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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Collecting ill DD from school

57 replies

ElderMillenial · 05/02/2019 15:41

Hello... long term poster but new account to name change as can never remember password. Can you please help me see if I have over reacted?

Received a call from DDs school at 2.20 saying DD has symptoms of the cold virus doing the rounds. Can I collect. I say of course but I am 40 mins away. I get there at approx 3pm. The lady at reception greets me but seems unaware of the situation. That's fine... She calls the class teacher who says she is somewhere reception end of the school waiting for me. We walk up and down the hall way but can't see her. She asks me to wait while she looks. I do. In that time I start to think "well old on... if her teacher thinks she's here and reception are unaware then where is she and is she ok as she sounded quite poorly. Then the reception lady comes back and says I think she's in here and looks a bit more. Turns out she is in the assembly room with another class. At this point I say calmly "I have to say, I'm very unimpressed that no one seems to know where my daughter is". As I say that a teacher comes out of the assembly room with DD and bag coat etc. She starts saying how they knew she was in the school with other things such as the reception lady being new and other things that didn't seem relevant. I said "well that's the bare minimum I'd expect, for you to know shes within school grounds" and took her bag and started talking to DD. She then said "well there's no need for that" as if I had kicked up a huge fuss rather than a passing comment and I felt disregarding and invalidating my worries.

What would you do in this situation and do you think I was right to have said something? The lady at reception was very kind and helpful but the teacher/ta was very rude.

OP posts:

MoreCheeseDear · 05/02/2019 16:24

What was the OP supposed to do? Fly? We don’t all work five minutes round the corner. I think schools forget this sometimes. I’ve been called before and they were very surprised to hear I was half an hour away.

It was just a cold this time but 40 minutes is a very long time when a child is throwing up and there is no one to look after her. I had an arrangement with a neighbour so DSs could be collected in 15 minutes.

wishywashy6 · 05/02/2019 16:28

They rang you because she has a cold? I think my reply would have been 'she'll survive until the end of the day'
In terms of them not knowing exactly where she was, just sounds like crossed wires. Let it go

Original poster

ElderMillenial · 05/02/2019 16:30

Quite funny really... I did think it was odd to call so late in the day and i almost thought she would say dont bother coming if you are only going to get there just before school finishes but I thought that was me being a bit harsh. I don't mind getting her at all as work are understanding but did think it odd.

I didn't "snap" everything I said was in a normal talking voice with no tone or loudness. If what I said was out of order tho, I'm not sure that matters. I don't think the receptionist being new is relevant because she was lovely and did what any person with common sense would do. I felt the TA was trying to blame her whixh wasn't right.

OP posts:

Miane · 05/02/2019 16:31

My feeling would be that if she was genuinely too ill to be in school she should have been lying down in the medical room.

I think your comment probably sounded pretty rude (intentionally or not) but at the same time your point wasn’t unreasonable at all.

bookmum08 · 05/02/2019 16:33

I wouldn't expect the office staff to know exactly where my child is unless my child was sat on a chair in the actual office. Children do not actually spend the whole day in their classroom with the other 29 children. A group may have gone to the Library for extra reading, some will be in the classroom, some may be outside in the gardening corner. The office staff are not going to know which children are where. I expect the office staff member went to the Year 2 classroom but found she wasn't there but in a different part of the school - which isn't unusual for a typical primary school.

MostlyBoastly · 05/02/2019 16:33

My reading of this is that a TA who is familiar to your DD took her into the hall as you’d be a while and presumably the school hall is much closer to reception? Kids are generally very safe in school once they’re in the building and staff tend to all look out for the children, particularly if they know them.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 05/02/2019 16:33

I think the second comment was unnecessary. I also think it's ok not to be perfect all the time, especially when you're concerned about your child, and you should move on without feeling bad about it!

Original poster

ElderMillenial · 05/02/2019 16:33

Ps in regards to me working 40 mins away... we are also not from here with people e can just rely on and nearest family is 2 hours away and she is not their responsibility. The CM probably doesn't want to be picking up ill children ad hoc either. Her dad/DP is only 10 mins away if he can leave and as it was a cold type illness I thought she would make it.

OP posts:

Glitterblue · 05/02/2019 16:34

I'm surprised they called you so near the end of school. My DD felt really unwell yesterday with a very bad headache and fever and told her teacher straight after lunch, so 1pm, but they didn't call me. She had a miserable afternoon. I can get her in 5 mins so I'm surprised they didn't phone.

Mindfulofmuddle · 05/02/2019 16:39

It is entirely possible that the teacher/ta made the call from reception without the receptionist being aware of this. Receptionist may have been away from the desk, and teacher/ta didn't leave a note or let them know. It was down to the teacher/ta to let reception know to expect the parent and to know/say where the child was waiting to be collected.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/02/2019 16:39

Well as a teacher I too would have been annoyed. If the child is sick enough to be sent home (which in all honesty it doesn't sound like she was) then they stay sat on a chair in either main reception or the classroom with a book.

