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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH being less than supportive over surgery

9 replies

33goingon64 · 05/02/2019 13:39

Am recovering from surgical procedure this morning (GA). Sinus thing. Just had first cuppa, not yet been up for a wee, quite groggy still. But still on MN obvs.

Before coming in to hospital this morning DH been acting like I'm just off to work. I had to make all the childcare arrangements and he still needed reminding where to go and when. Even suggested I get a taxi home later. I just wanted him to say don't worry, everything sorted, I'll come and get you, will be thinking of you etc etc. I'm not a needy person and prefer to sort my own feelings out as it were, but just knowing someone else has everything covered and will be there for me would have been nice.

He's fairly attentive usually and has been good when I've been ill but he's just not showing any emotion. He even said his understanding of these things is that it's not a big deal. This was last night when I was getting a bit teary feeling nervous.

He may be fine once I'm home but just wanted to vent as I'm feeling a bit fragile.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 05/02/2019 13:45

I hope you're going to take your time recovering in hospital, nice cuppa tea and a little nap? Otherwise he might expect you to do the school run!

33goingon64 · 05/02/2019 14:04

Just waiting for a text asking what's for dinner...

OP posts:
blueshoes · 05/02/2019 14:09

You definitely deserve a break from usual activities whilst recovering.

Does he normally know what the childcare arrangements are? Did you plan for him to collect you and the taxi suggestion is a change of plan.

I assume this is scheduled surgery.

RangeRider · 05/02/2019 14:14

Maybe he was trying to keep it normal & as stress-free as possible for you or the kids, or maybe he's more worried about you than he's letting on and he's trying not to show it?

33goingon64 · 05/02/2019 14:23

Yes scheduled surgery. He claims to not know about childcare arrangements as I'm usually in charge of all that. It would just be nice to be reassured that I don't have to do anything.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 05/02/2019 15:30

Surely you should be texting him what's for dinner?

Seriously, he needs to start learning to cook, taking dc to school, doing the shopping etc. What would happen if you were really ill and had to go into hospital for a week or two?

3luckystars · 05/02/2019 15:37

This is one of those situations when you have to look after yourself because he just wont do it.

Just say 'i am not able' to everything today. After all he says 'I'm not able' to you every day of his life.

I hope you feel better soon. aren't sinuses fascinating.

33goingon64 · 05/02/2019 19:05

Thanks. Home now and he did step up, came to fetch me and made dinner. But didn't feel like it came easy to him and still no emotion expressed. Why are men (in general) so slow to realise we might need some hand holding sometimes?!

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 05/02/2019 19:10

sounds like hes pissed off that hes had to step up but is trying not to show his pissed offness because he knows it will make him look like an arse.

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