DD6 smelling of smoke after visiting father/ grandparents

[BeekyChitch]

This has previously been an issue - DD would come back from visiting her father & grandparents (who stay together when father is in the city) smelling strongly of smoke. I told them I didn't want them smoking around her. They say they don't but they obviously smoke in the house when she's not there. The smell clings to her clothes,hair, everything! It's disgusting!!

DD recently came home about 2 weeks ago after visiting her father, again, smelling strongly of smoke. I haven't brought this up as I received nasty messages and threats from them on the same day so I didn't want it to seem like I'm making it up in a tit for tat. Which they would accuse me of. They obviously don't know how badly they smell.

Contact with father and grandparents is extremely inconsistent as it is and I'm looking into getting a court order in an attempt to build consistent contact. Not sure if that's relevant. However, I don't think they'll stop smoking in their house which is fine it is their house but AIBU to stop her going there??

Why not search and find the million and twelve other smoking angst threads and DC

Saying this as an ex smoker .

Its working as I got out a lift the other day and the man who got in was a smoker because he stunk of it . I had never noticed before .

If she's going into the house they actively smoke in she will most likely stink after a while just being there let alone of they smoke near her. If she's in her father's care id probably say there's not much you can do it about it?

Unfortunately I don't think you can stop contact because of this

I'm not saying stop contact as I don't want to do that but stop her being in the house. Even go to a relatives who doesn't smoke.

@WhentheRabbitsWentWild I'm not sure what you mean by a million other smoking angst threads? Surely when your child comes back from anyone's care you expect them not to reek of cigarette smoke?

I'm not sure you can dictate where it takes place either
I'm not sure it would stand up to a court, cafcass etc. As then they would have to use it whenever a NRP was unhappy with smoking in a RP house also.

My DM smokes, never smokes upstairs but when I come home from visiting all the contents of my bag that stayed in the bedroom reek of cigarettes. Even if I never even got them out the bag. And she doesn't smoke anywhere near the bedrooms. It travels. I think they call this 3rd hand smoke but I'm not entirely sure exactly how dangerous this is (relative to every day pollution / sun exposure etc.) but it's grim. I hate visiting but it's either that or a major family fall out/going NC.

Cant smoke in a car so shouldnt smoke in a house with kids in. Tbh I'd arrange for a contact order where it has to be away from their home on the grounds of Dds future health.

Smoking in your home is grim. And anyone here that does... please just know you bloody well stink 🤢

Thanks @FiveRedBricks I didn't think of it like being in a car! It really is vile!! My lovely DD coming back smelling like a 60 year old smoker is really horrible!!

I think I will mention this and have it included in the order. It's not unreasonable and it is for her health!

@BeekyChitch I hope it works out for you ❤️