I have to agree though I would never send a child home in the afternoon who had not actually been sick, obvious exceptions such as developed chicken pox aside. I would encourage and distract them until the end of the day.

I would expect a parent to be cross if it appeared that neither the class teacher or main reception had any idea where she was.

RomanyRoots · 05/02/2019 16:59

Sounds like cross wires, I'd pick my battles tbh.
I can't understand why they called you so late when you were so far from school and they'd be finishing soon.
Poor little love having to wait so long.

TheFrendo · 05/02/2019 17:05

Not much point picking her up at 3pm.

Italiangreyhound · 05/02/2019 17:05

You were not rude. You said what I would hope I had the courage to say! Of course if your daughter is ill enough to be collected from school she should be in a designated area where someone could keep an eye on her.

You can apologise if you want to but you do not need to, IMHO.

TheOrigFV45 · 05/02/2019 17:11

Received a call from DDs school at 2.20 saying DD has symptoms of the cold virus doing the rounds.

I didn't get beyond this! Do they know you work 40 mins away?
They must be sending kids home all the time - no wonder they don't know where they are!

Clutterbugsmum · 05/02/2019 17:13

You were not rude, they should have known where your DD was. That's a basic safe guarding issue. At my dc school call asking to collect a child early then the child is either in the sick room which is next to the reception or sitting in the seating area by reception still behind locked doors.

What happen if there had been a fire and OP dd then she would not be marked with her class and the receptionist wouldn't have known she was with classes in the hall. It would cause panic until she was found.

Hope your DD get better soon, this cold virus going around is quite nasty.

KittyVonCatsington · 05/02/2019 17:38

Well, even just saying this well that's the bare minimum I'd expect, for you to know shes within school grounds in a calm manner is snapping, in my opinion or at least being sharp. The receptionist being new is relevant if that explains why she may not know where some children who are going home might be or who they may be with yet, so knows were to fetch them from if not actually in reception.

I must say that I am confused as to who is who in your OP though - you talk about teachers and TAs interchangeably. Am I interpreting this correctly that there were three people involved? The receptionist, your DD's class teacher and another teacher (who came out with your DD and her stuff?) Is there another TA who you said the second comment to?
Someone in the school did know where your DD was, just not the receptionist or class teacher? Do you know who rang you?

So sorry for all the questions but I'm just trying to picture what happened!
Although this is a rather moot point as I too think it was odd to come and ask you to pick up when it was pretty much the end of the school day anyway!

blue25 · 05/02/2019 17:40

Overreaction on your part

Original poster

ElderMillenial · 05/02/2019 18:02

Kittyvoncatsington... great name.

Yes I used teacher and ta interchangeably because at first I wasn't sure which she was but now I know she is a ta. So... people involved are receptionist, ta and me. Teacher of DD did answer the phone to speak to receptionist to say she wasn't there. Hope that clears everything up 😀

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 05/02/2019 18:12

Perhaps I should call to apologise.

I think you would garner some serious brownie points if you can call and apologise sincerely I would say i was sorry, that i was worried and hope that everyone at the school was ok and thank them.

Serious brownie points. Always worth it, while you have DC at the school.

There are loads of teachers and TA in my book group, trust me, i know. Serious brownie points.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/02/2019 18:24

It's really daft they rang so late , especially if they know you wouldn't be able to pick up for 40 minutes. By the time you made it there she had 15 minutes left.
And if she was so poorly that she couldn't be with her class (unless they were doing PE Outside or something) why was she with another class?
Tbh I wouldn't be impressed either if no one knew where DD was,the class teacher at least should've known where she was sent to and inform the receptionist when she asked for DD. It's her job.

Crazycrazylady · 05/02/2019 19:04

Also think that you were unnecessarily rude. I would call and apologize.

Tucobenedicto · 05/02/2019 19:28

You sound very over sensitive.. switch on the news about the 4 young children from Stafford today then think what you have to moan about

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/02/2019 19:35

tuco so no one can be upset or moan about something with their kids unless they pass away?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/02/2019 19:37

You sound very over sensitive.. switch on the news about the 4 young children from Stafford today then think what you have to moan about

This attitude annoys me. Yes its horrible that others are having a worse time but that doesn't mean the OP isn't allowed to post about her issue. She probably does have perspective to know its not the worst thing in the world right now but it is what is happening in her world and she is allowed to post asking for advice.

The terrible fire and the OPs issue are not related her posting this thread doesn't mean she doesn't have sympathy for the tragedy that has occurred.

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