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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Interfering family members

1 reply

piggybrownhare · 05/02/2019 09:55

So I have been with my partner for 12 years, 3 kids together. We finally decided to get married, want to keep it as small as possible. Quick registry office and small gathering afterwards. We have a budget and want to spend as little as possible on the wedding, viewing it as a formality, after the amount of time we have been together. Any that is left over we would like to use to go away for a few days with kids and a few close family members.
I am becoming increasingly frustrated with family members interfering and thinking they know better. We are being bombarded with comments such as ‘why don’t you have the ceremony there’ ‘ why don’t you invite so and so’ (who we haven’t seen in years), ‘if I was getting married I would go abroad’. The latest is getting sent links for places to go away afterwards, we have specifically chosen somewhere, that we would really like to go. I have made it very clear that this is what we want to do. It is relentless.
Am I being unreasonable, I realise that we have been quite rigid in our choices but surely it is our day. The fact that we have decided to invite some family members away afterwards (we are paying out of the wedding budget), seems to have opened it up to certain people not wanting to go to our chosen place. Which is fine but just don’t come, stop trying to control where we go and what we do for our wedding.

OP posts:
EhlanaOfElenia · 05/02/2019 10:02

You need to send them something like this:

"I need all of you to please listen to me. I love you all, and I value your opinions. However, DF and I have chosen how WE want our wedding to be. I understand it's not necessarily what you would choose for yourself. But we have chosen it because that is what we truly want. We have chosen our honeymoon because it is somewhere we want to go - we would love for you to join us, but whether you do or don't is up to you. Please respect and accept our wishes. Any further suggestions and gentle arm twisting are going to be ignored from now on. Love piggybrownhare x"

And then ignore each and every other suggestion. If they do it in person, change the subject. If they continue, leave. (obviously not if they do it at your place! Grin)

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