To disagree with parenting choices

[Meyouandbabytoo]

Just to clarify first, i have never (and would never) say anything to someone if i disagreed with a choice they made regarding their kids.

But aibu to sometimes mentally disagree with choices?

YANBU but equally parenting choices are personal and sometimes stuff is going on that you can be unaware of.

Of course you can mentally disagree, why wouldn’t you be able to? I’m sure people mentally disagree with your parenting choices too.

Can you be more specific?

You can disagree what's annoying are the people who want to change you.

I go by the approach of if it works for you then get on with it. They'll be someone who disagrees with you no matter what.

Of course you can disagree! My oxbridge educated friend makes some seriously old school parenting decisions and I just smile and nod. She is educated and can make her own decisions for her family.

I use cloth nappies, I'm sure she smiles and nods at me whilst thinking I'm crazy!

Nothing wrong with disagreeing with parenting choices especially as you say you wouldn’t voice it. Is there something specific?

One of my friends chose to go back to work pt after having her child, and works her hours around her partner and her sister for childcare.

She was asking me about what my plans were for when I go back to work, and I said I'll have to put ds in nursery (can't afford to drop hours and no family nearby). She replied with "i don't know how anyone could put their child in full time nursery, why bother having a child if you won't bother raising them".

I just thought it was really rude and unfair. I did so many calculations to see if I could drop time at work, but I'd lose too much money and wouldn't be able to afford my bills.
There are things she does that I personally wouldn't do, but I never say anything because it's none of my business.

Obviously if I'm asked a question and my answer is something different to what they do, I guess it shows I disagree with something they do? But I'm not saying I disagree with their choices, just saying what my plans are when I'm asked directly.

I guess the thing I'm asking is that just because when I'm asked something my answer shows I have a different view, is it acceptable for them to be rude?

If I never say I disagree with their choices but my answers to certain questions show I would do things differently

She disagrees with me putting my child in nursery, that's fine. Just don't say it.

I disagree with a few things she does but I would never say. Unless she can tell I disagree and thinks I'm judging her? I don't think she would be able to because I never say anything or make any comments.

YANBU. I try my best not to judge snapshots of people’s life because I am well aware there has been a handful of times where I have also lost it with my DC in public and probably didn’t look the best. HOWEVER there is a parent I see on the school run daily and that clearly is just how she chooses to parent, yes I do judge it internally.

Your friend was rude and unreasonable. Every parent does as much and their best for their child and their circumstances aĺlow. Just because people do things different to you, doesn't mean they disagree with your choices. As long as you are happy with your decisions, don't worry what others think.

each to their own but if anyone ever says that to you about nursery as a choice if they use family just reply I can't understand why people dump their kids off on their family when they could be socialised and stimulated a nursery. There are pros and cons to each type of childcare and working and staying at home but I never judge anyone for choice in that way.

There are other parental choices where I would openly judge (anti vaxxers I am looking at you!)

Yanbu to have a different opinion but your friend is by for being so huffy! And in an ideal world people would keep those sorts of opinions totally to themselves!!!