To be a bit sad at this comment from DP

[OhCustardPots]

I am very sensitive at the moment and can often over think small things because of this so please do tell me if I'm overreacting.

Me and DP are trying for a child. So far I have had 8 miscarriages all at varying stages and we are under investigation.

He has children from a previous relationship.

Tonight I made a comment about how our dog was so good and I couldn't imagine being without him now (we got him during the worst part of this whole thing)

He said 'thats what it's like when you have kids, you wonder what you ever did before'.

I just feel like this was insensitive given the circumstances we are in.

I appreciate he has children and our experiences are a little different but it felt like a really careless comment to make and it's stung me a lot.

I agree that it was careless. I don't think it was intended to hurt though

I'm sure he didn't mean it, it's easy to say something flippantly without thinking through how the other person will receive it.

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel sensitive to this, but equally I don't think your DP meant to hurt you.

I would tell him, not accusingly, that you are really sensitive at the moment and that it hurt you, though you know he didn't meant anything by it. I'm sure he will be more careful in future.

for you

It was perhaps insensitive, in a situation where, very understandably, you are feeling particularly sensitive.

Perhaps, he was reflecting hopefully though? In terms of thinking positively that you will have children, and look back upon current times.

I can see how in the situation more caution would have been good though.

I hope your investigations go positively

Yeesh, I can see how that would hurt and I’m so sorry for your losses, what an awful time you’ve had

I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you but it’s okay to tell him he has.

My DH has children and we’ve had a pretty tough time having one together. He’s an absolute tower of strength and has been wonderful in saying the right things, he would never want to make things worse. But, when we were coming home from the hospital after I’d had surgery after a mmc and I said something about how I just couldn’t believe we no longer had our baby, he said “I know, and we’ll try again and you know you can share mine”.

It was like a knife to the fucking heart tbh, I adore my DSC but I’d literally just had MY precious, loved baby taken away from me and I was sore and shell shocked and I couldn’t BELIEVE he’d said it. I didn’t say anything at the time and when I told him later it was hurtful he didn’t even remember he’d said it but felt awful. He was completely heartbroken by that and our other losses and was going through a different but as difficult a journey. I get that.

You’re going through hell. It’s more than most people ever have to deal with and it’s going to take a toll on you, physically, mentally, emotionally. Look after yourself and be honest with him about how you’re feeling and what you need.

Careless, but not cruel. Good luck with everything

I agree it wasn't said with any malicious intent. He isn't the kind and he's been my absolute rock through all this. I just wish he'd think a bit more before saying things.

I feel so fragile at the minute and I understand that's my problem but comments like that can literally ruin my day at the moment. I work so hard to try and get by, it completely changes my outlook and mindset.

AnneLovesGilbert I've had similar comments in the past too. It's meant with good intentions but it isn't the same and it really hurts.