Wanting a baby is making me completely irrational

[Sleepyhead11]

Not so much IABU as how can I be less unreasonable?

I have several health conditions which the GP and consultant are working to get under control, Lupus, anti-ro antibodies, and depression/anxiety which I think are tied to the Lupus (not sure how the correlation works but there seems to be a definite link for me and for some other folk I spoke to in an online support group.)

I had the coil taken out in December but we are not actively trying. GP wants me to take folic acid for at least three months and I have an appointment in March to discuss the antibodies. I am also tapering off my SSRI antidepressants.

Last month I had a really late period, and dared to hope, despite the extreme unlikelihood (we had only had unprotected sex once and not at fertile time.) It was super dashing when test was negative and period came.

On Sunday I had a huge fight with DP. I told him I was desperate to try as soon as possible. We are both thirty-three and his parents are getting old as he was a late late baby (I know this shouldn't impact on the decision, but I want my baby to be held by his or her Granddad and Grandmum at least once.) DP says he is unwilling to try until after the appointment in March, which he says isn't that long, and reminded that I've not been on Folic Acid for three months. I literally spent the day in tears.

DP's job is about to change. He was doing a long graduate trainee scheme, now complete, and they need to place him in the organisation. He will have a job, and it will be in our home city or within easy reach, but he wants to know where. He is also terribly concerned about the idea that any child we have might have a heart block, and is very keen to speak to the consultant with me in March to see what measures they can put in place to prevent this.

I know all this makes sense, but Sunday was just so awful. DP said this morning that my irrationality (crying incessantly, dark thoughts, etc) is connected to cutting my SSRI in half and I should speak to GP about going back up, but this would push back having baby even further.

I have a job which I love, and a literary agent recently expressed interest in representing my book, which I would have killed for a few years ago, but now all is paling in comparison, and I can't even focus on the changes to book agent has asked me to make. My concentration is shot, and all that matters is that I am desperate for a baby.

SSRIs in pregnancy are a balance of risk. It sounds like your mental health is already suffering on a tapering dose. Go back to your doctor, speak about increasing the dose back. Pregnancy and postpartum are extremely emotional times and it's better to take on a small amount of risk to the child than you drive yourself mad, your relationship apart, cannot continue to work etc.
(GP)

That sounds like a hard situation for you but if the GP wants you to take folic acid for 3 months before trying I would assume it's for a good reason. Different situation, but I'm epileptic and had to take high dose folic acid for three months beforehand to reduce various risks. So I wouldn't take the risk of trying right away if I were you and try to get a handle on the balance of medication you need. Try and look at it as a period in which you're getting in the best shape you can for trying.

I understand the feeling of being desperate to start. I was in the same boat. Try and see it as you have started by taking your folic acid and pre pregnancy bits and eating healthy and getting prepared for the March meeting. It really will fly and better to give your baby the best start.

thank you all - have been trying hard to not focus on it today, and felt better (noticing things, etc.) Have also taken two thrillers out of the library in an attempt to switch my focus. Going back to GP about antidepressants week after next.