To think friendships change as you get older

[Worthygirl]

I’m finding it really hard to maintain long term friendships the older I get- I am someone who makes a big effort to stay in touch with people but I find it hard with the pressures of raising kids & working full time.
I seem to have 2 types of friends - ‘easy’ friends who I see a few times a year, go on holiday with & are in a similar position & understand how full on life is.
‘Hard work’ friends who put me under loads of pressure to remain in the same friendships as in our 20s - some don’t have kids and have different pressures to me in life but give me a hard time for cancelling if my kids are ill etc.
I have always been someone who has a wide circle of friends but i feel like it’s shrinking as I get older as the pressures are too much.
It makes me sad- I feel like I am hanging on to 20 year friendships by a thread but maybe I should let go & allow other people to come into my life.
Aibu- does anyone else find it hard as they get older?
I think I have a bit of a fear of being lonely and this hang on to people with whom friendship no longer works that well

If the friendship is in such crisis state, why not risk honesty? I really love you but I feel like we're drifting apart and I'm not able to give you enough? Can we fix this? "

But ultimately yes, of course all relationships change and grow. Some get stronger, some wither on the vine

Yes I've definitely found it harder, especially since having DC. However, I like having a smaller circle of low pressure, understanding friends who I know I can trust and rely on when needed. It makes life a lot easier! I do have a couple of school friends I see maybe just a few times a year but again no pressure from either side to maintain the same level of friendship we had when younger. All of us have lives now and families which take priority

@sleepingstandingup I have tried saying that a bit- in a tactful way- but it caused offence. It’s so tricky!

People have different priorities and responsibilities, the friends I find myself keeping are those that I can maintain some level of contact with without having to put masses of effort in.
When we’re together it’s brilliant and just like the years haven’t passed by, but when we go for months without speaking we don’t argue.
If any of these friends needed me I’d be there, and them for me, but we just don’t keep in contact like we used to.

I have a friend whose life motto was always "boyfriends will come and go, but friends remain". Then all her friends got married and she realised that most people will prioritise their families over their friends after a certain age. Most adults understand this eventually.

I think a lot of people who are married with kids can get a bit "I'm alright Jack" about this and dont see the need to bother with friends.

Friendships have a lifespan dependent on where you are in life , school, uni, work new mum etc not all will survive because people change and have different priorities

I think a lot of people who are married with kids can get a bit "I'm alright Jack" about this and dont see the need to bother with friends.
Or you just have the wrong friends. All my uni mates, now we all have kids we actually see more of each other. Settling down has made us make time for one another. The friends who don't have kids yet, it's normally them who are too busy with work, away on another holiday etc to meet for coffee. Which is cool, thry have exciting lives and we catch up eventually. Different people have differing levels of busy but I can't think of any friends who have fell off the radar once they had kids

My friends aren't all like that but some definitely are. It's not always kids, some just pair up and turn their backs on everyone else.

@snuggy I have always made a massive effort not to be like that- to keep an active social network going. But I am finding it increasingly difficult to manage at this point in my life

I'm trying my best to make the effort too even though obviously with a baby I can't do a lot of the things I used to for now. I still try to take an interest in what my friends are doing.