

There is no "V" on this issue. It's really messed up that the media pushes an agenda of outdoor play and enjoyment of technology being mutually exclusive when they are no more at odds than an enjoyment of both dancing and knitting. I'm extremely easy going about technology use for DS6 but I do make sure to provide him with the means to be creative and in control of the technology he uses, rather than just consume it.

He has a Kano computer which came as a kit he had to build himself. On it he uses programmes like Scratch and Hack Minecraft which are coding programmes. He can design his own Minecraft environments using code to programme the builds. He makes his own video games on Scratch. He uses the Bloxels kit to design his own platform games, characters and background art. And he has the Hue animation studio to make his own stop motion animation videos. I'm happy for him to play standard video games too and he enjoys them at times but he's far happier working on his own content and learning what are the building blocks for potentially very useful adult skills.

When it comes to regular games, Roblox is fantastically innovative and great fun but there are issues in terms of child security. I wouldn't let my son to play Roblox or any game online until he's an awful lot older. And tbh, part of the reason why I am so happy that he's developing an interest in how technology actually works now, is that I think it will help him be more savvy about his personal security when he's old enough to be online without my supervision.

Bluedrums · 06/02/2019 06:18

What is the problem with Roblox if you have it set to the under 12 setting? My son can join in with other players but no one can message him or contact him in any way? I think it is giving him the feel of what others have when they are playing the X box. But no way do I want him chatting to other kids or people online.

He has the games console that has PAC man and other retro games on it. There is no access to the internet. Two players can play against each other. I want him to have some kind of console in case he has friends in and they think it is strange he does not have one. My son does not mind being different.

Justonemoremojito · 06/02/2019 06:58

We have a switch which to me seem more family friendly, lots of games that can be played as a family, its also in the living room so we can see what he's doing

Oysterbabe · 06/02/2019 07:03

It's not either or. There's no harm in seeing if he enjoys some computer games but limit it to an hour a day or when the weather is horrific.

chillpizza · 06/02/2019 07:32

You can do both. You just need to set limits playing mincraft doesn’t stop a child from building dens and climbing trees.

Bluedrums · 06/02/2019 07:59

I just read about some of the concerns about Roblox and the child safety settings not stopping some things. My son has not had a problem, he tends to stick to the games he knows on it. So maybe you should not do Roblox until your ds is older.

DroningOn · 06/02/2019 08:03

You need to accept that this is the world he lives in.

Allow him to participate, set clear boundaries on time and duration of use and continue to encourage the outdoor life.

If you get the balance right I don't see any harm, probably only positives

ILiveInSalemsLot · 06/02/2019 08:07

My dcs do both. As they’ve got older they have been more drawn to the tech and can happily spend hours on it but we’ve come to an arrangement to make sure they have the balance right for them.

trancepants · 06/02/2019 08:39

What is the problem with Roblox if you have it set to the under 12 setting? My son can join in with other players but no one can message him or contact him in any way?

How old is your son? Mine is 6 (a very innocent 6) and way too young to understand how duplicitous people can be. I only let him play Roblox on an offline device and even then, under supervision so if the opportunity naturally arises, I can talking to him about how the communal parts of the game can be abused. I think Roblox really is super fun but unfortunately there are people out there who will abuse anything they can.

I'm also wary about relying on parental settings. For most of us, our kids will be running rings around us technologically before we realise it. I do use them now but in conjunction with being really hands-on and trying to make gaming a 'family' activity rather than a solo one. (I'm actually not into gaming myself, but I need to get a handle on it so I can guide DS through it and prepare him knowledgeably for the increasing amounts of online independence he'll want as he gets older.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 06/02/2019 09:30

My eleven year old managed to bypass/ turn off parental controls on her phone. Luckily i can mostly trust her with things.

We dont have a nintendo switch but would like one as a family. It can be used as a console on thd tv, or like a handheld game, which is good for travelling.

We all have xbox ones here, plus my oh has a ps4. The kids and i have kindle fires and those are what the kids use most, but they also read a lot and play lego a lot. They dont get out as much as id like because of my fms. But my mum usually gets one of them out on sat mornings as the other has football, so they watch and walk round the field.

I grew up loving my survivalist stuff, den building etc. Did girl guides. Has made me think about trying to get the younger one into cubs or something (brownies is oversubscribed here).

Switch would probably be the most fun and has more kid orientated games.

Bluedrums · 06/02/2019 09:55

trancepants my ds is 11 (has autism). He only played the CBBC games and games apps for children on his tablet until a few years ago. He has his own pc now for school work. I let him play Roblox and some Xbox games on it. I had assumed the child safety settings were ok on Roblox. I have set it so no one can message him on it.

He is a sensible boy and I know he would never change the settings.

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